Page 5 of Heartbreak Honey

Now

SITTING ON A BENCH at Chester Park, Trevor fights the urge to keep checking the time on his phone. He was so stressed about doing this that he ended up getting here ridiculously early.

A part of him wonders if Skyler will even show. It’s not like the man really owes him anything after all this time. He’s Skyler James. Surely, he has more important things to do than drive to Santa Monica for a secret meeting with his ex-boyfriend who he hasn’t wanted anything to do with in five years.

Trevor mainly chose this park because there’s hardly any people here on weekdays when he brings Stella to play Frisbee. But he supposes he also picked it as a bit of a power move, making Skyler come to him instead of the other way around. He’s still a little angry, okay?

No, Skyler’s definitely not coming. This is stupid. Trevor’s wasting his time waiting for him.

“Hey.”

He turns his head and—“Jesus!” His hand flies to his heart. For a second there, he thought he was getting robbed.

Skyler comes around the bench to stand in front of him, and Trevor shakes his head as his heart rate returns to normal. The bozo showed up in black sweatpants, a black hoodie with the hood over his head and strings pulled taut, and black sunglasses. Yup. Not conspicuous at all.

“Put your hood down, would you,” he says. “People will think you’re here to murder someone. Act natural. If you remember how to do that.”

Skyler frowns but does what he’s asked, revealing his hair that’s twisted up into a loose bun. “That’s not fair. You were just as famous back in the day.”

Trevor stands so they’re on even ground, but Skyler still has a couple inches on him. “Back in the day, yeah. Not today. Don’t try to pretend you’re not one of the most famous people in the world now.”

And even back then…

The whole group was famous, sure. They were all superstars. But it was obvious pretty early on that Skyler’s star shone a bit brighter than the rest of theirs.

“I think you’re exaggerating,” Skyler says.

“Am I?”

“Did you come here just to give me shit?”

Trevor shakes his head. “No.” That’s not the only reason, at least.

“So can we talk?” Skyler asks. “Like two people who’ve known each other a long time and want to catch up?”

“Is that what we’re doing?”

Skyler lets out a frustrated groan. “I don’t know. But. It’s good to see you.”

All the tension coiled tightly in Trevor’s body suddenly snaps and falls away.

This is just Skyler. His Skyler. Well. Not his anymore, but still. Skyler is right here, standing in front of him for the first time in years.

“It’s good to see you too,” he confesses.

He searches for something else to say, coming up blank. But he can’t help but chuckle at the sight of this man—who typically flaunts himself in skintight ripped jeans and barely buttoned floral shirts—being swallowed up by these baggy, drab clothes.

“What?” Skyler asks.

He shakes his head. “I didn’t mean for you to try to go full incognito. I only meant for you to dress less like Skyler James and more—” He stops himself from saying normal, because he’s not trying to say that anything about Skyler’s abnormal. Except it kind of is, isn’t it? Skyler James is not a normal human being. He’s extraordinary.

“Uh, subdued,” he finishes awkwardly.

It’s the wrong thing to say anyway because Skyler’s eyes narrow. “What’s wrong with the way I dress?”

“Nothing!” Spoke too soon about the tension. “I love the way you dress.”

At this, Skyler’s eyebrows shoot upward, and er, well, that wasn’t exactly what Trevor meant to say either.

He clears his throat, hoping to move past this. “Anyway, it’s eighty degrees. Aren’t you dying under all that?” Heck, he’s only in a white T-shirt and basketball shorts, and he’s starting to sweat.

“I’m fine.”

That’s probably a lie, but he lets it go. “Whatever you say. You want to find somewhere more shaded, at least?”

“Sure,” Skyler says, pointing toward an area with a few picnic tables and some tree coverage.

Trevor follows him there, where they sit across from each other at one of the tables. This is probably better than being forced to sit squished beside each other on a bench. But now they’re looking right at each other and he’s taking in every detail of Skyler’s devastatingly attractive face, so on second thought, this might be harder.

“At least you managed to ditch the security detail,” he muses. “How’d you get away with it?”

Skyler rolls his eyes. “You know they work for me, right? I’m their boss, not the other way around. And I go places on my own, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Right,” Trevor says.

The silence between them stretches until it hangs thicker in the air than the traces of smoke from the wildfires burning way up the coast.

This was a mistake. Trevor should have known it would be the most painfully awkward conversation of his life.

He’s almost ready to make up an excuse and bail on the whole thing when Skyler says, “I’m sorry about the paparazzi coming after you because of me.”

“Good,” he says, then cringes. He doesn’t want to be a dick. But it kind of is Skyler’s fault.

To Skyler’s credit, he doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t say anything to defend himself either. Just chews on his lip and waits for Trevor to say more.

