Page 12

Tanner

I Liked That Shirt

“R onni, it’s fine, really. I can carry Collin. He’s still got a little gas in the tank. Well I hope so anyways.”

Oh, my boy Collin. You really fucked up, again . When are you ever gonna learn? Hardly our first shit show at the Fox, I guess bud, but damn if you don’t go all out. At least this time Ronni is with me as we leave the Fox and make our way back to their condo.

“So how you feeling there, big brother ?” Ronni chimes in, smirking and giggling like a mad woman looking back at Collin while she walks side by side with Lizzy. He’s hanging on my shoulder, my arm helping support him as he stumbles back to their condo. She already knows the answer though. He feels like shit. She’s just taunting him for fun.

Well played, Ronni.

It’s so good to see her like this though, smiling, laughing, happy. Yes, happy . It’s been years since I last saw her at all and back then she was with that fucking tool. I think he managed to make her even more anxious than she usually is, constantly putting more and more on her plate. I never want her to be unhappy or alone, but I’m just glad she’s not with him now. Thinking about it now though, I can already feel a familiar tinge of jealousy well up inside me.

“I’ll… be fine, lil sis,” mumbles Collin with his head hanging down hiding his face. There’s my boy, looks like we have a pulse. “I just… need… to get…”

Oh god damnit. Seriously, again bro?

I watch while he throws up on the ground in front of us. Nope, there’s more. He throws up again, his head still down, but this time facing me. With my jacket open, it covers my shirt.

Well fuck, I actually like this shirt.

“You alright, Tanner?” Ronni asks as she comes back to us, joining me in helping hold up her brother, my dumbass best friend.

I look over at her, taking in her face. Her skin glowing under the washed out moonlight, her subtle but high cheekbones framed by her long brown hair in matching braids sticking out of her beanie, her cute little button nose a bit red from the freezing air. Her soft, full lips open as if she’s about to say more, her delicate eyebrows raised over her big gold flecked hazel eyes, which are looking back at me with a look of genuine concern.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Let’s just get him home.” My answer is short. This is definitely not how I planned the night going.

It’s a fifteen minute walk back, but with him like this now… yeah, it’s probably going to take three times as long.

I could carry him home alone and let the girls get back to the condo, but Ronni now insists on helping, unable to ever hide how much she cares about her brother.

It’s always been that way. Ronni, the voice of reason, behind the scenes keeping an eye on Collin and me when we’d be out doing god knows what.

At least tonight there’s an added bonus from us having to carry him back though. I get to spend an extra thirty minutes with Ronni tonight, even if Lizzy is chatting away with her and I’m wearing Collin’s second hand tequila shots and margaritas. Just glad he was drinking on an empty stomach. At least I can hear her voice, her laugh, and see that smile.

Walking back, our arms are wrapped under Collin’s shoulders, Ronni on his left, me on his right. I’m bearing most of his weight since he can barely walk. I can just feel her arm brushing against mine and her fingers settling on to my bicep. It might just be in my head, but it feels like she’s letting them linger there.

It sends shivers through me. I know I’m not showing it, but being this close to her again after all these years is like exposing a raw nerve. All my senses are heightened. I feel my heart racing again. Even in the cool night air, I’m sweating, but not just because I’m carrying her brother home. No. It’s that familiar feeling I get every time I’m around her. Like I’m unraveling from the inside out.

I’ve had a crush on this girl for years, but always at a distance. She would only be in town a week or so here and there, seemingly always with Collin around. The times she would occasionally come to town without him, she was either dating someone like that douchebag years ago, spending time with her grandparents, or I’d be too afraid to see her without the excuse of Collin being around. On top of that, she’s successful and has a career in Ohio now.

Why would she ever be interested in me?

I barely graduated high school. I live in Wyoming. I drive a snowplow and fix stuff at rental properties. It never felt right to try, like there was never an opening for me. I always settled for admiring her from arms length.

I think part of me even sabotaged my own attempts at dating and relationships. The idea of being with someone else while Ronni existed in the same world hurts. The times I would try to date, I found myself going towards blondes, or anyone that didn’t remind me of Ronni, knowing my heart wouldn’t be in it if I was thinking of her.

Even here at home in Wyoming, going to certain places in town would be a painful reminder that she’s not here and a glimmer of hope that maybe she’ll be back one day. Every time, I’d wonder if I still have a chance with her , this gorgeous, sweet, funny, caring but anxious girl?

Damn. Collin is moving his head around again. He better not have more in there… Ok, false alarm.

“I swear, if he throws up again,” I look at Ronni and Lizzy shaking my head, “I’m going to make him do my laundry by hand tomorrow.”

Lizzy snorts a laugh. “Sounds like a fair punishment to me.”

“I just can’t get over it,” Ronni says, laughing back at Lizzy. “It really is like our twenty-first birthday all over again.”

Something about that laugh and her smile always gets to me. I don’t know why, but she’s always made me feel so alive. Every day around her feels that way.

Alive.

Sometimes I think that’s why I do all this shit - the backflips, the cliff drops, all of it. Just to feel alive, to feel something, like I did when she was around more back then. It’s better than staying home in silence, depressed as shit, with no one to talk to.

I steal a glance at Ronni while her and Lizzy chat about the day. She’s smiling. That beautiful fucking smile has never changed. It warms my heart to see her laughing with Lizzy. My eyes peer over my shoulder behind Collin over to Ronni’s backside. Watching her walk, I see her ass is still perfectly perky as ever. It looks amazing in her yoga pants, which are also showing off her impossibly long but toned legs. Fuck she’s hot.

After taking that in for a minute, I’m back to reality, listening to Lizzy and Ronni talk about their plans for the coming year, clearly avoiding talk about the office though. I knew work always stressed her out, but Collin told me the last few years had been pretty brutal for her. I’m glad she feels relaxed here. I know I do, more so with her here.

Maybe this time is the opening I’ve been waiting for. I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to see her again, let alone when we’re both single. Maybe this is actually my last shot.

Yep. Fuck it.

I’m just along for the ride in this crazy life. It’s time to feel something again.

Take a deep breath. You got this, Chap.