Page 47

Ronni

Full. Send.

T hursday morning comes and I’m back in the office. I grab a coffee from the cafeteria, again feeling like being here is some kind of cruel joke. The coffee sucks too, certainly not an iced honey badger.

As I walk through the building towards my cubicle, I remember that Lizzy isn’t here to stop and talk with. Ugh I miss her. I miss Collin too. And Tanner. I wonder what they’re doing back in Wyoming. My heart aches wishing I was there.

Lizzy is still flying home tomorrow and Collin is driving home over the weekend. And Tanner… I hope he’s ok. I’d give anything to talk to him right now but I don’t know if he would even want to hear from me. He texted me yesterday before the presentation and said we’d talk soon, but I haven’t heard from him since. I told him to trust me and I just panicked and left, so I sort of get it. But still, I miss him.

I sit at my cubicle and try to get my head focused back on work. Since the presentation went well, I have a few things I need to start working on to finalize everything we went over yesterday and send it back to Earth SnaX. Then we can get their final approval before the new packaging goes into production. Hopefully it’s not the same fiasco as Princeton Mills.

Not even ten minutes later, an unwelcome, albeit familiar nasally voice gets my attention away from my computer.

“Veronica,” Jeff says. “I heard the presentation went well yesterday.”

I spin around in my chair. I eye Jeff carefully, trying to hide the irritation, no, utter disdain I feel for him right now. He interrupted my perfect vacation, my perfect time with Tanner, and brought me crashing down and back here.

He’s about as nondescript and dry as a person can get. Mid-fifties, a little overweight, receding hairline, wearing khakis, worn brown leather shoes, and a light blue golf polo. Basically, he’s the picture you’d expect to see next to Boomer Manager if it were in a dictionary.

“Yeah, they loved it,” I say proudly. “Just working on the next steps now for them to approve these drafts and get it into final production.”

“Great,” he says curtly, setting his coffee on my desk and leaning against the cubicle wall.

“So is there anything else I can help with since I’m back from vacation early?” I ask, my irritation starting to show, wishing he would just walk away. I’m still exhausted and just want to get through the day in one piece. Can he just go already?

“Nope, not really,” he says. “Glad you’re back. That could have been a disaster. We’ll have to think twice about it the next time you want to take that much time off.”

“You know, I had that trip planned for months. We could have scheduled the presentation for when I was going to be in town so I could give it, like I originally suggested.” I bury my thoughts, not saying everything I want to out loud. Seriously Jeff, if you would have just listened to me months ago, this mess could have been avoided. It was your lack of planning that became my emergency.

“Well, glad it worked out. I need you here. We still need to be more careful next time with planning time off,” he says, grabbing his coffee.

This fucking guy. Instead of thanking me for covering for him, he’s haranguing me about my vacation and about taking time off in the future. What is his fucking deal? The. Fucking. Audacity.

“Well, if I’m so essential, maybe you should have thought about that when you turned me down for the director role for the third time.” The words come rushing out of me, catching me off guard. But I’m not even sorry. It’s true.

“You know that’s not how things work, Veronica,” he says, his tone matching my own irritation.

“Then how do they work, Jeff? I’ve been the top performer on this team for years. I’ve covered for you so many times. I’ve put together most of the work you’ve taken credit for. So yeah, tell me what I need to do. Enlighten me, please.”

I feel the flood gates open, years of angst pouring out of me. In the back of my head, I hear Tanner’s voice.

Stop wasting your life on something that brings you down… They don’t deserve you…

Fuck, why does he always have to be right? I wasn’t ready to hear those words when he said them, but after being back here, I know he was right. I don’t need this. I still don’t know exactly what I need in my life, but it’s absolutely not this .

I look at Jeff, his eyes wide, a vein throbbing in his forehead as he opens his mouth, like a fish gasping for air, to start to say something.

Nope, hold that thought, Jeff.

Fuck it. Let’s do it, Ronni.

Full. Send.

“Jeff, you know what, don’t even bother telling me what I need to do to convince you I’m worthy of being director. I quit.”

I quit.

Those two words.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more satisfied, more alive, more relieved, by saying two simple words before.

Is this what Tanner feels like all the time, just letting go and doing what he wants?

The stunned look on Jeff’s face brings an eager grin to my own. Fuck, that felt so good.

I stand up, grabbing my bag and a couple things off my desk.

“It’s been real, Jeff,” I say, as I turn around and walk towards the exit, down the long drab hallway.

I’ve walked down this hallway thousands of times over the years. I remember the starry eyed Veronica that first came here, the dreams she had, how excited she was to be here. That girl feels so foreign now, her dreams no longer my own. Walking down this hallway now, all I can think about is how I don’t want those things any more.

I want to be happy. I want time for the people I love. I want time to do the things I love.

The thought takes my mind back to something else Tanner said when we were arguing.

Maybe I should grow up and be more like you. Give up on the things I’ve always wanted, like you.

In the moment, I thought he was saying he should just give up like me . But now, thinking about all the things I want, I realize he meant give up me . Give up what he’s wanted the most in life.

No Tanner, you were right. Please don’t give up. Please keep fighting.

My heart stings at the thought of him being that hurt, feeling like he should give up hope.

Fuck. I can’t wait to never see this toxic place again.

I walk out the doors into the cool winter air with the warm sun on my face, feeling like a new me.