Page 33 of Heartbreak Honey

Now

Trevor’s never been a religious person, but lying naked in this bed right now, in the middle of the afternoon, with the sun streaming through the large windows warming his skin, he thinks this must be what heaven is like. And if he tried to write something that sappy and cliched into a song five or ten years ago, he would have been a bit disgusted with himself. In this moment, though, he wants to write a hundred songs like that, and he’s pretty sure it still wouldn’t be enough.

Skyler isn’t cuddling him—they’re both sweaty and gross—but his thumb is rubbing back and forth over Trevor’s hip, and somehow it feels like the strongest physical connection imaginable. Stronger even than when Skyler was inside of him.

Since they got back together, they’ve been having so much sex. Which isn’t unlike their relationship the first time around. Only this time, they have the luxury of time and space and privacy. They spend every night in Skyler’s apartment. Not sleeping in hotel rooms or on tour buses. They have all the time in the world to worship each other’s bodies.

Or maybe it’s only the illusion of time and privacy. Maybe this gorgeous penthouse is a bubble that’s going to burst soon. Skyler will need to go back to L.A. eventually. Back to the studio, back on the road. Back to his real life.

He’s recording his acoustic set in a few days, and then who knows what will happen next? But Trevor would rather not worry about that right now. Right now he’s happy, and perfectly sated, and he’s going to live inside this bubble for as long as possible.

Rolling over onto his side, he spots Skyler’s assortment of rings scattered on the nightstand. It sends a wave of heat through his body as he thinks about what happened an hour ago, how Skyler slowly pulled each one off his fingers and set them there. How Trevor shivered in anticipation, knowing exactly what that meant—what Skyler planned to do to him.

He can’t help but grin at the memory of Skyler’s fingers buried in his ass, playing with him as skillfully as he plays a guitar, until Trevor begged for release. Trevor can still feel the pleasant ache inside his body.

He reaches out for the opal ring, for no other reason than it’s pretty and he wants to touch it. Skyler makes a questioning noise beside him, but neither one of them has found the energy to speak yet.

It’s not until the ring is in the palm of Trevor’s hand and he’s rolled onto his back again that Skyler’s eyes widen, and he says, “Wait.”

Before Trevor can ask why, he notices something engraved inside the thick silver band. Bringing the ring up to his face, he takes a closer look, and his breath catches in his throat.

An all-too-familiar date.

He slowly turns to Skyler, clutching the ring so tightly between his fingers it hurts. “Is this…”

Skyler’s eyes dart guiltily between Trevor and the ring. “It’s the first ring you gave me. I got it reset to add the stone.”

“But,” Trevor says eloquently. And then, gathering himself, “Why?”

“It’s not a big deal, it’s just…”

As Skyler trails off, Trevor gapes at him, because this is the biggest deal. He’s looked for that ring on Skyler’s finger. He assumed Skyler got rid of it long ago. But no. It was right there, hiding in plain sight, the heart etching covered up.

Skyler’s been wearing it all this time.

Skyler reaches for the covers pooled at their feet, tugging them up to their waists before turning onto his side. Trevor mirrors him. They watch each other, an entire conversation happening silently between blinks and lip twitches and breaths.

And Trevor knows, somewhere deep down, why Skyler did it. But he wants to hear it out loud, so he urges, “Tell me why.”

Skyler’s hand crosses the tiny amount of space between them to run his finger over the stone of the ring Trevor isn’t giving up. “I couldn’t get rid of it, but it also hurt too much to see that heart there. But I guess I kept it as a reminder of what I had and what I lost. Maybe a reminder that if I was ever lucky enough to find a love like that again not to screw it up.”

His expression is pained now, and Trevor opens his mouth to say something, but Skyler shakes his head, so Trevor lets him go on.

“I assumed I’d never be that lucky again though. I knew I’d never be able to love someone else the way I loved you, and I never dared to imagine that you’d come back to me.”

Trevor edges in impossibly closer before he realizes what he’s doing. Skyler’s exhales caress his cheek. “But I did,” he whispers, almost afraid if he speaks any louder something will break. Maybe his heart.

Because he assumed Skyler was happier without him.

He had no idea Skyler was holding on as hard as he was.

Skyler smiles gently and says, “Yeah. You did.” He reaches for Trevor’s hand where it’s pressed between their chests and takes the ring from his fingers. Trevor lets out an involuntary whimper, but then Skyler slides it onto Trevor’s pinkie. “So it’s not such a painful reminder anymore. Now it can represent how I’m the luckiest idiot in the world.”

He should say something. Tell Skyler he’s not an idiot. Tell him how he felt all those same things while they weren’t together. But he doesn’t, because he’s overwhelmed, and he’s pretty sure Skyler already knows anyway.

When Skyler kisses him, that’s overwhelming too, but in a way Trevor loves. In a way he knows what to do with. He brings both of his hands into Skyler’s hair, crooking his pinkie carefully so as not to let the ring slip off. His fingers scratch and tangle and tug, and Skyler lets out the sweetest little noises into his mouth.

