Page 37

Veronica

Gloria’s

S eeing Tanner this nervous for a date is somehow adorable and sexy all at once. I can tell how long he’s dreamt of moments like this and the more they happen, the more I feel like I’m seeing parts of Tanner I never knew existed.

Were they always there and I just missed them?

Sure, the confident yet calm, brash boy, my brother’s best friend, is still there. But under all of that there’s a thoughtfulness to him, a compassionate side that I’ve never seen before. The way he remembers little details about me, the way he learns something new that I like or dislike and internalizes it, like it’s a law he needs to live by to make me happy. It’s so heartwarming, so genuine. The Tanner I always thought of as impulsive and reckless also relishes in planning surprises, going so far out of his way to find things to make me happy, wanting nothing in return, just my smile.

In the back of the Uber, I keep finding myself thinking that I want more. I want more of all of this, more time with him.

“Tanner, would you ever want to ski somewhere else? Like not Jackson Hole?” When I look at him, he’s giving me a puzzled look as his lips press together in a sheepish smile.

“Why Ronni, Jackson Hole too easy for you now? Or don’t tell me Lizzy got to you and you want to go somewhere fancy like Aspen Valley?” His confident, almost cocky tone is back.

“No, not that. I’m just thinking that it could be fun. Go somewhere new, challenge ourselves a bit. I think it’d be cool to do some exploring, together.” I hold his hand tightly as I say together . I think I’d say yes to about anything now if it meant that we’d be together. “And who knows, maybe get me out of my comfort zone a little. Go snow storm chasing in your van.”

His smile widens as his eyes study my expression before he finally answers me.

“I’d go anywhere with you, Ronni. But if you want to ski somewhere new, I’d love to go check out Alta and Snowbird in Utah. I’ve never been and I’ve heard their steeps are every bit as gnarly as here. And we could visit Grace and Clay. I know they’d love to see you.” I can see a familiar expression on his face, the one I’ve seen so many times over the years. The one of excitement he gets when he’s about to jump off a cliff or plan some crazy new challenge. “You’re right. We could even take the van down with Rex. Tailgate at the mountain for breakfast. It’d be awesome.”

A few minutes later, the Uber drops us off on a side street a few blocks away from the town square. Tanner walks us to a quaint little old house, covered in snow with white string lights sparkling along the roof line. Painted on the glass of the front door in gold outlined black letters is a name, Gloria’s .

“Can you just tell me what kind of food it is already, please?” I look at Tanner, holding my hands together, pleading.

“Nope,” he smirks, shrugging his shoulders, “still gotta trust me.”

“Fine,” I huff, crossing my arms, doing my best impersonation of Lizzy, “but if I don’t like it, no surprise for you later.”

That gets an eyebrow raise out of him, even a momentary look of panic. See, I can play your game too, Tanner.

As we step into the restaurant, the hostess greets Tanner, while she checks the reservation list. She grabs his shoulder and lets her hand linger there for what seems like a few seconds too many. Clearly, he’s been here before if it’s his favorite restaurant and it seems like she knows him.

“So what’s the occasion?” she asks, eyeing me dismissively.

As if he could sense my annoyance with her, he wraps his arm around my waist, his fingers tracing the top of my ass. He leans over to kiss me on top of my head, his other hand running the back of a finger across my cheek as his eyes hold my gaze longingly. All of it a display meant to show her that he’s mine and I love every second of it.

“Date night with my girlfriend,” he says, not bothering to look back at the hostess.

“Oh,” she says, a brief flush in her cheeks, “well, let’s get you to your table. I see the chef made a note to give you his favorite table right in the window.”

“Thank you for that,” I whisper, looking up at him as she leads us to the table.

“Any time, horny badger,” he says smirking. Fine, he can call me that any time as long as he keeps looking at me like that.

We sit down and finally I get to see the menu. And shit, it’s perfect.

All Italian, all seasonal dishes with local ingredients. Pasta courses, meat courses, salad courses, all of it sounds amazing. I’m practically drooling over the menu. I put it down for a second to look at him, a familiar smug and confident look on his face.

“I take it you like the menu,” he says, one eyebrow raised as the flickering light of the candle on the table casts dancing shadows over his tattooed knuckles. He slowly runs his callused fingertip over the rim of the water glass, making it sing. Somehow even that’s sexy with him. Is there anything he can’t do with his strong rugged hands?

“It’s perfect. I just don’t know how to pick what I want,” I say with a short laugh.

“Well, I come and hang at the bar fairly often. So I’ve tried most of the dishes. Let’s just get a bunch of the ones you want to try, share it all, and take the rest back for leftovers.”

Looking across the table, I can’t help but think how I’ve been missing out on him, on this, for so long. It’s like he’s the last piece of the puzzle I’ve been trying so hard to finish but couldn’t find, only to realize I’ve been holding it in my hand the entire time.

Our waiter comes for our order, another local that clearly knows Tanner.

