Page 101 of Guarded Knight

The times I tried to settle, it backfired. Nights with no sleep. Days wired with panic attacks I couldn’t get ahead of. Trying to make something good again never worked; it only made the crash come harder. So I kept moving. It felt safer that way.

Now she’s here, tangled up with me, and I can feel the weight of what it would mean not to run this time. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I’m built for it.

But Christ, I want to try.

25

Gabriel’s armis heavy around my middle, anchoring me like I might drift off without him. Last night was everything. The kind of everything that changes you down to the bone.

Except it hasn’t changed anything, has it? It does feel as though something has shifted. Gabriel isn’t uncertain about me. He feels this way despite my condition… my future. He knows it betterthan anyone else. Doesn’t that mean I’m not a burden? That I would be, if he didn’t have his issues, his choice?

All those questions swirl in my mind, but a more obvious one stares me in the face. Last night, with Freya’s certainty and mine combining, Kevin’s fraud means total uncertainty, likely the end of Scarlet Hope. It all comes back to me… the notes on my car, the footsteps in the dark, the message waiting at home— it pretty much all started around the time I first asked him about the transactions. It can’t be a coincidence. People do crazy things for money. And this is years’ worth of it.

Once we expose him, we’re unemployed. No job and no health insurance isn’t an option for me. I’m not sure Café Luna offers benefits. Not to mention, it’s a noble cause, cafés are a refuge and comfort zone for so many, but it’s not what I thought I’d do with my life.

Which means no matter how much I want to stay wrapped in this bed, in him, I’ll probably have to leave this town. Leave Gabriel. And he needs to stay here, with his family, where things matter, to heal. The thought alone is enough to hollow me out.

Suddenly, my tight lungs beg to be cleared like they always do in the morning. The scratch comes first, dry and stubborn, the familiar catch of air that waits for me in the morning. I should wake up untouchable after a night like that, but instead…

Cough.

I try to smother it, keep it small. I don’t want to wake him and remind him what loving me really means.

Cough.

His arm tightens, pulling me closer.

Cough.

“Firefly,” his voice rasps against my ear, “the coughing doesn’t bother me any more than the snoring.”

I turn around, and his eyes are still closed, but there’s a small smile playing on his lips, and somehow, despite how relaxed his features are, I wonder if he never even slept. Knowing him, he didn’t.

I kiss his forehead, then sit up to grab the water. “Coughing and snoring are a small price to pay for the promise of anal sex.”

“Lara…” He says my name the way he’s said it a million times before, like I’m the funniest girl in the world.

I laugh at myself, but it only makes me cough again, full force this time. I nestle back down into the crook of his arm. But I’m there for but a moment when Gabriel sits up like he’s been jolted by a tripwire. Every muscle coiled, every sense flared.

“Xander!” He whispers sharply.

I blink. “What?”

His head tilts slightly, listening.

And then I hear it, too—footsteps echoing from downstairs. My brother’s deep, familiar voice. Another smaller voice babbling beside it. Then another.My nieces.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I bolt upright. “Oh my God.” I cough again. Ugh. This is a shambles.

Gabriel’s already halfway into his jeans, scanning the room like he’s preparing for combat. “Shit. He said he was in SanFrancisco for work… He said he’d come by, but I didn’t think he meant today.”

My brother just loves a surprise because he didn’t tellme.

Usually, I like them, too, and in any other situation, this would have been a treat.

Gabriel swears under his breath and shoves one leg into his jeans. “I need a shirt.”