Page 43

Veronica

Princeton Mills

I ’ve only woken up next to Tanner at his cabin a handful of times, but it feels like something I could get used to, something that I want to be my new normal. The dim morning light is starting to peek through the thin curtains of his bedroom, the light streaming across the bed as a gentle reminder to wake up. I roll over, watching him sleep on his side, facing me. The way the light casts tiny little shadows across his muscular body is breathtaking.

His bed is cozy. It’s exactly what you’d dream a bed in a mountain cabin should be with soft flannel sheets, a red and black plaid pattern. I sink further into the bed, never wanting to leave, feeling like I could lay here next to Tanner forever.

I look over at my phone on the nightstand as I hear it buzz, ruining a perfect moment. I see Jeff’s name flash on the screen. I’m jolted to my feet when I realize it’s not a text message or app ping. It’s an incoming call. He’s calling me and it’s still only 9:00 AM back in Ohio.

“Shit shit shit.” I stand up, heading to the other side of the bedroom. I look back at Tanner still in bed, but sitting up now with a worried look across his sleepy face.

I answer the call, terrified of what might be coming my way. I can feel my pulse quickening, sweat on my forehead, the warning signs of an impending full blown panic attack all rearing their head.

“What are you doing right now, Veronica?” Jeff asks, his tone more curt than usual.

“Morning, Jeff. Just waking up. It’s still early out here,” I reply.

“I just got off the phone with Princeton Mills. Remember the last design we worked on with them for their instant coffees and teas? When we consolidated their branding and did that press release?” he asks.

“Yeah. Of course, why?” I’m not sure where he’s going with this. It has nothing to do with Earth SnaX and that’s about all I’ve been working on lately.

“It’s a fucking shit show. Somehow all the print plates for their packaging are wrong and they don’t match anything in the press release. It’s halted their production and they can’t ship anything. I need to go there and see what happened and help smooth this out,” Jeff continues, his rushed breathing audible through the phone.

A sense of dread washes over me. Princeton is our single largest and oldest client. Anything they ask for, they get, no questions asked. I see Tanner out of the corner of my eye, heading my way. I can tell he knows this isn’t good.

“So, how can I help? What do you need?” I ask, hoping for the best.

“I need you to come back, tonight or first thing tomorrow morning. I can’t lead the Earth SnaX presentation tomorrow afternoon. I’ll be at the plant to see how this got messed up for Princeton and doing damage control,” he says, flatly, as if this is a normal, reasonable request.

“What? I’m on vacation, Jeff. Why can’t they reschedule? Can we not do it over video?” I’m in disbelief. This guy never stops asking for more and more.

“Veronica. They’re already flying in from Oregon. I talked to Cindy this morning and they already boarded their last connecting flight. They get into Dayton tonight. The best I could do was get the presentation moved to later in the afternoon tomorrow. Hopefully you can get back by then. We’ll cover your flight change costs.” Flight costs? He’s calling to upend my whole vacation and that’s what he thinks I’m worried about?

“Ok, Jeff. I’ll let you know when I change my flights.” I manage to reply, feeling completely defeated.

“Good. I’ll see you in the office when I’m back on Thursday,” he replies, before promptly hanging up.

My head is spinning.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I have to get to the condo and pack. I have to call the airline and change my flight. I have to go back through the entire presentation again. I’ve been in such a blissful bubble here I haven’t even thought about it in days.

I rush to the side of the bed, putting my clothes on in a flurry, looking around for anything else I brought over.

As I’m getting dressed, I feel Tanner’s hand on my lower back.

“Ronni,” he says, his voice straining to stay calm. “Talk to me. What’s happening? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t, Tanner. I have to go pack. I have to leave,” I say, rushing to the living room to grab my overnight bag with my change of clothes.

“What do you mean you have to go? You’re just going to leave?” he asks, struggling to get his jeans on, trying not to trip over following me around as I frantically try to find my things in the cabin.

I stop for a second, looking back at him. His eyes are tortured and worried. He’s still shirtless and I desperately want to touch his chest and sink my head into him and feel his warmth. But if I do, I know I’ll never pull myself off of him to leave.

“Yes. My boss needs me there. We can’t reschedule this presentation and I’m the only one who can do it.” My heart pounding in my throat as I start to spiral, thinking about what the next twenty-four hours are going to be like.

“You’re kidding, right? That’s bullshit,” he says, his voice now unable to hide his disapproval. “They can’t just cancel your vacation and make you come back. Don’t they get that people have a life outside of work?”

