Page 14

Chapter Twelve

Alex

I head down the hall to Hudson’s room, trying to focus on anything but Mack—on anything but what happened between us and his reaction.

Of course, I expected this. I wasn’t lying when I said I knew that Mack would clam up and get pissed off at me, deny what happened between us, and then try to pin it all on me.

This shit is par for the course for me. Jordan Mackenzie isn’t the first straight guy I’ve been with, and I’m sure he won’t be the last, because yes, I’m that fucked up.

The guys I’ve been with… I’ve always been their dirty little secret. Aside from hockey, it’s one thing I’m good at—keeping my mouth shut unless I’m on my fucking knees .

So why is this different? Why does it hurt so much more when he says it?

I know the answer, but I don’t like it.

I’m tired of getting my feelings dicked around. Tired of being the guy that’s good enough to suck your cock, but not good enough to be seen with in public.

And the women aren’t any better. Aside from Britt, that is.

I’m good enough to be seen with, but the minute they find out I like dick, being choked, and forced into submission, they get out as fast as they can. And most of the time, I pay for the getaway car.

But Mack’s threats are empty, and I know it. He and I both know it, and maybe that’s why this is different. Maybe that’s why it hurts like a punch to the chest. Because drunk or not, Mack is the one who kissed me.

He was the one who grabbed me and kissed me until I couldn’t fucking breathe, and when he came back after leaving this morning, I saw the way he looked at me, at my naked form, in front of him.

Maybe if this had truly been just a one night stand, some drunk mistake, I could forget about what happened between us.

If I didn’t have feelings, this could be different.

Feelings I’ve been harboring for three years, stealing every touch and every bitter word I could from my little brother’s friend .

But I know now, without a doubt, it wasn’t a mistake. I’d do it again. And again and again, even if the outcome was the same every time.

I shake the thoughts from my head as I hear his footsteps in the hall. I don’t bother to turn around.

He wants to pretend this didn’t happen? That’s fine. But if I have to be Asshole Alex, I need to focus on something other than the man huffing behind me.

Because the thing is, I’ve played this game before, and I’m really good at it.

He thinks he can pretend everything is fine, but eventually he’ll cave. They always do. And maybe I kind of like that, if I’m being honest. Because I am an asshole.

Because I’m not worth more than the pleasure I give.

So maybe I should just accept that and move on with my life.

I feel him as he comes up beside me, breathing heavily as I knock on the door.

I can’t afford to be relaxed, because clearly, I need to forget what happened.

I need to forget how good it felt to kiss him, to touch him. To be wanted by him.

Hudson opens the door, and he looks hungover as fuck.

“You look like shit,” I say as he groans.

“I feel like it, too, man. Fuck,” he grunts.

I look around him, and ask, “Where’s Trey? ”

Hudson purses his lips. “I don’t know. I woke up and he was—”

“You guys are up early,” Trey says as he rounds the bend with two steaming coffees.

My stomach twists at the scent. It smells amazing, and as my stomach growls, I realize I’m fucking starving.

Hudson’s eyes widen as he curses, but it’s not annoyance, it’s relief.

Though I guess if Mack brought me coffee instead of telling me to never speak a word about how I made him come while he literally screamed my name, I guess I would be relieved, too.

God, I could have forgotten our little menage-ish if that hadn’t happened.

The sound of him coming with my name on his tongue is going to be burned into my brain forever, right along with the look on his face before he kissed me.

Don’t go there, Alex. Don’t torture yourself.

“I’m fucking hungry,” I bite out. “Lord knows I can’t leave any of you unattended for too long.”

Trey laughs. “Awww, Alex, it’s almost like you care about us.”

“I care about making it home in one piece with all of you assholes so I don’t get arrested.”

I cross my arms as Hudson comes out, shutting the door behind him and grabbing the coffee from Trey .

“Is this—”

“Mocha with two pumps of caramel? Yup.”

Hudson moans in delight. “You are a fucking angel.”

“You both are going to be hellbound in a minute,” I tell them as I head down the hall for Andre and Paul’s room next.

Behind me, I hear Mack talking to them, but I don’t pay attention to what they’re talking about. Every time I hear his voice, no matter what he’s saying, he’s screaming my name all over again.

When I knock on Andre’s door, it opens almost instantly.

“Took you long enough,” Paul says, rubbing his eyes. He also looks like shit with heavy bags under his eyes and a split lip.

“What happened to you? You jump into a boxing ring last night?” I ask as I reach out to touch his eyebrow which also looks like it took a hit.

