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Veronica

Abe Froman

W hen we get back to the condo after a day on the slopes, I’m glad I’m not on cooking duty and we’re doing pizza. It’s been a long day and I’m beat.

“Alright girls, time to relax. Hopefully Chap doesn’t take too long picking up pizza.” Collin calls out as he opens a bottle of red wine, three glasses lined up on the table.

As we change and unwind after a long day of skiing, Collin starts a fire and we take our wine to the coffee table in front of the fireplace. I’m taken back to the times here with our grandparents, watching Grandpa teach Collin to start the fire while I would make molasses cookies in the kitchen with Grandma.

Mom and dad were both always so busy with work, either traveling or working crazy long hours. Even before their divorce after we graduated college, on the rare occasions when our parents happened to actually be around, things weren’t always great, especially for Collin. When he finally came out as bi, all dad could say was, “ Great, you like girls too, so you don’t have to date guys .”

I cringe at the memory and how it gutted Collin. That’s partly why he stayed down in Cincinnati after college. Or at least I think so. I totally get why he doesn’t mind missing Christmas back home in Ohio.

My relationship with mom was always strained and still is. The constant questions about why don’t I settle down with a nice man and start a family. The more she pushed, the more I’d think that maybe dad and her settled with each other, never actually being in love .

Sometimes I think that’s why Collin and I have both struggled so much romantically over the years.

Shit. There’s a lot to unpack here and vacation isn’t the time or place to do it. There’s a fire and I have a glass of wine to enjoy. Back to reality, V.

As I melt into the couch, I can feel the stress of the last few weeks at work drift away and I’m ready for the weeks here ahead. Nothing gets me out of my own head like being here with Collin, and now Lizzy.

I think about the days ahead on the slopes, and stare off into the fireplace from the couch, watching the flames dance and crackle. It’s soothing, the way it brings back memories from the past, flooding my body and my soul with much needed warmth.

My wine induced, fireside daydreaming is interrupted when I hear the mudroom door open.

“Sup bro!” Collin’s voice welcomes Tanner into the condo.

I drape myself over the back of the couch, looking back into the dining area to see Tanner and Collin starting to sit down at the dining room table, setting out the pizza.

“Hey there, Ronni. Been a while.” His voice is deeper than I remember, a slight bit raspy too, but relaxed as always.

Ugh. Ronni . That old nickname. No one has called me that in ages. In fact I think the last person to call me that was Tanner. He’s right though. It has been a while, years actually. He’s still Tanner, the boy I’ve known most of my life. He’s sitting next to Collin, but his eyes are locked on me. Something about the way his eyes linger on me causes my pulse to quicken and my cheeks to grow warm.

On the surface he looks the same. Obviously tall and well built. But up close it’s even clearer how broad he is, muscles straining his long sleeve t-shirt. His shaggy golden brown hair is tousled and sticking out from all sides of his black flat bill hat, his signature après ski look unchanged after all these years. His eyes are still a striking shade of green, his tanned skin drawn tight over his high cheekbones, the same scruffy but short beard trying to hide the sharp line of his square jaw and finished off with a thick mustache.

Looking down, the tattoos on his hands are still there, the once crisp black edges dulled from years of working with his hands and countless days in the sun. I can still make out the letters on his knuckles saying FULL SEND. Whenever we’d come out to visit after high school, it seemed like I could always spot a new tattoo on him. I still remember when he got his first one the summer after we graduated high school. It’s a jagged little line on the inside of his wrist, the stylized silhouette of the Teton mountains celebrating skiing Corbett’s earlier that year.

All of it is so familiar, but he does look different . The corners of his eyes with faint crinkles, his shaggy hair and scruffy beard with stray grays. Maybe older? More mature? Definitely not a boy anymore. Either way, it’s nice to see a familiar, welcome face.

I pry myself off the couch, my legs still barking at me after the day on the slopes, and walk towards the dining area.

