Page 32 of Going Overboard

Life is full of surprises – Lord knows I’ve had my share of them this month – but in a twist that absolutely no one saw coming: I’m a gym girl.

I know, I’ve said that before, but it’s really true now.

I’m not just here to fake it for everyone else, or just to hang out with Brody, I’m actually working out.

I don’t know why I’ve always shied away from exercise – it’s probably a little light PTSD thanks to an especially vile PE teacher – but today I decided to give it a go, not because Brody told me to, just because seeing how great it made him feel made me curious.

Honestly? It’s been great. I feel like I’ve had a proper workout. No fake stretching that’s actually napping, no using the exercise bike as a chair or messing around on the yoga ball.

‘Who are you and what have you done with Jessa?’ Brody asks, watching me bouncing up and down on an elliptical machine – it’s sort of like stepping crossed with running, both things I usually shy away from, but this is fun.

‘She’s in here, behind the sweaty mess,’ I reply, huffing and puffing .

‘You’re not sweaty, you’re glowing,’ he corrects me.

‘That’s an incredibly generous interpretation of the truth, so thank you,’ I say. ‘I can’t believe I’m saying it either but… I think I’m enjoying myself.’

‘What?’ he says with a theatrical gasp.

‘I’m just as shocked as you are,’ I say, hopping off the machine, my legs a little wobbly.

He’s sitting at one of the weight machines – the one where you pull a bar down behind your head (no idea what it’s called, this is my first workout, after all) and it’s captivating, the way his muscles ripple through his arms and across his back.

I feel like I can see each one individually – it’s almost like his muscles have muscles.

He catches me staring at him and smiles.

‘I want to try that thing,’ I say, trying to make out like I was admiring the machine, not the muscular man sitting at it.

‘Really?’ he replies. ‘Because I kind of miss watching you pretend to stretch.’

‘Really,’ I reply. ‘In fact, I want to try to lift the weight you’re lifting.’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ he tells me.

‘Why not?’

‘Because it probably weighs as much as you,’ he replies.

‘Okay, wow, are you saying I’m too heavy?’ I tease. ‘Way to mansplain.’

‘My looking out for you is not mansplaining,’ he insists.

‘Woooow, and now you’re mansplaining mansplaining to me,’ I clap back, trying not to smile. ‘It just gets worse.’

Brody laughs.

‘Okay then, princess, be my guest,’ he says, making way for me to probably embarrass myself .

I straddle the seat and take the bar in my hands. It doesn’t budge an inch.

‘Okay, unlock it or whatever,’ I tell him. ‘I’m ready to try.’

I notice him purse his lips, trying to stifle a chuckle.

‘What?’ I ask.

‘It doesn’t need unlocking,’ he tells me. ‘It’s ready when you are.’

‘Honestly?’ I check.

He nods.

‘Oh, okay, then yeah, you’re right, this isn’t a good idea,’ I admit. ‘And you must be freakishly strong.’

‘I try,’ he says through a grin. ‘We’ll start you small, build you up if you want. You could be Al-sized before you know it.’

‘Oh, no, thank you,’ I reply. ‘I can’t be trusted to wield that level of strength. I have too many old scores to settle.’

Brody chuckles.

‘You laugh, but I’m in awe of you, having the physical ability to throw Todd overboard, but resisting the urge to do it. That’s impressive,’ I tell him.

‘Well, maybe if you get jacked, it will be a deterrent for the next guy who thinks about messing with you. Do you think anyone messes with Al in the first place?’ he points out. ‘We all know he’s a big friendly giant, but everyone else thinks he’s terrifying.’

‘That’s a great point,’ I reply. ‘Would I scare you?’

‘You already scare me,’ he tells me. ‘Because I’ve seen your psychological and emotional warfare strategies.’

I hop off the machine to do a playful little curtsey. Oof, my arse muscles hurt – I wasn’t under the impression I had any in there.

‘You’ve been a great sport, you know,’ he says. ‘Considering I only told people you came to the gym with me to wind you up. ’

‘Yeah, and yet when I said you came to the spa with me, somehow, you’ve still yet to visit it with me,’ I point out. ‘People might start to get suspicious…’

‘Okay, fine, come on, let’s go to the spa, you’ve earned it,’ he says. ‘We’ve got some time to kill.’

‘Honestly?’ I reply.

‘Yeah, why not?’ he says.

I could never get Todd to go to a spa with me, but I don’t want to ruin my own day by saying his name a second before I have to.

‘You told people I love it,’ he reminds me. ‘So I’d better go and I’d better love it. I don’t want people thinking I’m a bad boyfriend, that’s not going to look good on my CV.’

‘Then let’s get washed up and go,’ I reply.

‘You know…’ Brody starts, as we finally wander towards the spa. ‘It’s going to be weird when we go back to our real lives.’

‘It really is,’ I reply. ‘I feel like I was just getting used to the fact I didn’t have a boyfriend any more, being alone, and then you turn up and – I know, we’re faking it – but for all intents and purposes, it’s like being with someone, being with you.

We share a bedroom, we spend all of our time together, we share our problems… ’

‘That’s an excellent point,’ he says with a laugh. ‘I’d question whether it was healthy but… we’re in too deep now.’

‘I guess we are,’ I reply. ‘But know that, as far as boyfriends go, real or fake, you’ve set the bar pretty high.’

Brody smiles.

‘You too,’ he tells me. ‘You’ll be a tough act to follow.’

‘It’s going to be a shock to the system, isn’t it?’ I say, my smile falling from my face. ‘Going back to being on my own.’

‘Yeah, I get that,’ he replies. ‘But even when it feels like we’re alone, we’re not. We’ve got great friends.’

‘You’ve got a whole team of friends,’ I point out.

