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Horny Badger

“C ome on bud, let’s go.” I watch Rex sprint from the barn towards the truck kicking snow up behind him. He wiggles around excitedly waiting for me to get there. I’m not too far behind him, carrying the box of knives I finished up the other day. I need to drop these off at the Eclectic Elk. They open at 9:00AM, which gave me just enough time after my plow run this morning to come home for breakfast, let Rex out for a round of fetch, and to grab the knives.

It’s just another typical work day for me, especially with the fresh snow coming in last night that needed to get plowed first thing this morning. I’ve still got plenty I need to get done today, but at least I’m getting an early start. And I get to hang out with Collin, Ronni, and Lizzy later tonight. Ok, so maybe it’s not such a typical day for me. Yeah, the last few days have been anything but typical. That’s for sure.

It still feels surreal. This thing between Ronni and me right now. It’s consuming every minute of my thoughts. I could barely sleep last night replaying the time we had by ourselves at the guesthouse. I’d be happy to just let myself get lost in those memories. But I do actually have to get shit done today, especially if I want to see her later.

Driving into town, I realize I’m still a bit groggy. Maybe it was staying up all night at TJ’s hot tub or maybe it was being up early for work, but I definitely need another coffee. Pulling into the drive thru at Cowgirl Coffee on my way, I’m greeted by Kelsey, who usually works the morning shift, at the window.

“Morning Chap. Working or skiing today?” she asks, smiling as always.

I lean out the window of the truck, drumming my finger tips on the door, clicking my tongue. “Work unfortunately. Busy day. But I should be back on the slopes tomorrow.”

She shrugs. “Bummer. Should be awesome out there today. So what are you having today?”

“The usual. Large hot horny badger, please.” Oh fuck me. Now I’m saying it by mistake too. I feel my face heat and go bright red as Kelsey laughs. “I mean honey badger. Large. Hot. Honey. Badger.”

“Sure thing, Chap.” She shakes her head, still grinning as she goes to make my drink.

With my coffee in hand, I finally get to town. I park off the square by one of the new buildings going in. I still can’t believe we have to keep building these here. It’s one of the subsidized housing units local businesses chipped in on together to keep workers around locally instead of an hour away in nearby towns on the other side of the mountain pass. Just another daily reminder of all my old friends and locals that had to leave.

Walking into the Eclectic Elk, the box of knives tucked into the crook of my elbow, I’m reminded of one of the reasons I do love Jackson so much. Sure, it sells a lot of stuff for tourists. But the walls are covered in so many things made by locals, people that still fight to stay here and make things that show what this place is about.

I see Giselle behind the counter, clearly amused by me staring at one of the paintings on the wall. It shows a brightly colored wolf standing on the edge of a creek. I’d love one of them, not that I have any place big enough or nice enough to hang it.

“I love that one too. Her work’s some of my favorite,” she says with a familiar friendly smile.

“Yeah. She always paints cool stuff and I love her style.” I keep looking at the painting, admiring it. “She’s the one who did that huge custom piece for Tommy Jacob’s, right?”

“Sure is. So. How’s the family doing, Chap?” She leans over the counter, elbows propping her head up on her hands framing her face.

“They’re good. Meeting my grandparents for lunch later. I’ll tell them you said hi. But on another note, I’m here to drop off these.” I take a step towards the counter, placing the box on the counter in front of her.

She opens the box, taking out one of the knives.“Seriously. I can’t believe we already sold the last round from a few days ago Tanner. I could sell every one you can make. If you went anywhere close to full time on these, you’d be going gangbusters.” She places the knife down, looking at me. “Just think about it.”

I smile back, halfheartedly. “Maybe. We’ll see. You know that’s not why I do it.”

We’ve had this conversation so many times. I love making the knives. It’s fun. It’s an escape. I don’t want to lose that part of it by turning it into a joyless business.

She laughs, shaking her head at me in a way that almost reminds me of my mom. “Fair enough. But you know I’m always going to ask.”

“I know. Anyways, I need to stop at Gloria’s before I pick up lunch for my grandparents. I’ll see you in about a week to drop off a couple more knives.” I make my way towards the door back outside, before turning back. “And tell Colt I said hi and have a Happy New Year!”

“Same Chap. See you around,” she says as I walk out.

I make another stop to drop off a knife for a customer and pick up pizza before heading over to Teton Village with Rex. It’s been a productive morning and for the first time in a while, one that just feels optimistic.