“Something like that,” he says, shrugging me off.

“Austen’s going to kill you if this shit isn’t healed by the wedding.”

Paul swats my hand when I go back in to touch it.

“I’ll be fine. They can put that concealer shit on it or something.”

“Alright, fine, but it’s your funeral,” I say with a shrug. “You guys ready to get something to eat or…”

“Andre! Hurry the fuck up, it’s time to go! ”

There’s a curse, and a moment later, Andre rushes out of the bathroom, his hair a mess, shirt untucked, and he looks like he hasn’t slept all night.

Though to be fair, even as disheveled as he is, he doesn’t look nearly as roughed up as Paul. So that’s good, at least.

I move to Austen’s room, my little ducklings trailing behind me, chatting about meaningless bullshit.

I stop when I hear shouting that sounds like it’s coming from Austen’s room.

I don’t think, I just act and sprint to his door and bang on it.

The shouting continues, so I don’t think he heard me.

I press my ear to the door to see if I can make out anything, but it’s all muffled.

Cameron is yelling, so whatever they are fighting about… it sounds bad.

Panic hits as I wonder if this is it. If somehow shit has finally hit the fan between my brother and the man who’s head over heels for him.

I knock again, this time harder, as Mack comes to stand beside me.

“You hear that?” he asks, and I sigh.

“I’m not deaf, Mackenzie. Yes, I can hear them.”

Mack grunts out a pissy sound.

“Open the fucking door, Austen!” I yell, banging on the door again .

“Coming! Hold your damn horses!” Austen bellows, and the door flies open, knocking both me and Mack back. Austen charges out like a damn bull.

“Fuck you too, Austen,” Mack says as he rubs his shoulder.

“Sorry,” Austen says, slamming the door shut. He’s in a mood.

I glance at Mack and he meets my gaze. His eyebrows knit together as he looks back at Austen.

“Where’s Cam?” I ask as he crosses his arms, scowling.

“He’s not coming,” Austen yells, loud enough for Cameron to hear, I’m sure. The rest of the floor too, maybe.

Oh yeah, something definitely hit the fan.

The rest of the guys don’t say a word. Why would they? They idolize my brother. He’s the leader of their little group, even if he doesn’t realize it.

Austen takes off, and I walk a little faster to keep up with him. Mack flanks him on the opposite side, catching my gaze before speaking.

“Damn, trouble in the fan club?” Mack asks, and the sincerity in his voice is evident.

Mack tries to play a tough guy for a lot of reasons, but if anyone’s close to Austen, aside from Cameron, it’s Mack.

He knows my brother better than I do, which also pisses me off.

I should be the one comforting my brother.

Not him. But somehow watching him do so only makes my stupid heart flutter .

Don’t go there Alex. You won’t like the outcome, I remind myself.

Austen shoots Mack a bitter glare. “He’s not feeling well. Rough night.”

My brother says the words as cold as ice, and I just know.

I know because my brother has the same frigid glare that Mack had when he told me “no one can ever know about this.”

Austen and Cameron fucked… or something. One hundred percent. And now Austen’s pissed. Same way Mack is pissed, I’m guessing.

I freeze, my gaze flashing to Mack. I can’t take my eyes off him, and he knows it. He looks at me for a split second. It’s a flash, but it’s all I need to understand the unspoken words between us.

Paul, Andre, Trey, and Hudson stop behind me. One glance at them and I see the worry on their faces.

We all knew this was coming, but no one says a word, even though we’re all thinking the same thing.

“I know the feeling,” Paul says.

Andre breaks the tense silence, nodding at Austen’s wrist. “Nice watch. That new?”

I steal a look at the sleek black watch, noting it’s Movado.

My brother isn’t exactly a label queen like me or Savannah, and he’s also not much into shopping like me or Hudson. He isn’t the type of person to buy himself shit, either. Especially nice shit. Savannah isn’t the gift-giving type, which means that watch could have only come from one person.

“Yeah,” he says. His voice cracks just the slightest as he runs his fingers over the face, and I know whatever happened between them is eating at him.

I should do something. Say something. That’s what a good brother would do.

He’s obviously upset, and maybe even a little lost. But Austen and I aren’t tight like most brothers.

Despite growing up together, we were never really together or anything. He played football, I played hockey. We ran in different groups of people. While he was playing Golden Boy and Prom King, I was getting shitfaced and fucked in the bathroom at parties. We are not the same.