Page 48 of Heartbreak Honey

Now

Skyler’s excited for Oli’s wedding. To celebrate his friend’s happiness, and to be going with Trevor, even if people won’t know that’s what they’re doing. He’s excited to hang out with some of his favorite people together for the first time in a very long time. Yes, he knows things will be tense with Noah, but he can handle it. It’s way past time for him to apologize. (Though, to be fair, he did try before, and Noah ignored all his calls until he gave up.)

His only worry is that Trevor might be worried.

But Trevor doesn’t say anything as they’re getting ready for the rehearsal dinner. Oli’s rented out some trendy restaurant downtown and assured them the paparazzi won’t find out. Mike drives them, and when they arrive, Trevor only glances up and down the street before stepping out of the car behind Skyler.

They walk inside together. The only people attending are in the wedding party, so it’s relatively safe. No one here will out them.

Even so, they won’t act like a couple tonight, and especially tomorrow at the wedding. They’ve already discussed it, Trevor making sure to ask about fifteen times if Skyler was okay with this, which he is.

It’s not ideal. Sure, Skyler wishes they could do something as simple as dance together at their friend’s wedding. But he’s going to be on his best behavior and not do anything that could make Trevor uncomfortable. Because while Skyler’s publicly out, Trevor isn’t.

Trevor may never come out.

And Skyler’s going to respect his decision this time.

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter, really, if they’re free to dance together at the wedding and show everyone how in love they are, does it? All that truly matters is that he knows Trevor is his. That they’ll go home together. Tonight, tomorrow night, and hopefully every night after for the rest of their lives.

So when Trevor looks unsure for a second, Skyler nudges his shoulder in a friendly way and whispers, “It’ll be fine.”

Trevor nods and points at Oli standing off to the side of the room with his parents. Skyler leads the way over there, but they’ve barely crossed half the room when Oli turns around, his face splitting into a grin as he runs to meet them.

After exchanging bear hugs with both of them, Oli says, “Come on,” and then proceeds to drag them away. He’s apparently decided to get all the major awkwardness out of the way first, bless him, because he brings them into a smaller separate room where Jermaine and Noah are waiting.

Okay, wow.This is the first time all five of them have been in a room together since their last Grammy performance. The one Skyler absolutely ruined.

Jermaine hugs both him and Trevor, even though he saw them recently, but Noah makes no move to step closer, and then all five of them are standing there in a sloppy circle, glancing around at one another unsure of what comes next.

Well.

Skyler clears his throat and everyone’s eyes dart to him. “So, uh, I need to say something. I want you guys to know how sorry I am. I’ve said it to some of you before, but I want to say it to all of you together.”

Trevor opens his mouth to interrupt, probably to tell him he doesn’t need to do this. But he does, so he shakes his head and Trevor lets him continue.

“The reason I disappeared after that horrible night at the Grammys was because I couldn’t handle how badly I’d fucked up and let everyone down. I thought, not only did you guys all hate me, but the fans and everyone in the industry hated me too. I didn’t think I could recover from what happened, and I assumed you guys would recover better without me.”

“Clearly we didn’t though,” Noah says evenly.

Skyler catches Trevor glaring at Noah like he’s going to tell him to shut up, or possibly step forward and punch him—again—so Skyler nudges him gently. Lets him know it’s okay.

“I figured you guys would stay together,” he tells them. “I never stopped to consider that me leaving would mean the band was over. But obviously I thought that Trevor and I were done, and he’d never want to see me again. I couldn’t handle still being in the band and having to face him every day. So.” He shakes his head. This is harder to say out loud than he expected. “What I’m trying to say is I didn’t handle anything right, and I understand there’s nothing I can do to make it up to you guys now, but I am so sorry.”

There are a few tense moments where nobody moves or speaks, then Trevor’s arm slides around his waist as Oli steps in to ruffle his hair and give him a pat on the back. Jermaine squeezes in to rub his shoulder, and Skyler’s relieved and so grateful for these guys. But then he looks past Jermaine to Noah, who’s remained rooted to his spot. They hold eye contact for a couple seconds before Noah gives him a pointed nod and looks away. And that’s fine. It’s the most he could have hoped for, really.

Trevor sticks close by his side when they all go back to join the rest of the party. He doesn’t touch Skyler, but it’s like he wants him to know he’s right there. He’s with him.

Oli’s dad takes charge for the rehearsal, which goes smoothly, and then everyone sits down to eat. When Trevor butters a roll and offers it to Skyler like it’s the most natural thing in the world, nobody bats an eye at them. Skyler’s trying hard to tamp down his smile, but he pretty much fails. Especially after Trevor knocks their knees together under the table.