‘I’ve got Kelsey, who is getting married, and Kira, who just got married.

They’re moving into the next phase of life, and I’m happy for them, but…

I don’t know, I guess I just feel like I’m standing on the train platform, waving them off, being left on my own. ’

He doesn’t say anything right away. Instead, as we turn the corner, he gently wraps his arm around my shoulders.

‘They’re not leaving you behind,’ he reassures me. ‘It’s great that you’re happy for them. But it won’t be long before Neil is abandoning Kelsey for golf and Al’s busy with bodybuilding and meal prep. Your friends are going to be begging you to rescue them from their new phase.’

I smile and lean slightly into him.

‘Yeah, I guess you’re right,’ I reply. ‘I guess it’s just hard not to look on the dark side of life at the moment.’

‘Well, if you ever get desperate, my team could always use a new mascot,’ he jokes, instantly lifting my mood.

‘I’m probably not that desperate,’ I reply with a laugh.

‘Probably?’ he replies. ‘So, you are considering it…’

‘I’d never rule it out,’ I joke.

I love the way Brody takes the heaviness away from me, making me feel lighter. His big strong arms have multiple uses, it turns out.

The spa appears like a mirage at the end of what felt like an endless hallway. Double frosted doors with the creative name ‘The Spa’ plastered across them, the frame of the door edged with flowers, greeting the most beautiful floral arch. I feel more relaxed just looking at it.

Inside, the first things you notice are the dreamy scents being diffused into the room, and the sound of trickling water – which usually I find peaceful, but on a cruise it’s sort of disconcerting.

The staff are on it, getting us into white fluffy robes and plying us with glasses of cucumber water and before either of us can think of a reason to say no, we’re on our way to a treatment room for a couple’s facial.

‘I’ve never had a couple’s facial,’ I whisper to Brody.

‘I’ve never had a facial,’ he replies.

We’re led into a private treatment room and I don’t know if it feels more or less awkward for us not being a real couple.

There are two massage beds, soft towels, and two therapists in matching linen uniforms who greet us with unnervingly zen smiles. So serene they almost seem dead behind the eyes.

I lie back and exhale as my therapist starts working her magic on my face. It’s so relaxing until I hear a strange noise, coming from Brody. A snort – no, a snigger.

‘Try to keep still,’ his therapist tells him.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ he replies.

The room is only silent for a second or two before he starts giggling again and, honestly, it’s contagious. Hearing his adorable chuckle sets me off smiling too.

I’m able to glance sideways at him, and he’s trying to tough it out, bless him, but his whole body is shaking as he tries to contain his laughter. The therapist gives him a gentle, disapproving shhh, which only makes things worse.

And then I lose it too. Well, that’s how it goes, isn’t it? If one person starts laughing when you know you shouldn’t, it’s impossible not to join in.

It’s almost a relief when it’s over, and our patient therapists leave us to have a moment of quiet – I do wonder if they said that sarcastically.

‘That’s supposed to be relaxing?’ Brody says as he catches his breath.

‘It usually is,’ I reply. ‘When there isn’t a hyena in the room…’

‘I’m so sorry,’ he says sincerely. ‘I tried to hold it in but, I don’t know, she started flicking water at my face and I just kept thinking about how funny it must look…’

‘It’s fine,’ I tell him. ‘I don’t remember the last time I laughed so much.’

‘They do say laughter is the best medicine,’ he points out. ‘Maybe it’s good for skin too?’

‘You’d better hope so, because I don’t think they’ll let us back in here,’ I reply.

We decide to leave, before we’re kicked out, but do you know what? I feel like I’ve been here for hours. I feel relaxed, I feel happy – in a way that no spa treatment can achieve.

I can’t help but laugh, as we walk back towards our cabin.

‘What?’ Brody asks. ‘You’re not still laughing at me laughing?’

‘No, no,’ I say, the corners of my mouth twitching upward. ‘Okay, maybe, just a bit, but it was hilarious.’

‘Tell people we came, but not what happened,’ he says firmly, but jokily.

‘Listen, there’s not a doubt in my mind that you’re officially the best boyfriend I’ve had this year,’ I tell him.

‘Well, given the competition, I won’t get too excited,’ he replies. ‘But thanks.’

I love his smile – it’s as contagious as his laugh.

‘How is it possible that we’ve never met?’ I ask him.

‘The phrase is: where have you been all my life?’ he jokes. ‘We have met though.’

‘What do you mean?’ I ask.

‘You and I, we’ve met, before all of this,’ he tells me.

‘At a wedding or a party or something?’

‘You really don’t remember, do you?’ he replies with grin. ‘You were sitting at a table, alone, in a beer garden in Headingly. You were being harassed by… I think it was a Mario Brother. I told him?— ’

‘You told him you were my boyfriend,’ I interrupt him. ‘Oh my gosh, that was you. You swooped in, saved the day, then disappeared.’

‘I did pop back, to see if you were okay, but I could see you had a man sitting with you, and you looked happy so… yeah.’

I’m gobsmacked. And suddenly it makes so much sense, why Mario was fawning over him, it wasn’t because he was dressed as someone famous, it’s because he was someone famous – Brody Ryan, the bad boy of cricket, a Headingly celebrity.

‘You’re a regular hero, aren’t you?’ I say.

‘I promise you, I don’t go around making a habit of it,’ he insists. ‘I’ve only done it the two times you know about. Only with you.’

‘Well, thanks, for both times,’ I tell him. ‘I’ve only ever needed someone to pretend to be my boyfriend twice – I’m glad it was you.’

Convincing people I went to the spa won’t be an issue, I can feel the happiness beaming out of me like sunshine. Convincing myself that it’s not because of Brody is a different matter…