Trevor wants more. He always wants more with this man. But it doesn’t scare him so much now that he knows he can have it. He swings a leg over Skyler’s hip and climbs on top of him. Then he nips Skyler’s jaw playfully and tells him, “I want to go again.”

Skyler laughs. “I’m not a teenager anymore. You’ll have to give me a little more time to get it back up.”

“Okay, guess I’ll have to find some way to occupy myself while I wait.”

He shoots Skyler an innocent smile and shoves the covers off them before sliding down Skyler’s body until he’s over his legs. He fixes his gaze on Skyler’s right hip, where a tattoo of a snake wraps around it. It’s a newer piece, and Trevor wants to become as familiar with it as he is with the others, so he traces his tongue from the head to the tail. Then he presses his lips there. He sucks and nibbles on the skin gently but with persistence, intent on leaving his own mark.

Skyler’s fingers curl around his shoulder, pressing in deep.

After he’s satisfied with his work on Skyler’s hip bone, he moves farther down, kissing a path until he reaches his inner thigh. He pulls Skyler’s leg to the side, giving himself more room, then bites down hard, making Skyler’s back arch off the bed.

Looking up, Trevor grins when he finds Skyler’s eyes are already starting to glaze over. “I’ll be down here until you’re ready,” he tells him.

“Fuuuuck,” Skyler breathes out.

After they eventually make it out of bed, Skyler has changed into black shorts that hug his thighs and a T-shirt with a graphic of a strawberry that says pick me. Trevor thinks if it were anyone else, his T-shirt collection might be embarrassing, but because it’s Skyler, it’s somehow cute. Although Trevor’s obviously biased.

Curled up in a chair, Trevor’s still a bit lost in a post-sex haze but trying to focus on what Skyler’s doing rather than how cute he looks. He promised to help Skyler finalize his acoustic set. And it means a lot to him that Skyler cares about his opinion on this stuff after all this time. After Skyler’s musical and performance skills have far surpassed his own.

Skyler’s on the couch playing guitar, and Trevor’s eyes widen in recognition when he begins strumming the chords of a familiar song. Trevor’s song. “Haunted.”

Lying here, half the bed is empty

But I roll over and pretend your body’s under mine

My fingertips skim your hips, and I lean down to kiss your lips

Then the spell is broken, and I realize

You just can’t hold on to a ghost

And I’m haunted

Haunted by the thought of you

I wanted

Something too good to be true

My nights are

Cold, lonely, and blue

Haunted by the ghost of you

Trevor’s not entirely sure what his face is doing as he listens to Skyler sing the painful words with such raw emotion, but he’s on the verge of losing it and it must show.

Because when Skyler glances up after the chorus, he freezes. “I’m sorry.”

Trevor shakes his head, trying to snap out of it. It’s just a damn song he wrote years ago. “You don’t have to be.”

Still, he’d like Skyler to move on and play something else.

Skyler gnaws on his lip for a few seconds. Then—“Is it about me?”

Confusion knits Trevor’s eyebrows together. “Who else would it be about?”

“Your ex-wife.”

Oh, her.

How could Skyler think that?

“Of course it’s about you.”

Skyler fiddles with his guitar strings. “I thought so, but I couldn’t be sure. You did marry her. You were obviously having sex with her. Is it crazy to think you missed her?”

Sure, Trevor missed her, in some twisted way. But that was nothing compared to missing Skyler. And he’s afraid to say that, but this thing with them is only going to work if he’s willing to open himself up and be vulnerable again, so.

He clears his throat, wills his voice not to shake. “It’s about you.” He can barely meet Skyler’s gaze, but he can speak the truth. “Everything’s about you.”

Skyler’s silent for long enough Trevor starts to squirm, before he says, “It’s a beautiful song.”

“It’s a depressing song,” Trevor counters.

“It’s real.”

He shrugs. “Yeah, well. I was really depressed.”

It’s hard to admit that, but Skyler must know by now anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Skyler says again.

“You don’t have to be,” he repeats.

Skyler gives him a look he can’t quite read. Regretful, maybe, but something else too. And then he asks, “Can I sing it?”

“You just did.”

“No, for my set.”

“What?” No.

“Please?” Skyler says, eyes big and hopeful. “It’s so good. I think it’s one of your best, and they told me to include a couple covers, so I’d love to sing it.”

Not giving Skyler something he wants kills him. And he knows Skyler doesn’t legally need his permission to cover a song. But he shakes his head. “No.”

Skyler frowns. “Why not?”

God, so many reasons. And Trevor’s willing to be vulnerable, sure, but that? How can Skyler even ask that? “If you do that, people will talk. You know they’ll read into it.”

Skyler’s nose twitches almost imperceptibly. “And what are you worried they’re going to think?”

Trevor rearranges himself in his seat, pulling his knees up to his chest like a shield. He doesn’t want to talk about this. Doesn’t want to admit he’s still so fucking terrified of the public finding out about them.