After dinner, people get up and start mingling while they wait for the servers to bring out dessert. Trevor leaves him to go talk to Megan and her sister, and before Skyler can get up to wander around himself, Noah takes Trevor’s seat.

“Uh, hey,” Skyler says.

Noah nods. “Hey.”

And then when Noah doesn’t say anything else, Skyler blurts out, “I’m sorry. I know I already said that, but you deserve to hear it one-on-one.”

“I appreciate it,” Noah tells him. “But I didn’t come over here for another apology. I wanted to know how you’ve been. It’s impossible to miss how well you’ve done for yourself, but it’s weird that I don’t know what you’ve been up to outside of your career. Since there was a time that I knew whenever you took a shit.”

He laughs and catches Noah cracking a smile too. “I know what you mean. I missed having you in my life.”

“Yeah, well. You might be one of the most stubborn people I know, but I could probably give you a run for your money. I should’ve checked up on you ages ago. But I was angry, and I held on to that for a long time.”

“You’re totally justified in being angry,” Skyler tells him.

“True, but I needed to let it go.” Noah shrugs. “And honestly, we were all about to lose our minds with how overworked we were and all the bullshit they put us through. Some kind of breakdown was probably inevitable. If it hadn’t gone down the way it did, who knows how much longer we would have all held it together anyway.”

Skyler suddenly remembers a conversation he had with Jermaine that feels like it happened a hundred years ago. “I think Jermaine kind of wanted out.”

“I think so too,” Noah says. “I think if everyone really wanted to, we could’ve kept going as a band when you left. But I don’t think they wanted to. Actually, I might have been the only one who’d never imagined splitting up. I definitely took it the hardest. And I don’t know, maybe that was because I didn’t think I could be good enough on my own.”

Woah.For a moment, Skyler just stares at him, because he never would have guessed Noah felt that way. If anything, sometimes Noah seemed a little too full of himself. “You’ve done really well with your own music though,” he offers.

Noah nods. “I have. Nowhere near as well as you, but that’s okay. We all knew from day one that you had some extra star power magic the rest of us didn’t.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that.

Noah gives Trevor’s empty wine glass a twirl and smiles. “So you and Trevor, huh?”

Skyler bites his lip shyly. He wonders if Oli or Jermaine told him, or if Noah can simply tell because he knows them both so well, despite the five years he didn’t speak to them. And it’s not that Skyler doesn’t trust him—no matter how mad he was at them, Noah never sold them out to the press after the band broke up. It’s just that he doesn’t trust himself to be able to talk about Trevor without absolutely gushing and sounding like a dork.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Noah says. “I get it.”

“No! We um… yeah. We’re good.”

Noah smiles again. “I’m glad. Half of me can’t believe it, after all this time. But the other half of me is like, well duh, they’re fucking soulmates, they had to end up together.”

“I hope so, but…”

“But what?”

Skyler sneaks a quick glance at Trevor, who’s entertaining people with some animated story. It’s so good to see him happy. “There’s always the chance I’ll mess it up again, isn’t there?”

Noah shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s possible. If he forgave you for what you did, then I’m sure he intends to stick around.”

“The Grammys was my low point. I don’t ever intend to act that dumb and selfish again.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Right. Well, when I accused him of cheating, that was pretty low too.”

Noah looks at him sideways. “Also not what I meant, but wow, you have a long list of offenses, huh?”

Before Skyler can say anything to defend himself—not that he should even try to defend himself—Noah’s eyes soften.

“I’m talking about his mom’s voicemail. When you broke his phone. I only knew about it because Oli told me, but it sounded like he was pretty destroyed over it.”

Skyler has no idea what he means. He remembers breaking Trevor’s phone in his pathetic desperation, but. “What voicemail?”

Noah looks surprised. “Oh. Um. I guess he had a voicemail saved on his phone, something his mom left him right before she… So when the phone broke, all he could think about was that he’d lost it. He didn’t tell you?”

No, he didn’t.

“I need to…” Skyler pushes his chair back and stands abruptly.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Noah says. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

He shakes his head. “You didn’t, don’t worry.”

This was his fault. Like so many other things.

God, this night is turning into his apology tour.

Skyler makes his way toward Trevor, but then hovers nearby, not wanting to interrupt. As he’s waiting for an opening to pull him aside, Jermaine comes over and hands him what looks like a Cosmo. Skyler raises his eyebrows.

“I was trying to flirt with the bartender,” Jermaine explains, “and when I asked her what her specialty was, she said it was making the pinkest drinks possible. Not sure if she was trying to get rid of me, but I had her make one for you.”

