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Chapter Twenty-Five

Jordan

Maggie hasn’t talked to me all weekend. No surprise there, considering I missed our anniversary dinner. Yep, I’m an asshole. I wish I cared enough to do something about it. I’m not sure if her not texting me means we’re no longer together. I’m also not sure why I don’t care.

Maybe because I know she should be with someone else—someone who treats her right. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing with her—rather, what she’s doing with me. I don’t deserve her, that’s for sure. She comes from a good family. She’s smart, beautiful, and driven.

I’m just here, taking up space, miserable and looking for something I’ll never find in this lifetime.

What I wanted left me a long time ago, and maybe it’s my fault for not holding onto it better, but there’s not much I can do about it now .

I think back to when I last saw him, just last week in the bar.

All the wind was knocked out of me when I spotted him, and every part of my body wanted to go to him and tell him how sorry I was for not doing better, but that isn’t even close to what came out of my mouth.

I guess I don’t deserve him, either. He’s doing great for himself, that’s obvious, and I’m just here, trying to survive and living my life the way I was always taught I should.

The only way I know how, I guess. In misery.

It’s what I saw growing up and haven’t known any different.

The drive to work this morning is shitty. I woke up in a bad mood, and hopefully that’ll change before I show up at work. The last thing my clients need is someone miserable to help them get better. They can use all the positivity they can get.

Once I get into the city, I go through a drive-thru to grab a giant iced coffee, a breakfast sandwich, and a donut—my guilty pleasure.

I shouldn’t eat them because they go right to my gut, but I’ll work a little harder at the gym for it.

Maybe even do an extra day. Typically, I go five times a week, but when I eat like shit, I go more.

The food is gone by the time I get to the rehab and my coffee is half empty. I should have gotten two—it feels like it’s going to be a very Monday Monday.

I get out of the truck and head inside, finishing my coffee before I make it to my room. I flip the lights on, then head over to my desk. My keys go in the top drawer on the right, and my cell gets dropped on top.

I’m typically here early, and the others will trickle in shortly. Most of us start at nine, but a few come in later to stay later, this way it gives clients the opportunity for later appointments, if they need it.

My days are packed full, client after client, and I’ve memorized my schedule at this point.

I work with a good portion of my clients for months, and so I get to know them well.

What I do need to check, and that’s only to be thorough, are the notes from their last visit and to see if their plan needs to be updated or if we should keep on the track we’re going.

There’s a knock on my door, which has me looking up.

“Morning, Brett,” I say, putting down the iPad just as the screen loads.

“Hey, Jordan. I need a favor.”

I smirk. “Didn’t I just do you a favor last week?”

Smiling, he walks into the room with his hands in his khaki pockets. He’s the manager and has been working here a couple years longer than me. He’s big on fitness and I’m pretty sure when he isn’t working, he’s in the gym.

“I’ll owe you,” he says.

“What is it? You know I won’t say no. ”

“A friend of mine asked me to make some space here for his buddy.”

“My schedule is full, Brett.”

He nods. “Yeah, I know. I was hoping you could swap out.” I raise a brow and he adds, “Darlene is great with clients, but this guy is an athlete, and he really needs someone like you. I was hoping you’d let Darlene take one of yours and make space for him.

His schedule is completely open, so anything will work, but he needs three days to start. ”

I scratch the back of my neck. “I don’t know, Brett. This feels kinda gross.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He nods, agreeing. “Trust me, I do, but I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was the right thing to do.”

Taking a deep breath, I think about it for a moment. If I say no, he’ll accept it and it’ll be the end of it. But he’s never asked me to do something like this before, so I feel that it really is important.

“Okay, sure.”

“Thanks, man. Seriously, this will mean the world to him.”

“No problem,” I say. “Glad I could help.”

He takes a few steps backward. “Let me know what times you have for him by the end of the day?”

“Of course. ”

Brett leaves the room and I pull out my chair, sit down, then grab my laptop to check my schedule.

Which person do I want to give up? I could go with the person who has the least amount of time left, but if we’ve already made this much progress together, it feels shitty to shove them away. Meaning, the best option is to go with my newest patient.

Before Brett left, I should have made sure that he would be the one handling the switch. I don’t want to have to tell my client I won’t be seeing them any more. They’re dealing with enough in their recovery, I don’t want them to think I’m giving up on them.

I pick up the phone and dial Brett’s extension. He doesn’t answer, so I head out to find him because I can get more coffee on the way.

I pass a few people and get good mornings from them, that I, of course, return.

Shark Rehab is a big place with top-of-the-line equipment and trainers. I’m proud as hell, and lucky as hell, to work here. It’s what I wanted to do with my life and the only thing that turned out right for me. Since I wasn’t able to get away from Ashbourne, at least I have this.

My cell buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out, finding a text from Maggie. I stop and move to the side as I open it up.

Can we meet for lunch? I’ll be in the city.