“It has been a while. Glad to finally have a chance to catch up, Tanner .” I linger on his name, Tanner. No one calls him Tanner except his grandparents, everyone else calling him Chapman or simply Chap. See, I can play along too, Tanner.

“Ah. Glad to see you remember my name, Ronni . I didn’t forget yours either.” A sly grin grows across his face as he locks his eyes on mine longer than I’m used to, the crinkles around his eyes deepening. It feels like he’s staring deep inside me, searching for something. I can feel myself shift awkwardly, my thighs clenching, my mind wondering what he’s looking for. It’s like I’m exposed and laid bare to him. Huh. Well that’s… new.

I try to regain my composure, remembering what I was doing before he walked in.

“So Lizzy, this is Tanner, Collin’s bestie.” I flick my eyebrows at Tanner, teasing him before watching as Lizzy eyes Tanner. She clearly noticed where my attention was just lingering.

“Nice to meet you, Tanner.” She looks at Tanner, eyeing him with mild curiosity. Maybe she really is taking a break from boys for now.

“So what’d you bring us tonight, Tanner?” I ask, eyeing the boxes of pizza on the table.

“Oh just the classics from Big Red’s.” He shrugs his broad shoulders in one of his trademark, calm indifferent gestures.

“Tell me you got the Flyin’ Hawaiian. Spicy and pineapple? Count me in as always.” Collin’s eyes are wide as he opens the first box, now seated at the dining room table with Lizzy, passing out plates.

“Yep. I know you’d never let me forget.” Tanner eyes me with a smirk and tilts his chin up as he slides a box of pizza towards me at the other end of the table. “And for you, Ronni.”

I cock my head, giving him a curious look before opening the box. I grin wildly at its contents. A sausage pizza, with fresh chopped basil and extra balsamic drizzle spread across the top, one of Big Red’s signature pizzas.

“You remembered my Abe Froman, with the extra balsamic drizzle? I can’t believe you remembered!” I look to Tanner, a grin of appreciation still on my face. I can feel the slightest bit of heat and color hit my cheeks. I don’t know why, but it feels good that he remembered something about me like this. One of those times where the thought really does count.

And if I’m not mistaken, I think I might have caught a throat bob and hint of blush in him too. A rare brief glimpse past his armor. Whatever it was, it was short lived as he turned his attention back to Collin, talking about the day on the slopes.

Collin and Lizzy open another bottle of wine while Tanner grabs his own beer from the fridge.

We’re all hungry and clearly thirsty. It’s been a long day. Tanner is sitting quietly at the end of the table, his green eyes seemingly catching my gaze whenever I happen to look his way.

“So Lizzy, my boy Chap here is the knife maker,” Collin says proudly between bites. “We’ll be seeing him around the next couple weeks.”

“Alright, Chap ,” she says before rolling her eyes and looking at me. “There goes our girls trip, V.”

A snort of laughter escapes my mouth and I put down my wine.

“Don’t worry, Lizzy,” I say, looking back at Collin and Tanner, “Tanner here means we’ll be seeing less of Collin I’m sure. He’s always been his damn shadow.”

After grabbing another slice of pizza, I notice Tanner’s been awfully quiet for a change. “So Tanner, it looks like you’re still up to your usual shit, and dragging Collin along with you.”

“Huh?” He says, looking momentarily confused while Collin snorts a laugh.

“Looks like she caught you dude.” Collin says between bites of pizza.

“Oh come on. That was pretty slick over on Alta Zero after lunch.” I think I caught him off guard. For just a moment, there’s the slightest hint of blush in his cheeks above his scruff.

“Oh, that backflip. Yeah…” He shrugs. “Didn’t think anyone was watching besides Collin, honestly. The line looked good when we first took Sublette up. So I checked with my Patrol buddies at the top to make sure it was ok to duck the rope and hit it. The landing was so clean. It felt great to just send it. Totally worth it. Were you ladies on the chair or something?” He says this as if it was just a regular occurrence, the same expression and demeanor you’d expect of someone who was giving you the time of day. So matter of fact. So calm.