He chuckles. “Thanks.”

“So I listened to the demo you sent me of the new album, and I loved it. I couldn’t believe it when I listened to ‘He’s Mine,’ but it’s fucking great. Not to be all sappy and shit, but I’m so proud of you, man.”

“Come on, I’ve seen your sappy side plenty of times,” Skyler teases him. “But are you sure it’s not too much? Like too in-your-face, I’m-gay-whether-you-like-it-or-not?”

Jermaine tuts and says, “No such thing. You’re singing what you feel, the same way everyone else does. If people want to get worked up over pronouns, that’s their problem. And hey, you’ve been practicing for this your whole career, right?”

Skyler gives him a look, trying to decipher what he means.

“You know. All those times you changed the lyrics onstage.” Jermaine slaps him on the back. “At least Trevor’s okay with it now, huh?”

Wait.

Shit.

He was so relieved when Trevor encouraged him to release “He’s Mine,” and when his label loved it. But how did he not consider Trevor’s feelings all those times in the band when he sang he’s instead of she’s? How did he not realize that Trevor might not have been okay with it back then?

He’d thought Trevor just didn’t want him to get in trouble with management, but was Skyler also making Trevor uncomfortable? Was he too caught up in doing whatever he wanted to notice?

“Hey, I’ll be right back,” he tells Jermaine. Thankfully Trevor is stepping away from the group he was talking to, because Skyler can’t wait any longer.

Trevor smiles when he notices him approaching. “Having fun?”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not having fun?” Trevor asks, frowning.

Skyler shakes his head. “No, I am. I was.” Until two people pointed out to me all the ways in which I was an asshole. “But I have to tell you how sorry I am.”

“You already did that when we got here, and so many other times.”

He shakes his head again, trying to clear it of his own self-conscience that’s furiously berating him in order to articulate what he needs to say. “Not about the Grammys. Just listen, please. When I used to change lyrics during shows, I know you thought I was doing it as a way of acting out against management. And that was part of it, but also…”

He double checks that no one is around listening, then lowers his voice to practically a whisper anyway. “Also, I loved you so much I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to be able to show you all the time. And I never thought of it as me trying to out you, but I don’t know, maybe subconsciously that could’ve been a part of it too, and I’m so sorry. I would have never done that to you on purpose, you have to believe me, I—”

“Baby, stop,” Trevor cuts off his rambling, wrapping his fingers around Skyler’s forearm. And that’s. That’s probably the most he’s touched Skyler in public since they got back together. “How many times do I have to say you don’t need to apologize to me for things you did when we were young? If you keep doing it, then I’ll have to do it too, because god knows I have plenty to apologize for. But I’d rather move forward.”

Skyler can’t help it, his eyes drift down to where Trevor is holding him. When Trevor realizes what he’s doing, he lets go, and Skyler sighs, disappointed at the loss. He wants to accept what Trevor’s saying, but there’s still the other thing. The absolutely horrible thing he did without even realizing it because he was such a mess.

“Okay, I hear you. But you have to let me apologize for one more thing.”

Trevor eyes him wearily. “What is it?”

“Your phone.”

For a moment, Trevor’s eyes are blank. And then they flash with pain.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your mom’s voicemail?” Skyler presses, voice rising a bit at the end in his distress. “Not that you had it originally, because I get why you’d want to keep it for yourself and not share it with me. But why didn’t you tell me after I’d made you lose something so important to you?”

Trevor’s lips part. His eyes dart from Skyler to the people around them and back. Then he says, “Come on, follow me.”

When he turns and strides away, Skyler does what he says without question. He’d probably follow Trevor off a cliff if he asked him to. Which should be ridiculous and scary, but he’s not scared. Because Trevor is…

Skyler trusts him. With everything. And fuck, how could Trevor trust him after all the dumb shit he’s done?

He’s managed to work himself up even more by the time Trevor comes to a stop, and he has to steady himself with a hand on Trevor’s shoulder so he doesn’t walk right into him. They’re in the smaller, empty room that Oli brought them to earlier.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks again. “Obviously you didn’t tell me when it happened because everything spiraled from there. But why not now?”

“Because I knew it would kill you if you found out,” Trevor says. “I knew you wouldn’t forgive yourself.”

“I don’t! I can’t believe I did that to you.”

Trevor takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Baby, you didn’t know about it. You didn’t do it on purpose.”

“But it’s still my fault,” he argues. “If I wasn’t such a drunken disaster—”

“Hey.” Trevor reaches up with his free hand to run his fingers gently through Skyler’s hair, managing not to tangle in the curls. “Calm down for me, okay, baby? Can you do that?”

