Page 34 of Going Overboard

It never ceases to amaze me how big and impressive this ship is.

Just when I think I’ve seen it all, something else dazzles me.

The thing I can never quite get over is how many whole things it has in it.

I know, that sounds silly but, like, I’m in a casino right now.

A whole casino right here on the ship, along with all the cabins, the restaurants, the gym, the spa, the cinema, the pools, the gaming rooms. All here.

You could think you were in Las Vegas right now, because this place is big, nice, flashy and full of people. Everyone is dressed in their best to play cards, roulette, slot machines – and of course to drink cocktails and just be genuinely fabulous.

Brody looks amazing in his suit. Effortlessly stylish, super dapper – to liken him to James Bond would be to make him sound corny or old-fashioned, but no, he just looks snappy and super cool.

I’m sitting on a high stool at the blackjack table, sipping my drink while I watch Brody play.

He’s doing a good job – I actually think he’s up, unlike Todd.

Every time I glance over at the craps table I can see him despairing.

I guess, even with Nikki blowing on the dice for luck, he’s on a bit of a losing streak.

Neil and Kelsey are doing rounds, seeing how people are doing. I think Neil played a few hands of poker but Kelsey looked bored, and Al and Kira are too wrapped up in their drinks, and each other of course, to roll the dice on… well, rolling the dice.

It’s all very fancy. Very elegant. But very, very, very boring, if I’m being honest with you.

‘This sucks, doesn’t it?’ Kelsey says, appearing from nowhere, seemingly reading my mind.

‘It’s lovely,’ Kira chimes in.

‘We’re having a great time,’ Al adds, doing his best to sound convincing.

‘Really?’ Kelsey replies. ‘Because five minutes ago I thought I saw you sleeping.’

‘I told you,’ Kira says, giving him a playful shove.

‘I think it’s exactly what you wanted to do,’ I tell her. ‘It’s fancy. Classy. Mature.’

I’m pretty sure that’s what we were going for.

‘Look at us. We’re having a great time,’ I add.

‘Everyone but Todd,’ Brody mutters under his breath, because he and Nikki are heading over to join us.

‘I can win it all back,’ Todd practically snaps at her, like a shit version of a character from a Scorsese movie.

‘No, you won’t,’ Nikki replies. ‘You need an intervention.’

Kelsey sighs and turns to Neil .

‘I just… I really thought you would love this,’ she tells him. ‘It’s a bit of you.’

‘Okay, but tonight is supposed to be a bit of us,’ he replies. ‘I want you to be happy too. We can do whatever you want.’

‘Ugh. I wish I’d planned something actually fun,’ Kelsey says with a pout.

‘I’ve planned something fun,’ Brody pipes up.

‘Have you?’ Kelsey replies.

‘Yeah. I was thinking about what to do with Neil after this, just the lads, and I got chatting to one of the crew…’

Here we go.

‘…and it turns out, there’s a kids’ zone on board,’ he says excitedly. ‘With a pool and a big soft play area. Disco lights. Slides. Ball pits. The works.’

‘So what?’ Nikki says, unimpressed. ‘We’re not six.’

‘So,’ Brody continues, ‘it’s closed right now, because this voyage is adults-only. But the guy I spoke to, he said he was a big fan of mine, and that I could hire it out – just for us.’

‘Sorry,’ Nikki replies in disbelief. ‘Have you been hit in the head with too many cricket balls? You want us to go to a kids’ play area?’

I wonder if she’s being even harder on him, now it’s starting to seem like she can’t get him back.

‘It’s not a kids’ play area tonight,’ he corrects her. ‘I’m turning it into a club.’

There’s a pause. Then Kelsey gasps.

‘Oh my God, Brody Ryan, I love you,’ she tells him. ‘That’s amazing. It sounds like so much fun.’

‘It really does,’ I add – well, after ten minutes of one of the dealers trying to explain what Kalooki is to me anything sounds preferable.

‘Can we go now?’ Kelsey practically begs him .

Brody jumps to his feet, straightens his jacket, and smiles like a man who knows he’s just saved the night.

‘Yes! Catch me up,’ he says, already walking off. ‘I’ll go tell him we’re ready.’

I watch him go, half-laughing, half-sighing.

Honestly, I can never quite work out if he’s a dream or a nightmare.

I love that Brody runs off like an excitable child – hilarious, considering where he’s headed.

‘Well, you heard the man, let’s follow him,’ Neil says, rallying the troops.

As everyone else heads off, Kelsey takes hold of my arm, holding me back just a little so we can chat.