Can he be serious? Oh that backflip ? Didn’t think anyone was looking as you hit one of the hardest lines on the mountain? One that requires permission from ski patrol to even try it, right under the chairlift for everyone to see? And you don’t just hit it, but throw a backflip in for fun?

The memories of Collin and Tanner’s shenanigans come flooding back. I just can’t with him sometimes. He acts like it’s no big deal at all, like it’s skiing the bunny hill at the base of the mountain or something.

This is what I’ve never understood with him. It’s not that he’s outwardly cocky or arrogant. No. Sure he can be loud, rowdy, and fun. But his confidence shows through in how calm and steady he is. How he can treat death defying acts as just part of everyday life, completely unfazed by them. It almost feels like an act to anyone who hasn’t seen him like this before. How can he think something so crazy is just… normal ? I’d kill to just have one tenth of his confidence.

Clearly, Lizzy isn’t buying it though. Oh boy, I can see her eyebrow arching.

“So then why hit a line and drop a flip in it like that Chap, if you don’t even care about putting on a show for an audience? You’re not just trying to impress some cute ski bunny or your buddy Collin here?” Ah Lizzy, my snarky sidekick.

Tanner has a puzzled look on his face, his eyes dropping to the table for a moment. I wonder what he has to say about this. After a few seconds of contemplation, Tanner finally looks back up, right in my direction, emerald eyes peering through me again.

Seriously. What is with him and the eye contact today?

“Not really trying to pick someone up out on the slopes.” He lets out a small huff and continues. “But as far as hitting tough lines goes, skiing for me isn’t about what anyone else thinks. I don’t care about what someone thinks of my form or being seen at some fancy resort in some cute outfit.”

He breaks eye contact with me to glare at Lizzy briefly before returning to me.

Ouch dude. I can feel that burn from here as Lizzy sneers back at him, her eyes shooting daggers. Sorry girl, he’s not wrong. I get it. Skiing is about how it makes me feel. I don’t do it for someone else.

Tanner continues his answer, unfazed. “Sometimes it’s just about having fun and pushing yourself to grow. That’s what I love about skiing here. The mountain is in charge, the weather changing it every day, and sometimes even within the day. We’re just along for the ride, never actually in control of it. So if a line looks good and is speaking to me, I’ll take it when I can get it. Who knows when I’ll ever get the chance to hit it like that again. Sometimes you just gotta take a deep breath and send it .”

The question might have come from Lizzy. And yes, that dig was definitely meant for her. But Tanner’s gaze practically never left my eyes the entire time he answered her question. Was he really talking about skiing? It feels like he’s talking right to me.

It was a great answer. I couldn’t agree more, even if I don’t ski the same crazy lines as him all the time. The freedom and ability to let go on the mountain is something I totally understand. But hearing a serious and heartfelt answer from him is certainly jarring. Maybe he has matured.

Lizzy rolls her eyes and scoffs. “You ski bros. What does send it even mean?”

Tanner looks wounded, like his way of life has been insulted.

“I get it. Sometimes you just gotta stop overthinking it, say fuck it and let go of it all. Just do it. Send it. ” What was that? I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth like that. Tanner looks back at me, a sense of approval on his face. I don’t know if that’s because I came to his defense or agreed with him, but he seems satisfied. He leans back in his chair, arms crossed, nodding his head in agreement, eyes still locked on mine.

And that’s how the rest of the night goes. Tanner and Collin talking about past exploits. Lizzy interjecting with occasional jabs, albeit in good fun. Or at least I hope so. And maybe I’m just seeing things, but I might appreciate the extra glances and smirks from Tanner. Either way, all of it feels like home again, the condo coming to life with the laughs of those closest to me.