But Skyler knows. He knew when they decided to do this again that they’d have to keep it a secret. Didn’t he? Why is he pushing this?

“Look, forget it,” Skyler says. He sets his guitar on the couch and goes to Trevor, perching himself on the arm of the chair and hugging Trevor toward him. “I know some people would speculate, but they always do. I think most people would just assume I like the song. And I already said I had feelings for you in the past, so I don’t think they’d read too much more into it. But if you’re worried about it, I understand.”

He’s not sure which is worse—Skyler pushing him or being understanding. Either way, it feels like Trevor’s failing him already. Or should he say again.

“I’m just not ready to be in the public eye like that again,” he says. “I’ve gotten used to being ignored by the media and it’s been easier that way.”

When Skyler cringes at his words, he instantly regrets them. Fuck.

Trevor once told Skyler he thought it would be easier if he was dating a regular person instead of another celebrity. Instead of Skyler.

Dumbest thing he’s ever said. Even if it was true.

He relinquishes his hold on his knees in order to slide an arm around Skyler’s waist, finally returning the hug. “I didn’t mean—”

“I know. And I said I understood. You have the right to privacy.”

“I just think it’s too soon. After you coming out, and mentioning my name…”

“Trevor.” Skyler squeezes him once, then lets go. “It’s fine.”

He should drop it, accept that Skyler’s fine with this. But a seed of worry starts to grow that this could be what ends them again. So he needs to ask something. “What if I’m never ready?”

Skyler looks conflicted, the corners of his mouth dipping down. But then he sighs and places a soft kiss on the top of Trevor’s head. He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t look too upset when he disentangles himself from Trevor and returns to his seat on the couch.

This time when Skyler sings, it’s one of his own songs, “Map of You.” Trevor relaxes slightly. He knew Skyler planned to sing this one, so he’s prepared for it. Even if it sounds so much like a response to “Haunted.”

Friends tell me go out and meet someone new

But it’s hard when all I still think about is you

The way you laugh, way you taste

That tempting come and get me look on your face

Oh, it’s true

There’s a map inside my mind

Leading to treasure I can never find

Know your body better than I know my own

Every dip, every curve, every bone

Spent years exploring, all my time adoring

But now I lie in bed alone

Curled up with nothing but my map of you

Trevor waits until Skyler finishes the song to ask, voice laden with teasing sarcasm, “So who’s that one about?”

Skyler laughs and tells him to shut up. Then he plays some more, but he’s just messing with random chords, nothing Trevor recognizes. When he opens his mouth again, it’s not to sing but to say, “I could quit.”

“Quit what?”

“Music.”

“Ha,” Trevor says. Because he assumes he’s joking.

But Skyler goes on. “I could give it up. I have more money than I know what to do with already.”

Oh.He’s not joking.

Trevor frowns. Because. “That’s not what you want.”

Skyler’s eyes are piercing. “I want you.”

“Not the point.”

Skyler sounds reluctant when he admits, “No, it’s not what I want. I love performing.” He fixes Trevor with another intense look. “But I’d do it if it’s what it takes to make this work.”

“Except it wouldn’t work,” Trevor tells him, trying to ignore the way his heart races at Skyler offering to give up everything for him. “Because then you’d miss it and be miserable, and you’d end up resenting me.”

“I wouldn’t resent you.”

“You don’t know that.” He notices Skyler didn’t deny that he would miss it.

Skyler puts down the guitar and stands, but he doesn’t cross over to Trevor. “God, don’t you realize I’d do anything for you?”

Trevor needs to take a deep breath. “I do.” He does. “But I’m not asking you to do that. I don’t want you to do that.”

Skyler just stands there looking defeated.

Trevor gets up, wanting to lighten the mood but unsure how. “Besides, it wouldn’t help much at this point,” he says. “Britney Spears hasn’t made music in forever, and the paps still harass her every time she steps outside.”

“Are you comparing me to Britney Spears?” Skyler asks, lip quirking up.

“It was the first example that came to mind.”

Skyler grins and then, with a deadpan delivery, tells Trevor to hit him one more time.

Trevor groans. “You are the absolute worst.”

“You love me.”

“I do.”

The tension’s already broken, but for good measure, he darts forward and grabs Skyler around the middle, bending him over so he can smack his ass.

Skyler yelps. “Oh my god, stop!”

“You asked for it,” he tells him.

Skyler is laughing so hard he’s shaking, but he manages to grab Trevor’s wrist before it can come down on his ass again. Then he spins around in his arms and kisses him.

It doesn’t get heated. Sometimes they go from zero to one hundred so fast, and other times they kiss like this simply for the sake of kissing. For the sake of pressing their feelings into each other’s mouths.

When they pull away, Trevor’s heart and his brain have sort of melted together. And maybe that’s what makes him say, “You can sing the song.”

He’s still a little bit scared of what people will think about it. But the look in Skyler’s eyes right now—the dazzling, sparkling awe and joy and love—tells him he’s making the right choice.