Skyler nods, not entirely sure he can, but Trevor’s calling him baby again, and that does something to him. Makes him want to deserve the gentle affection Trevor offers up so easily.

And then Trevor places his hand firmly around the nape of his neck and time stops. Everything settles inside him.

“It was actually fine,” Trevor tells him. “When I got a new phone, I was able to access the saved voicemail. Which I should have known, but in the moment, I panicked. That’s why I left that night. It wasn’t the song you’d written when you were angry. I was really hurt by that, yeah, but I knew you didn’t mean it. Maybe we still could have worked things out if I hadn’t been so distraught over a voicemail.”

“It’s not just a voicemail. It’s your mom.” And shit, Skyler’s so relieved to hear it wasn’t lost.

“I know. But I never should have left you like that. The way things ended, it’s not all on you. And I’ve spent a lot of time being miserable, living in the past. Getting you back has made me happy in a way I never thought I could be again. So I want us to both say we’ve learned from the mistakes we’ve made and start truly moving forward. Okay?”

“Okay,” Skyler agrees. The guilt still sits there in the pit of his stomach. But he thinks the only way he can ease it is to do better now—to finally be the man Trevor deserves.

To be worthy of the sun.

“Okay,” Trevor repeats. When he smiles at Skyler, Skyler’s powerless not to smile back. And when Trevor leans in for a quick kiss, well…

Skyler holds on to him tightly, refuses to let him pull away. Soon they’re breathing heavy and groping each other over their nice clothes.

“Hold on,” Trevor says, wrenching his mouth away. At Skyler’s involuntary whimper of protest, he smiles, rubbing his thumb along Skyler’s bottom lip. Then he looks around and starts striding purposefully toward the other side of the room, tugging Skyler along with him.

A few moments later, Skyler finds himself in a coat check room, luckily abandoned, being shoved into a rack of expensive coats. Trevor’s lips are attached to his neck now, and as Skyler grips carelessly on to the nearest item of clothing to steady himself, he realizes they need to move before they wreck something.

Trevor lets himself be pushed back a few steps, but he doesn’t cease his work in biting at the tendons of Skyler’s neck and trying to make Skyler’s knees buckle.

It pains him to do this, but he grips Trevor by the shoulders and says, “Hey, you don’t want to leave a mark right now.”

Because they’re not at home, and people will see. And while he couldn’t care less if people know that his insanely hot boyfriend mauled him, he knows Trevor doesn’t want that.

Trevor finally lets up and blinks at him, taking a moment to realize what he’s saying. And then he frowns, eyeing Skyler’s neck like he does want to see it marked up. Skyler knows that look because he’s looked at Trevor’s neck like that so many times. Like a blank canvas for him to paint in reds and purples. He shivers under Trevor’s gaze and leans in to kiss him again.

“Feels like old times, doesn’t it?” Trevor murmurs against his lips.

Skyler pulls back to laugh because it does. And because that’s wonderful. “Remember when Oli walked in on us?” he asks.

Trevor quirks an eyebrow playfully and says, “Which time?”

And Skyler just… loves him. He loves him so much.

They don’t have time for anything more than mutual handjobs, because it’s a small party and their absence will be noticed. But somehow, it’s better this way. Reminds him of when they were young and first starting to explore things. When everything was new, and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

Well actually. That part hasn’t changed much in the last ten years.

The rough glide of Trevor’s hand around him makes Skyler moan loud enough that Trevor slaps his other hand over his mouth to stifle the noise. Which only turns him on more.

By the time they’re finished and looking presentable again, everyone’s already sitting down eating dessert. Oli catches Skyler’s eye and opens his mouth to make what would surely be an inappropriate joke, but luckily Skyler’s fierce look and subtle head shake is enough to make him snap it shut. Skyler’s shameless about this stuff, but not everyone here knows about them, and he doesn’t want anything to make Trevor worry.

Trevor doesn’t seem overly concerned, though, as a few other heads turn to watch them take their seats. And as they eat their desserts, he hooks his ankle around Skyler’s. So there’s that.

At the end of the night, they’re both pleasantly tipsy, laughing and falling over each other as they climb into the backseat when Mike picks them up. Skyler can’t wait to get Trevor home and spend a few hours showing him how much he loves him. Preferably naked.

And tomorrow he’ll get to watch Oli marry the love of his life, and then he’ll go home with the love of his life, and they’ll strip each other out of their pretty suits, and maybe say their own silent vows by pressing their lips to each other’s skin. It’ll be perfect.

It’s all he needs.

He doesn’t need public declarations and articles written about their relationship. He only needs Trevor.

He wishes his younger self could have realized that. But he knows it now.