Page 28 of Going Overboard

Another morning. Another ungodly early start in the gym.

Although, if I’m being honest with you, I don’t hate it, not like I used to. It’s amazing how quickly your body adapts to a new routine – mine genuinely believes I’m an early riser now.

Granted, I might feel differently about it if I were actually working out, but coming here to spectate is actually kind of fun.

Brody is currently on one of the treadmills, running like he’s being chased by something terrifying. He’s all hot and sweaty but I’d be worried if he wasn’t, the way he’s pounding the conveyor belt below him – if that’s what you even call it.

In contrast, I’m lying on a yoga mat, with a couple of the pillows propped underneath my head. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t sleep all that well, which is a real shame because it feels like a waste of a night in the bed.

You know I’m not usually one to shower Brody with praise but, credit where it’s due, he does work really bloody hard in the gym. It’s exhausting to watch. Even I need a shower afterwards – I don’t mean that as dodgy as it sounds, I promise .

He starts to slow down, transitioning to a walk, then stopping altogether.

He wipes the sweat from his brow with the back of his forearm as he walks over to me.

‘Come on then,’ he says, plonking himself down on the mat next to me. ‘What’s on your mind?’

‘Nothing,’ I say, shrugging my shoulders as much as I can when I’m flat on my back.

‘Except I know you better than you think,’ he says. ‘Part of my job is to get in the head of my opponent.’

‘I’m your opponent, eh?’ I ask with a smile.

‘Or my teammates,’ he adds. ‘You learn to read people. I can see your brain going at 100 miles an hour – you overtook me on the treadmill.’

I laugh.

‘Come on, what’s up?’ he says. ‘You can talk to me.’

Should I tell him? Should I ask him?

Screw it.

‘Do you want Nikki back?’ I ask, cutting to the chase.

Okay, I definitely have his attention now. I don’t think he was expecting me to say that. He turns his head toward me, one eyebrow raised.

‘What?’ he replies.

‘You heard me,’ I say. ‘And that wasn’t an answer.’

He shifts slightly, propping himself up on one elbow, his chiselled body like a work of art and it’s bloody distracting.

‘Why are you asking?’ he replies.

That’s not an answer either.

‘I saw her holding your hand last night, when the two of you were talking,’ I say, trying to keep my tone all easy-breezy, even if it’s more nosey-wosey and jealousy-wealousy .

‘Ahh,’ he says simply. ‘While you were outside having your secret intense chat with Todd?’

I smile slightly. Perhaps this is on his mind too.

He lies back again, folding his hands behind his head, almost like he’s sunbathing.

‘She did take me by the hand,’ he says – although I know that, and he knows that I know. ‘She started talking about this holiday we were meant to go on next month. She said she was sad we weren’t going any more and asked if we could still go “as friends”…’

‘And what did you say?’ I ask – do I even have any right to ask that? I don’t suppose he has to tell me.

‘Well, I didn’t say I fancied it, let’s put it that way,’ he replies. ‘I don’t know if she misses what we had and genuinely wants me back, or if she’s just seeing me with you and getting jealous.’

‘Either way, it sounds like you could get her back, if you wanted to… do you want to?’

Again, I shouldn’t ask, but I really want to know.

‘No,’ he says – it’s one word, but he couldn’t be clearer.

‘We ended for a reason. It might have been her who pulled the trigger but she did that because she could tell I wasn’t serious about us, and I didn’t fight her on it.

Looking back, I think I might have had one foot out of the door – so to speak – and she probably picked up on that. ’

‘I see,’ is all I can think of to say.

Brody glances sideways at me, only with his eyes, only for a second.

‘Do you think Todd wants you back?’ he asks.

‘Maybe,’ I reply. ‘I’m not sure. Same kind of deal really. I think he sees me with someone like you and thinks he’s let something valuable go.’

‘Well, he does love to steal my girlfriends,’ Brody jokes .

‘Yeah, there is that,’ I reply.

‘Are you entertaining the idea?’ he asks.

Now he’s the one cutting to the chase.

‘No!’ I say quickly – perhaps a little too quickly.

‘Really?’ he replies.

‘Really, I mean, look at me, I’m flying through the stages of grief,’ I half-joke.

Brody nods thoughtfully.

‘Do you want him back though?’ he says, giving me one last chance to convince him.

‘I don’t want to get him back, I want to get him back,’ I reply. ‘I want revenge. That’s why we’re doing all of this, right? Why we’re faking it, sleeping in the bath – why I’m in a gym in the a.m. If they’re thinking they’ve made a mistake then, good, it’s working.’

‘I guess,’ he replies. ‘And you know I’m happy to help with that. But at some point we’re just going to have to accept it, right? And move on for real.’

‘Yeah, absolutely,’ I reply. ‘And I will let it go…’

Just not yet.