Of course.

I don’t hesitate in sending my response. If she’s willing to give me another chance, I need to take it. I’d be stupid not to.

Meet me at Roger’s.

I’ll be there.

Though it’s likely she’s breaking up with me, I still have to go. I deserve it and won’t fight her on it. It’s bound to happen, anyway.

I shove my phone into my pocket and head toward the back offices. Brett is in the hallway talking to Darlene. Maybe about the switch.

“Oh, hey, Jordan. We were just talking about you,” Brett says.

“Only good things, I hope.”

Darlene smiles at me. “Obviously.”

“I was looking for you to let you know I’ve chosen a patient,” I say to Brett. “But I wanted to make sure that you’d handle the switch?”

“I planned on it,” Brett says. “Just email me the name. I’ll call them to let them know and give Darlene access to their file. I’m assuming their notes are up to date? ”

“They are,” I say. “I’ll send it over once I get back to my room.”

“I really appreciate this, Jordan. It’s stuff like this that’ll earn you a management position one day.” He winks.

“Oh, wow. Thanks, Brett.”

He and Darlene take off toward his office.

I head into the break room, where I fill a large paper cup with coffee.

I add a splash of cream before putting the top on.

Being a manager here wasn’t something I’d considered before because I like what I do.

I like working with patients directly, but if I can move up the ladder, I should.

Once I’m back in my room, I email the information to Brett from my iPad, to which he responds a few moments later, letting me know he got the info and will schedule the new patient to be here on Wednesday for intake.

Before I know it, I’m leaving to meet Maggie. The fact that I’m not upset about this tells me all I need to know. It’s not that I don’t care about her, I just know what I deserve in life and she isn’t it.

She’s sitting at a booth in the back when I get to the restaurant, and she smiles when she sees me.

“I ordered you a burger,” she tells me as I drop into the seat across from her. “And coffee.”

I smirk. “Thanks. ”

If I don’t keep up the caffeine intake, I swear I’ll drop. Though, one day, maybe the caffeine will be the cause of that.

I hold her gaze as she watches me carefully.

I can’t tell what she’s thinking or what she’s about to say.

I should be able to do that at this point in our relationship, shouldn’t I?

After being together for a year, I should know her better.

Yet I’d feel the same if I were sitting across from a stranger.

“How’s work?” she asks.

Shrugging, I say, “It’s work. You?”

“It’s work.”

The waiter comes over with our food, putting a plate in front of Maggie and then me.

“How can I get the coffee for you, sir? She wasn’t sure, so we wanted to wait.”

“Sometimes you get hazelnut,” Maggie adds, reaching for the salt.

“Hazelnut is fine. Cream and sugar on the side.”

“I’ll be right back with that,” the waiter says before leaving.

Maggie grabs the ketchup and pours it all over her fries before grabbing one to eat. I take the ketchup and put it on the side of my plate to dip.

“I’m not breaking up with you, you know,” she says suddenly. I pause, slowly looking up at her. “You’re acting like that’s what’s happening, but it’s not. ”

“Oh… okay.”

“I know you think I should because you think you don’t deserve me or something equally as ridiculous, but that isn’t true, Jordan. I’m nothing special, and even if I was, you’d deserve me then too.”

I shake my head, leaning back. The waiter drops off my coffee. I empty in three packets of sugar and three creamers.

“I don’t treat you good enough, Maggie.”

“You treat me as well as you know how.”

“Which isn’t good enough.”

Her eyes narrow and she blows out a sharp breath. “If you want to end things, Jordan, just tell me.”

“That’s not what I”m saying.”

“Then what is it?”

Shaking my head, I stare down at my food, not sure how to explain it to her. I don’t know how to tell her why I don’t think I deserve her. I just feel like I don’t. She’s better than me and is going to do better than me in life. She doesn’t need me holding her back.

“I’m sorry about Friday,” I say.

“I know you are,” she answers firmly as she reaches across the table, palm up. I take her hand. “I love you, Jordan, and I’m happy with what we have. Sure, you do some questionable things sometimes, but it’s not your fault. I just need to try harder.”

“You shouldn’t have to try harder. I’m an adult. ”

She nods. “Yeah, but that’s what you do when you love someone.”

Is it though? I’m not quite sure.

I get through the rest of the day without too many issues, which is in part due to my many cups of coffee and the fact one of my clients brought me a snack—a donut.

At the end of the day, when I’m done cleaning up, I pull up my schedule to see if there is a name in my schedule for Wednesday yet.

There are plenty of times we get famous people here, and though I don’t get starstruck, it’s cool to know something about them when they show. They like that. It puts them in a better mood and keeping their mood positive is important for recovery.

My Wednesday schedule pops up, all the colorful blocks right in front of my face. I scroll to my one o’clock, since that’s the spot I opened up, and nearly choke on air when I see the name that’s there.

Alex Brewer.