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W hile I’d love nothing more than to spend every minute with Ronni before she has to go back to Ohio, I can’t blame her for wanting to spend the day with her brother and Lizzy at the spa. If anyone deserves the relaxation time, it’s her. After all, Lizzy came out here to spend time with Ronni, they should have a fun day together. And taking Collin with them, now that Lizzy and him are a new dynamic duo, woof. They should be in for a fun day.

I’m also glad Lizzy has warmed up to me after the first couple days of angst when she realized I’m not into her. Definitely don’t want Ronni’s best friend on my bad side. And she’s kind of scary and fierce.

I’ll pick Ronni up later tonight at the start of my plow run. I’ve been looking forward to taking her with me on one of them for ages and it’s finally happening tonight. Sure, Collin has come along on them from time to time over the years. Despite being twins though, Collin is not Ronni. No. Definitely not.

It seems like every spare minute I’ve had lately has either been on the slopes with Ronni and the gang or alone with Ronni, our bodies unable to be separated. A nice distraction, but still a distraction. So I do need this time to get some work done.

I’ve managed to get a handful of knives made for Giselle and now I can focus on my other project that’s wrapping up. I normally don’t work with deadlines when it comes to knife making. It’s one of the things I love about making knives compared to being a property manager. I get to work at my own pace. But the property owner I’m making these for is important, and I’m on a bit of a time crunch. I’ve snuck in the time to get the blades pounded out, forged, and shaped. The edges are taking shape and ground now, and I should be able to finish them up today.

It’s not just the knives I need to work on. It’s me. I can feel myself becoming a mess, my heart being torn. I know what Ronni and I have is real, that we’ll fight for it. But I’m still terrified of the unknown, of how we’ll make everything work.

I can feel the dread creeping back in and that’s the last thing I want right now. I don’t want it to put a shadow over our last few days together on this trip of hers. She’s been so happy here, not worried about her job, just living in the moment. I’d give anything to help her feel like that forever.

But could I ask her to move here and give up her career back in Ohio? Am I crazy for even thinking that again? This is so new and fragile but we talked about it, we’re going to try and use whatever time we can to go back and forth. But still, I want more. My mind keeps going to the future, craving to know what our future will look like. I know she’s worked hard for her career, even if it makes her miserable. I know that’s a huge part of her life, her identity.

She has Collin and Lizzy back in Ohio. How could I ever ask her to be so far away from them? I know how hard it is to be away from your family, to feel isolated. If she’s taught me anything recently, it’s that I need to stop bottling things up, open up, and share my feelings. Even the bad ones. It’s easy to share the good stuff, the fun happy things. But I need to take some emotional risks for once and share the rest too.

Being in my workshop, at least I can try to distract myself a bit. I need to get these blades etched in acid to show off the Damascus pattern and get them polished. Then I can mold their handles and finally finish them up.

Gloves on, I dip the nearly finished blades in the ferric acid. Leaving them there for a bit, I look over at Rex in the corner, happily oblivious and gnawing on a bone.

“You really got it made, dude.” I look at him, shaking my head in amusement, jealous of how little he has to worry. No, how he never has to worry. Just mindlessly going through life, playing ball, eating, chewing a bone, and going on late night and early morning drives with me for work.

My peace and quiet is interrupted by my phone buzzing in my pocket. I take my gloves off and answer the call without bothering to see who it is, immediately regretting my decision when I hear that all too familiar grouchy and deep voice.

“Hey shithead. Heard you finally stopped being a little bitch.” Clay’s voice booms through the phone.

I let out a deep frustrated sigh, palming my face. Of course it’s my brother.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, who told you? And like you’re one to talk. When was the last time you had a girlfriend ?” I reply, not bothering to hide my irritation.

Clay lets out a low laugh. “Oh you know, just the Chapman family phone tree. Grandma called Grace, Grace texted Dad, and then he called me. And I’d have a girlfriend if Park City wasn’t crawling in stuck up vacationing ski bunnies. You’re lucky Ronni is cool as hell and is clearly insane enough to actually like you . But that’s not why I’m really calling.”

“I figured as much. What’s up?” I look back to my workbench, still wondering why he actually called, other than to annoy me.

“I heard you’re coming down to Park City next month with your new girlfriend. Figured we should try to hang out.” Even over the phone, I can picture the smug look on his face.

“You know, you’re kind of an intolerable asshole sometimes. But since you’re my only brother, sure. Let’s get together with Grace and Dad,” I say, tapping my foot. “Sorry I haven’t called lately. I’ve been so busy here with work and Collin and Ronni in town.

“It’s all good, dude. Anyways, I gotta get back to work. Say hi to Ronni and Collin for me.”

“Will do. Say hi to Grace and Dad for me,” I say before hanging up the phone and putting my gloves back on.

Back to the task at hand, I pull the blades from the acid and rinse them off. Damn, they look amazing. The combo of old salvaged steel and new steel are making a crazy striped pattern of light and dark layers. The K-Tip blade shape is such a cool finishing touch.

After installing the handles and giving them a final quick polish, I take a moment to admire them. They’ve been a good distraction for the past month, but also somehow kept me focused on what I want.

I want her.

I’ve always wanted her.

Looking at the knife in my hand, I think back to my conversation the other day with Giselle. I really have gotten better at making these. This one’s special. It’s by far the best I’ve done and I think it might be better than the ones I used to look at in magazines and shops, dreaming I could make one day. Maybe I should think more about prioritizing this business. Sure, it’d be a juggling act with property management and plowing and still finding time to ski. Maybe I could do it without turning it into a joyless profession. Do it without sacrificing one of my few escapes.

Yes. That’s definitely something I should think about. Not today though. Today, I’m thinking about what I have with Ronnie and the night I have planned. It’s awesome seeing her let go more and just go with the flow.

We have a real connection with each other. I can feel it. We have a relationship, out in the open. I can feel that she wants me the same way. These last two weeks, I’ve felt the darkness and depression I’ve been so used to being replaced only with the drive to keep her in my life. I’ve loved her secretly for so long.

With the knives finally finished, I can think about the night ahead, the days ahead. Ronni will be in town four more nights, leaving Friday. I’m picking her up tonight after she has dinner with Collin and Lizzy, and she’s going to spend the night with me on my pretreat and plow run. I’m glad we’ve got a few more nights to sort some things out.

I’ve gotten so used to doing these rides alone, well with Rex really, that the idea of taking her out is weirdly exciting. It’s like I get to give her a real peek into a part of my life no one else gets to see. So many nights I’ve seen a fox, a moose, even the rare stray wolf, or seen the stars in a clear night sky and wanted to share it with someone, only to be reminded that I’m alone.

Part of me always thought it was crazy that I was so head over heels for her most of my life. For someone that I had no clue whether they felt the same way about me. Now, after diving in so deep with her, I feel like I love her even more. I always knew she cared about everyone in her life and that she was passionate about skiing, cooking, and her job. And none of that has changed over these last few years since I last saw her. But being so close now and with her so much, I see just how much she opens her heart up, how much she’s willing to do for others without anything in return.

I’d gladly spend the rest of my life being there for her, letting her have someone to lean on for a change. I’m determined to do anything I can to keep her in my life forever.

She’s the one for me.

She’s always been the one.

The only one .