When Trevor keeps his lips pressed firmly together, Skyler says, “I understand you’ve tried to stay out of the limelight. So you have the right to be upset.” The corner of his mouth dips down, not like a frown exactly, but more like he wants to say something else and doesn’t know if he should. Then—“Did you, um. Did you say anything to them?”

“Don’t you think you would have heard about it right away if I did?” Trevor says. At Skyler’s acknowledging nod, he continues. “They mostly left after a couple days, but my publicist has a dozen interview requests to turn down. Not sure she’ll agree that’s the best course of action, but that’s what I’m doing. Ignoring it and hoping it goes away. Sounds like a mature and viable plan, right?”

Skyler laughs and then goes quiet.

Now he hopes Skyler’s not thinking about how the two of them tried to ignore the problems in their relationship until everything blew up in their faces, destroying them and everyone around them too. Clearly that’s not what Trevor’s thinking about. Nope. Not at all.

“It was brave, you know,” he says after a minute, because he can’t stand the silence.

“What was?”

“You. Coming out to the whole world. It was really fucking brave.”

Skyler scratches at the back of his hand. “Thanks. I appreciate that, though I don’t quite see it that way. It was more like I was going crazy, wasting so much energy on worrying about hiding a basic, essential part of who I am. But if people don’t like who I am, then fuck ‘em. They can stop listening to my music if they want. I don’t care.”

“I get it,” Trevor tells him. “I mean, even while we were in the band, you wanted to do it.” And you didn’t, because of me.

“Yeah, but you were right about how I couldn’t. We couldn’t. Back then, it would have affected way more than just us. It wouldn’t have been fair to the guys.”

“I think they would’ve understood and supported us though. If we’d decided we really wanted to do it.”

They’d all basically said as much, hadn’t they? Or Oli and Jermaine had, at least. Noah had been the most concerned about not letting anything derail their success. He was also, naturally, the most bitter when Trevor and Skyler’s drama totally ended the band, and he hasn’t spoken to Trevor a single time since.

Skyler shrugs. “Still. It would have been selfish.”

Skyler’s probably the least selfish person he’s ever known. And Trevor was nothing but selfish in convincing Skyler to keep his sexuality—and therefore, their relationship—a secret.

Not only was he not ready to face the world himself as an openly bisexual boybander, but he also couldn’t stand the idea of his and Skyler’s relationship being up for public scrutiny. Didn’t want it reduced to fodder for the media.

Even though Skyler’s staring down at the top of the picnic table now, idly peeling at the chipped wood, and doesn’t seem to need a response from him, Trevor can’t help it. “You were never selfish. And maybe you deserved to be.”

Skyler’s eyes rise to meet his, but he doesn’t say anything. They hold the awkward eye contact for a few seconds.

Trevor breaks first, shifting his gaze to his lap. Skyler’s stretched out his legs under the table so that they’re in between Trevor’s splayed open ones. He knows Skyler’s not doing it on purpose. He’s got long legs. But it’s almost like he’s unconsciously slotting the two of them together. Like before.

Except this is nothing like before.

Because Skyler’s right here, and even though Trevor’s fingertips still remember the feeling of tracing along those sharp cheekbones… He can’t touch him. He lost that privilege a long time ago.

Skyler’s knee nudges his thigh—by accident, certainly—when he says, “I was sorry to hear about you and Sierra.”

“No you weren’t.”

Skyler falters. “Well. I mean, I won’t lie and say that was all I felt. It’s complicated, obviously. But you should know that, even after everything that went down with us, I…”

“What?”

You what?

“I still wanted you to be happy.”

Those words hit Trevor like a brick.

Because he still wanted Skyler to be happy too. He still does. But it’s such a Skyler thing to just come out and say it so openly right now while Trevor’s struggling to keep all his cards hidden. And that includes the ones tattooed on his chest.

He has to say something.

I’ll always want you to be happy, even if I wish more than anything that you could have stayed happy with me.

No. Not that.

“It, um. It was hard because”—he rubs at the back of his head—“I did love her. In a way. But I was never truly in love with her. You know?”

Why did he say that last part? Of course Skyler knows. He must.

Trevor’s only ever been in love with him.

“And yet, you married her,” Skyler says, the unmistakable traces of bitterness creeping into his voice. But he has every damn right to be bitter.

“Let’s not talk about it. This topic might be too much for today, yeah?” It’s probably too much to talk about ever, really. Trevor doesn’t need the reminder of how badly he screwed up. As if he’s been able to forget it for even one day.

“Yeah. Okay.” Skyler starts picking at the table again.

This has gone better than Trevor could have expected, all things considered. They’re not yelling at each other. They’re not crying. Maybe they can quit while they’re ahead and walk away amicably.

“Do you want to go grab a coffee?” Skyler asks.

“Um.”

Yes.

No.

Fuck.

“Okay. Sure.”