I look at the picture in the corner of my dash, the one of mom and me the day she gave me this truck. God she loved this thing. I still can’t believe she gave it to me when I graduated high school. But feeling optimistic for a change, happy about everything, all I can think about is how much I want to talk about this with her, if she was here. There’s so much I wish I could tell her.

I park in the lot outside the condo building, noticing Collin’s SUV parked next to my grandparents. It’s always felt like such a lucky, happy coincidence that our grandparents all met decades ago and then ended up living in the same building.

I walk up the stairs past the Perry’s unit, thinking about the killer day they’re hopefully having on the slopes. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing them later tonight. That’s for sure.

“Hey Grandma,” I say, walking into the condo. “You and Grandpa ready for pizza? I brought Big Reds.”

She comes over and takes the pizza from me, handing it to Grandpa before giving me a big hug. “Oh sweetie. How was your morning?” She pulls away from the hug, but not before making me lean down so she can kiss me on the cheek.

“Fine Grandma. Busy with work. Plowed, dropped off some knives at the Elk, and grabbed a coffee before getting pizza and coming over.”

Grandpa pats me on the shoulder with one of his big bear paw sized hands. “Come on, Tanner. Enough chit chat. Let’s sit down and eat. I’m starving. Nancy can talk your ear off at the table.”

The three of us sit down while Rex curls up in his usual spot on the couch in front of the fireplace. We catch up on the week over pizza. Grandma seems to have an endless list of questions about the Perry twins and what we’re all going to be up to while they’re in town. But for once, they’re a welcome topic. They’re in town and things are going well. Really well.

“I just can’t wait to see Veronica and meet her friend Lizzy. You’re going to make sure they come over for dinner one night, right?” She has an excited look on her face. I know they’re gone a lot of the time visiting the rest of the family in Salt Lake, but I am glad they’re here for days like this.

“Yes. I will make sure she comes over. But if you keep asking about Ronni, I think Collin’s feelings are going to get hurt. You know he loves his status as your favorite Perry twin,” I say with a wink.

“Oh. Collin’s not my favorite. I just tell him that because I know it makes him happy,” she says.

I laugh. “What? That’s what you’ve always said though, even when he’s not around. Why isn’t he your favorite?”

I watch as Grandma smiles and shares a knowing look with Grandpa before he sighs and grins back at her.

“Oh Tanner. Your Grandma’s favorite has always been Veronica because we know she’s your favorite.”

I inhale sharply, holding my breath. A very unwelcome, unfamiliar feeling of panic sinks in. Grandma laughs, seeing the terrified look on my face before placing her hand over mine on the table.

“Honey. We’ve always known. The way you’ve always looked at her. The way you talk about her. The way you smile when she’s around.” Somehow her words make me relax just enough to finally exhale.

“How do you know that?” I ask, still a bit terrified that they’ve apparently known for god knows how long.

“Tanner,” Grandpa starts, “you might be able to fool Collin and Veronica. You might be able to even fool yourself. But believe me, we’ve known for years.”

Well that’s unsettling. I guess I’ve been a lot worse at hiding my feelings than I thought. But that doesn’t change the fact I’ve wanted to hide my feelings from everyone.

I think back to talking with Collin on the chair the other day. I was this close to opening up to him. This close to telling him how lonely I’ve been lately and how down I’ve felt. Fuck it. Let’s give this a shot. They already can see right through me apparently.

“Alright. Well since you two know everything, maybe I’ll share something else. But you have to promise me that you will not share this with anyone. Dad, Clay, Grace and especially not Collin or Ronni’s friend Lizzy. Can you do that?”

Grandpa straightens in his chair. “We’ll make that promise. But you know the Chapman’s rule about promises.”

I close my eyes and sigh deeply. “Yes Grandpa. I know. We’re as good as our word and if we make a promise-.”

He cuts me off before I can finish.

“If we make a promise, we’ll keep it or die trying.”

“Good. Well, I think Ronni and I might be more than friends now. I don’t what we are exactly, but we’re-.” This time it’s Grandma that cuts me off.

“Sweetie. You don’t need to tell us. All we want to know is if you’re both happy?” She smiles at me the way only a grandmother could.

“I think we are. Yes, we definitely are right now. I just… don’t know where it’s going. I just know I never want it to end.” The wave of relief from saying that out loud finally, even to my grandparents, is instant. Geez. That felt good.