‘Okay,’ Kelsey says, her smile stretching from ear to ear. ‘You’ve got a great one there, with Brody.’

I feel myself smiling before I can stop it. I know, I know, he’s not really mine, but it’s nice to pretend that this is my life.

‘I know,’ I say, trying to play it cool. The interesting thing about my smile is that it’s genuine though. It’s not a part of the act.

‘Come on, you two, keep up,’ Al calls back to us.

He seems genuinely excited – I really hope for his sake that he can actually fit in wherever it is we’re going. I know the ship has its own morgue, police, things like that – but I’d be surprised if it had a fire brigade with the kit to cut a bodybuilder out of an enclosed slide.

‘I knew it, you know,’ Kelsey says, linking her arm with mine. ‘You and Brody, being the perfect couple, ending up together.’

‘No, you didn’t.’ I laugh. ‘You’re just saying that because he’s got you a ball pool.’

‘It’s true,’ she insists, shaking my arm. ‘I knew the moment I saw you at Al and Kira’s wedding. When you came down for breakfast in his clothes.’

I feel my smile widening again.

‘You came down in his clothes – smiling just like you are now. Glowing, actually,’ she tells me. ‘And not just the morning-after kind of glow either. The kind where you realise you’re head over heels for someone and you don’t know what you’re supposed to do about it.’

‘Is that so?’ I say. ‘You’re psychic now, eh?’

She ignores me.

‘He is amazing though, right?’ she says, like she’s trying to coerce a confession out of me. Surely I have the right to remain silent?

‘Yeah. He kind of is,’ I admit.

‘Told you,’ she says.

Well, when he’s not infuriating me, that is.

‘And I’m not pretending I have psychic powers or anything,’ she adds.

‘But there’s a reason we’re not seeing each other much this trip, I’m leaving you two alone for a reason, so you can spend time together, enjoy that first flush of romance.

It’s just so obvious you’ve been into each other since day one. ’

She really does seem pleased with herself and it’s so cute.

‘Oh, you don’t have to do that,’ I insist. ‘We love you guys, we want to spend time with you.’

‘We’ve got plenty of time to all hang out together later.

I’m just so happy. Because it’s you and it’s Brody – my childhood best friend and Neil’s childhood best friend.

With Todd it just wasn’t the same, none of it was.

I know, I never really said anything before, and I never would have if you’d stayed together, but with Todd…

I don’t know. You just always seemed like you were trying so hard.

Like you were convincing yourself that it was okay to settle. ’

‘Really?’ I reply.

‘Oh my God, yes,’ she says, relieved to have finally got it off her chest. ‘There were nights where I would lie awake, worrying. Wondering if you were settling. And I hated the idea of you doing that because you deserve to be with someone exciting, someone who adores you – someone like Brody.’

Okay, so Brody and I may not be an actual couple, but the rest of it is eye-opening. I had no idea she felt that way and suddenly I feel like I’ve had a really lucky escape.

‘Hey, don’t be upset,’ she says, clocking the look on my face.

‘I don’t worry any more. Not since you’ve been with Brody.

He’s such a sweetie. I know the press give him a hard time, and say all of this bad stuff about him but, honestly, I think they’re just trying to make cricket exciting.

But you know the real him, you know he’s not like that.

Yeah, he’s had some trouble settling down but that’s just because he hasn’t found the right girl.

But look at him with you, he’s so different.

I’m just so happy you’ve both found what you were looking for, and that it’s each other, and that I maybe get to take some credit… maybe.’

She laughs.

I don’t know whether to smile or cry, because I want to believe it.

I want to take every word she just said and run with it.

But why would I delude myself like that, telling myself it’s real when I know for a fact that it’s fake because we planned it that way?

This was only ever an act, I need to keep reminding myself that.

And maybe I’ll come clean to Kelsey, once her wedding is over, or maybe we will just have our fake break-up.

I’ll have a think and see which one will make her the least sad.

My bloody brain won’t shut up now, it’s running away from me. I need to rein it in.

But are we kind of perfect for each other though?

Do we complement each other? Kelsey seems to think so but Brody doesn’t even fancy me, does he?

No, surely not. I think he’s just doing a really good job of pretending, for the act, for me…

And he doesn’t have to do this, does he?

He seems pretty okay about stuff, happy to move on, and yet he’s still faking it with me.

Is he faking it? Am I? I’m not even sure what’s real or pretend any more.

So much of what Kelsey’s saying is built on gut feelings and the things she’s noticed, and most of those things have been carefully staged by me to tell the story I wanted people to believe so… can she even be right about this? I have no clue.

Well, we’re here, so all of that needs to go back in the box for now.