Page 20

I didn’t think Mack was a hugger, honestly, but I can’t help the smile that forms as I watch them, but maybe I’m a little jealous too.

I don’t get along with most guys. Sure I have guy friends, and I guess I sort of consider my former teammates my friends, but there is no one other than Britt that I’m close with. Who really know me. Who have seen my dumpster fire and hang around anyway .

Austen brings his arms up and hugs him back, relaxing just a little. Even when he was a kid, a good hug always seemed to help him. Especially when he was upset.

Me?

Every time I sought out some love and affection, I was being too needy, too clingy, too touchy.

Know your boundaries, Alex.

I guess that’s just the way it goes when you're the oldest. Baby brothers get all the love and attention. Older brothers get expectations and conformity because we’re supposed to be a good example.

Like just me being an affectionate person or a loud person, or a person with a million ideas and tangents, makes me a bad example.

Oh well, at least I have hockey. That’s the one place my asshole parents actually give a shit.

When they break apart, Austen’s gaze catches mine .

“Please tell me you bought—”“Chocolate iced with sprinkles, right here with your name on it,” I say with a grin as I push the box towards him.

His smile is genuine this time as he makes a beeline for the box.

“The fuck is up with you guys and sprinkles?” Mack mutters.

“You are a lifesaver, Alex.”

It’s my turn to smile .

“Yes, well, when you’re late for a very important date, you must always show up with sugar. People are less likely to hate you when you bring them shit to apologize with.”

I grab an iced coffee and slide it towards him as he takes a bite of his donut.

When I look up, I see Mack standing in the doorway watching us.

For a moment, I let myself meet his gaze and I hold it like a challenge. He scoffs, shaking his head and then gives us his back as he heads out the door.

“Hey,” I say as my brother is halfway through his donut. He looks up at me, and it feels like I’m twelve all over again. Because he looks at me like maybe somehow I’ve got the knowledge he needs, like I’ll have the answers to how things are going to work out.

Spoiler alert: I don’t know shit. I’m just trying to stay out of the lava pits of life.

I have had six failed relationships. My parents hate me. The one guy I actually like hates me because we got drunk and messed around, and my little brother is about to get married while I’m destined to be some slapshot bachelor for the rest of my damn life, and I am an asshole through and through.

But for the moment, I try to forget about that. Instead, I take a deep breath, and I say exactly what I would want to hear if it were me nervous about what was to come.

“It’s… it’s okay to be nervous. It’s a big day.”

“I’m not nervous,” he says plainly, but I see his jaw tense.

“Just… look at her. When you’re freaking out, wondering what the hell you’re doing, or what you’re supposed to do, look at Savannah.

” I sigh. “No one else matters but her because you love her. And all this shit—” I motion to open bottles of champagne, the boxes of donuts, out the door with the crowd of people.

“All of this shit doesn’t matter. It’s just static. ”

I point to his heart, and he looks down. I can’t resist dragging my finger up and booping him on the nose. He laughs. A real laugh, not a fake one like he does with everyone else.

“Keep your eye on your heart, Austen. You’ll never lose sight of things, promise.”

My own heart lodges in my throat, and I feel tears starting to form, so instead of letting my little brother see me cry because he’s doing the one thing I probably will never do, I grab him and pull him into a hug and I let out a heavy breath.

“Now, enough with this emotional shit. Let’s fucking go!” I say, holding him out in front of me just as the horn for the limo sounds. “We’ve got a wedding to go to! ”

The photographer takes our photos as we pile into the limo, which is rather spacious, but then again, my parents spared no expense for their baby boy.

Like I said, baby siblings get everything.

I’m sure if the situation were reversed they’d be nitpicking every design choice and every detail I would decide on.

If I ever am lucky enough to land someone who can put up with me and all my bullshit, I’m giving Britt all creative power over my enormous wedding.

Because it would be a spectacle, for sure.

Whatever saint said yes would need to be celebrated for their lunacy.

Plus, she’s way more talented than me when it comes to party planning.

I lean forward as the guys pack themselves in, grabbing for the champagne.

The scent of alpine hits me, and the seat shifts, a grunt following.

I don’t have to look to know who’s decided to sit next to me.

Mack loves to remind me that what happened between us was a mistake and that no one can ever find out.

But he’s the one who’s always seeking me out. It’s like he can’t help himself. He can’t stay away from me, and I’m not sure if he’s aware of how tuned in to me he actually is.

I pass him the glass of champagne before pouring myself one.

On the opposite side of me, Andre works on pouring the glasses for Paul and Hudson, and when Trey squeezes in next to Mack, I make sure he’s got a glass too.

Austen is the last to enter and I hand him my glass, since there are only six. Instead, I grab the bottle.

“To Austen and Savannah!” I say, leading the cheer as we all raise our glasses as the limo takes off.

I guzzle down what’s left of the champagne as some popular pop song fills the air.

Mack’s hand rests on his thigh, inches away from mine, and every ounce of my being wants to touch him, to grab his hand, but I know better.

I drop my hand to my thigh, shifting my position just enough that the motion makes my pinky brush against the side of his.

He moves around, grunting and cursing, but he doesn’t move his hand.

It’s just a touch, and probably not even noticeable to him.

He’s too busy drinking and chatting about football and bullshit with Trey to notice me.

I keep waiting for him to notice. Waiting for him to pull away, but he doesn’t. I finally relax, because he doesn’t move, and we stay like that the whole way until we hit the church.