“Please, I don’t have time for this right now. Can you just take me back to the condo? I need to pack, like right now.” I can barely contain my emotions. I can feel my legs shaking, my hands trembling. “Please, Tanner. I need to go back.”

I can see his body language soften. He heads to the kitchen to grab his keys before throwing a jacket on over his bare chest. Even now, drifting into a full blown nightmare, the way his body moves, his muscles work, is poetry in motion.

“Let’s go,” he barks. Rex looks at us with concern as Tanner leads me out the front door, pulling the cabin door shut behind us.

The ride to the condo is silent. I’ve spent practically every hour I could with Tanner for nearly two weeks and now he’s silent, almost unreadable. It’s hard to tell, but I think his expression drifts from what looks like concern, to anger, to near tears. His jaw is clenched and his teeth are digging into his lower lip. His knuckles are white, his hands are grasping the steering wheel so tight.

When he puts the truck in park at the condo, I reach to open my door, but am caught by his hand on my elbow. He slides his hand down my arm to hold my hand, stopping me from leaving.

“Ronni,” he practically whispers, his voice softer and more restrained. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to go back. Just stay here. We will figure it out, remember? Can we please just take a beat and talk this out?”

The pleading look in his eyes nearly shatters my heart. But I can’t do this. I have to go. My mind is a frantic mess.

“I’m sorry, Tanner. This is the real world, business doesn’t wait. There are consequences for delays. I can’t just say fuck it and abandon them, not right now. There are expectations we have to meet. Not all of us live in a fairy tale like you, just saying screw it and doing whatever we want, whenever we want.” I look down at my boots, unable to look him in the eyes, afraid that if I do, I won’t be able to leave.

“Then don’t go,” he says, his voice now jagged and harsh. “That’s a shitty way to live, constantly in fear of losing a shitty job that makes you miserable anyways. They’re counting on you to rollover and give in, to be a sucker. And they aren’t going to reward you for it either. It’s not worth it. Stop wasting your life on something that brings you down like that place does. You don’t need that, and they don’t deserve you. Just quit. Fuck them.”

“Excuse me! A shitty job? Wasting my life? What would you know about building a career, Tanner?” I can feel my fists clench as I pull my hand away from his. “I worked really fucking hard, Tanner, to make a career for myself. I’ve spent over a decade to get where I am and I’m fucking good at it. I should have known you wouldn’t get it. You never take anything seriously, you don’t even have a real job. Grow up already.”

I wince as I hear the words come out of my own mouth. Shit, that was harsh. I didn’t mean that, but it’s too late.

“You’re right. Maybe I should grow up and be more like you. Give up on the things I’ve always wanted, like you ,” he says, his hands trembling.

“I’m sorry, Tanner. I can’t do this right now,” I say, reaching to open the door again and starting to step out of the truck. “I have to go. I have to focus on my job. I have to get ready to leave.”

“Wait, Ronni! Please don’t le-.” His voice is cut off as I slam the door behind me.

Fuck. What did I just do?

I practically run away from the truck towards the door to the mudroom, afraid to look back, not wanting him to see the tears running down my face. But I have to do this. I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to make this career into what I want. I can’t just waste it now. I need to show them how serious and committed I am.

I rush into the condo, streaking past Collin and Lizzy at the dining room table having breakfast. Throwing my bag down in the bunk-room, I’m sobbing, but I don’t care. I have to pack and call the airline.

I grab my suitcase, throwing it on the bottom bunk, haphazardly throwing everything of mine I can see into it. I can feel the sweat running down my forehead as my panicked breathing fills my ears. I notice Collin and Lizzy standing in the doorway, throwing me off just a second before I continue furiously packing anything of mine I can find.

Fuck me. My heart is being torn apart by fighting factions within me. Hopeful Veronica wants to stay and fight for Tanner and a life with him. I told him he could trust me. I can’t hurt him, not with how much he’s opened up to me, how much of himself he’s given me. Practical Veronica is mad at herself for thinking this could work without having a real plan instead of just living in the moment. Career Veronica is panicking, desperate to do what she thinks is expected of her.

“Hey. What’s wrong? What happened?” Collin says, trying to stay calm but obviously concerned by the look on his face.

“Jeff. He called. He needs me at the meeting. I have to go,” I say, barely able to form sentences between sobs. I can feel my knees trembling and I try not to completely break down.

“What are you talking about, V?” Lizzy asks, resting a hand on my shoulder trying to calm me.

