Page 60 of Guarded Knight

But even though he made his confession, I swear I saw regret in his eyes when Anton came in. He’d lost control and needed to claw it back. Is he afraid of what Xander would think? Or is he afraid of himself? Or still… of hurting me?

It’s not easy that we’re still staying in Anton and G’s house together, but equally, it’s meant that I haven’t had to explain the barn incident to Freya, not the kiss, not the accusation, because we haven’t been alone long enough for me to blurt it all out.

The next day, we work at G’s formal dining room table that’s at the far, unused-looking end of the open-plan space. Gabriel sits in the living room, his glorious features illuminated by the blue light of his laptop as the sun dips and another day of not knowing what the hell is going on in my life has nearly come and gone.

I glance at Freya, all focused on her laptop, blowing one of her cute, bouncy black curls off her forehead.

What will I tell her when we go back to the apartment later? When Gabriel watches from a distance and she wants the scoop? Does Gabriel really suspect my best friend? Or is it his typical due process of guilty before proven innocent? All I know is he’s wrong and needs to stay focused. Not that he isn’t.

I get why Gabriel would be suspicious, I guess. It seems impossible that Cameron could have done these things without a key. That makes Freya an easy target, but hardly the only possibility.

ShouldIbe suspicious?

I’m a lot of things, but naive isn’t one of them.

Yeah, I’ve always picked the wrong guys. On purpose, mostly. I took applications for caterpillars only, warm and fuzzy, no butterflies, no risk of heartbreak that way on their side or mine.

Cameron? It’s not a shocker he turned out to be a creep. I always saw the intensity in his eyes, the clinginess, the frat boy who sold his diploma to pay for the party. But this… the break-ins, the intrusive pictures, the smoke bomb… I didn’t see that coming.

I tighten my grip around my Stanley Cup.

I will not blame myself forhischoices.

And Freya? Gabriel is point-blank wrong.

I take a long sip of sweet iced tea and stare at my laptop screen, spreadsheets cluttering every inch. Now that Freya’s opened the door about Kevin, I’m determined to find what Scarlet Hope’s money is being spent on. I need to get to the bottom of this for both of us, and fast. My guts are telling me something is off. And today, something very strange emerges.

One name pops up on the board of trustees at both the Harris Foundation and several charities where Scarlet Hope offered funds recently. Belinda Doyle.

Who the hell is Belinda Doyle? Why is she on the board of so many charities?

Could she be skimming funds from Scarlet Hope?

The idea makes me sick. I’ve given my everything to this place—late nights, cold calls, speeches, the works. And for what? I glare at last year’s annual report for one of Belinda’s charities, Tiny Heroes. That money could’ve covered treatments for dozens of kids, dozens of hotel rooms for underprivileged families who struggle to see their child in the hospital every day.

I stare at the luxury car purchase on the financial report I pulled. Unless this charity gave the Range Rover as a last wish for a kid, there is no reason anyone in this sector needs that sort of expenditure.

I sip the last bit of liquid from my cup until air slurps through.

My eyes ache. My head pounds, and my mind turns back to G. We’ll need to talk. Iwantto talk.

“Lara?” Freya’s voice cuts through the fog. “You with me?”

“Yeah.” I blow hair off my forehead. “Just tired.”

“You look it.” She tilts her head, studying me.

She glances briefly behind, and Gabriel still stares at his laptop. She turns her back to him again and mouths:Are you two okay?

I have been wanting to talk to her about the kiss all day. Desperately. But Gabriel hasn’t given the space.

I mouth back:I have so much to tell you.

She brings her hand to the middle of her chest, where he won’t see it, and gives me a thumbs-up and then a thumbs down, asking me which way the barn went.

I make a fist with my thumb out, keeping it in the neutral position.

Is what happened in the barn good or bad? I know Gabriel and I can’t be together. But nothing about that kiss or the way I feel every time he brings up the past makes me feel bad.