“He has an emergency at Princeton and has to go. Earth SnaX is already on their way from Oregon. We can’t reschedule tomorrow’s presentation. I have to go give it.” I struggle to get the words out still, my chest heaving as I stop packing for a second to look at them.

“Fuck. Are you ok? Wait, where’s Chap?” Collin asks, sensing there’s more wrong than just the mess with work.

“I don’t know,” I sob, the words almost indistinguishable. “He didn’t want me to go and we argued about it. He said my career was stupid, I was wasting my life. I got mad and I told him he needed to grow up.”

Hearing my own words out loud, I’m terrified and angry. He hurt me, insulted me, but I hurt him too I’m sure. I want to fix it and make this pain go away, but I have to leave. He’s probably angry at me.

No. Oh no. I think back to what he told me the night before about his mom, that wound he opened wide to share with me. The one I just poured salt right into. I told him he could say what’s on his mind, even when it’s bad and I just threw it back into his face. “Collin. I fucked up. I hurt him.”

I explain what Tanner told me the night before about his mom. Collin and Lizzy are dead silent for what feels like forever, Collin visibly shaken.

But what can I even do? I don’t have enough time to fix this. I have obligations back at work to take care of. This is my chance to finally make it where I want to go at Fischer, to push my career where I’ve been trying to take it for so long. To show them that I’m committed and have what it takes. I have to do this. How can he not get that?

My thoughts start to overwhelm me. My mind is spinning, my heart feels like it’s going to break or burst through my chest, whatever gives out first. I fall to my knees, leaning over the bottom bunk on my elbows, sobbing into my hands.

“Hey hey hey, lil sis,” Collin hushes. “Everything’s gonna be fine. I promise. We’ll get through this. What can I do to help?” Collin drops to the ground on his knees with me, holding me tight. I feel my breathing start to slow, his hug acting like a security blanket trying to ground me.

“I don’t know what to do,” I cry into his shoulder as Lizzy joins the group hug on the bedroom floor.

“Hey girl, we got you. You can trust us, it’s going to be ok,” she says, looking at Collin, both of them nodding. “Collin, go find Chap.” She’s calm with no sign of her snarky sassy self. It’s eerie but oddly reassuring to hear her this way, empathetic for a change. My brain can’t shake her words though, trust us . Tanner’s voice is in the back of my head, telling me I can trust him, trust Collin and Lizzy. Fuck, I miss him already.

She looks back to me. “I’ll get you packed. Go ahead and call the airline, ok?”

“Thanks guys,” I sniffle as the tears slow to a trickle.

Collin gets up and leaves the room, I assume to go find Tanner. As we hear the door close, Lizzy looks at me.

“What happened with Tanner?” Her voice is still that unfamiliar calm and compassionate tone.

“I told you, we fought. I don’t know why I was ever dumb enough to think this dream could last. I mean I was living in a fantasy, right? I knew he’d eventually be his old self, never serious,” I say, still angry at what he said before. “He said my job was shitty and not worth all of this.”

She frowns, “Is that all he said? I’ve only known him for like a week, not nearly as long as Collin and you, but I don’t think Tanner Chapman has a mean bone in that ridiculous body of his.”

I feel the corner of my mouth lift, thinking about Tanner.

“No, that’s not all he said,” I say, wiping the waning tears from my eyes. “He said they don’t deserve me and that I don’t need them in my life.”

She pauses for a moment, before putting both hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes.

“Look girl. I love working with you, seriously that place would suck without you there. But like, he’s not wrong. You hate that place and it sucks seeing you miserable. I’ve always heard you talk about being out here, like it’s some magical escape, always thinking you were just embellishing and exaggerating about how great it is.”

She stops for a moment, and I see a small glimmering tear in one of her eyes that she promptly wipes away. My own crying has stopped. Damn. Who knew Lizzy could be this comforting.

“Ugh. You’re gonna make me ruin my makeup,” She sniffles. “But after seeing you here, and seeing you with him , I can’t picture you anywhere else. And I certainly don’t want to imagine you back in Dayton at Fischer, not after knowing what a happy, excited Veronica is like.”

We both laugh, hugging each other tightly again, before I break the silence.

“I’m still mad at him,” I say, wiping my runny nose. “And I still have to leave for this fucking meeting.”

“I know, V. I know. Don’t worry about Tanner right now. Let Collin handle him. Focus on the presentation. We’ll figure out the rest,” Lizzy says, standing back up. “Now come on, we gotta get you a new flight, packed, and cleaned up. I won’t allow you to be the weird sloppy lady in first class.”