“Hey Chap, how you doing? Find any killer stashes lately?” He looks at me, a hint of amusement and a small nod of approval to Tanner. I’ll take it. Better than the looks I got from the hostess.

“Been good, Bodi. Enjoying the week with my girl here,” he says, smiling wholeheartedly at me, his own words making the smile genuine. “Found some good lines in Grizzly and Alta Zero the last week or so. Dying to get into the backcountry soon though.”

Something is off with his tone, though. Two weeks ago, I would have thought nothing of it. But the more he opens up to me, I know what it is now. It’s this little bit of pain, like he’s so used to putting on a facade to the people around him. Talking so casually and confidently about big bold feats was his way to hide and bury his feelings, his depression about being alone, to make everyone think he’s fine.

I reach across the table, holding his hand in mine. I want to tell him everything will be ok, that he doesn’t have to do that anymore. I want him to know he can always open up to me.

◆◆◆

It’s a whirlwind of dish after dish. Beautiful handmade pastas, grilled and sautéed vegetable sides, locally raised beef, elk, and fresh caught trout from the Snake River. Each course coming with a new wine pairing. By the end of dinner, we’re full and I’m probably a bit on the tipsy side. I think even Tanner is, his deep laugh more relaxed and infectious than ever.

It’s a good thing we took an Uber. As much as I normally don’t like getting dressed up for a fancy night out and dealing with rides, I was right in trusting Tanner. It’s going to be worth it tonight after this dinner.

I think about how right now I have everything I want, but my thoughts start to creep back to my talk with Lizzy the other day on the chairlift. She was so confident that we’ll make this work, but how? I can’t imagine a world where I could ask him to leave this place, where he was born and raised, where he’s so at ease and has access to everything he wants, except me . But I know if I did ask, he would jump and say yes, without hesitation. It just doesn’t seem fair to ask that of him.

I see the look in his eyes change, as if he could feel my own thoughts drifting away from this moment.

“Hey,” his voice is low and direct, “do you want to get out of here? The night’s still young. We can go back to the cabin, just enjoy the time alone.”

I see the corner of his mouth attempt to raise, trying to get my mind off of my prior train of thought.

“Can we at least see the dessert menu? Maybe get one to go? If it’s as good as everything else, I’d kick myself for skipping it,” I say, making puppy dog eyes at him, resting my chin on my hands, trying to say everything is fine.

His smile is back, sensing my change in mood, and he lets out a puff of laughter.

“Sure, Ronni,” he says. “Anything you want.”

He pauses for a moment, the corner of his mouth lifting into that sly look that I’ve learned means he thinks he knows something I don’t.

“Ok. I know that look. Out with it.” I demand.

A quiet chuckle escapes his mouth. “You know, if you like this menu so much, I can get you the recipes for anything on it.”

There’s a hint of amusement in his voice, like he enjoys taking his time, teasing me to get to the point. But I’m curious. I loved everything we had tonight and my culinary curiosity is piqued by the thought of trying to make these dishes at home.

“Why would they share them with you?” I look at him, raising an eyebrow, feigning mock skepticism.

He tilts his chin towards the open kitchen. “Look closely at the back wall, above the prep counter.”

I look over to the kitchen across the restaurant. The back wall of the kitchen is floor to ceiling white subway tiles with black grout. Featured prominently above the counter is a long magnetic knife holder, with about a dozen or so knives of different styles. Chef’s knives, slicers, cleavers, santokus. Even from here though I notice that they’re all Damascus steel blades.

I look back to Tanner. He’s still smirking, a dimple on one side peeking through his light stubble. “The chef got his first one from the Eclectic Elk and asked Giselle how to get more custom ones. Ever since then, I’ve been making whatever he wants. So I’m pretty sure I could get you a recipe or two.”

I can’t help but shake my head. “You just keep surprising me.”

After dessert, which was totally worth it, I need all of my will power not to fall asleep on the ride back. I’m exhausted, but still eager to get to the cabin and enjoy every minute I can with Tanner.

◆◆◆

Back at the cabin, we let Rex out. Tanner tosses the ball for him while we stand by the door, talking about our favorite dishes from dinner and which ones I think I could make on my own. I remember when my grandparents had a dog and I forgot how soothing and calming it can be to play with them. All of this with him just feels so natural. I could definitely get used to this nightly routine.

Finally we go back inside and curl up on the couch, watching the weather report to see what the ski day tomorrow has in store. We’re meeting Collin and Lizzy for the normal morning routine, but then they’re coming back here for dinner. I was planning to cook but Tanner insists on helping. And truthfully, I’m excited. I never get to cook with anyone, much less the man of my dreams.

Watching the local news, I rest my head on Tanner’s shoulder. Although Tanner smiles every time I look up at him, something is still off. The normal intense look in his green eyes dulled ever so slightly.

“Ok,” I say, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumbs. “What’s up? You’ve been too quiet since we’ve been back here.”

I can feel his body tense as he holds his breath. Clearly, I was right. It blows my mind how I can read him so well now. It’s like ever since I realized he has such strong feelings for me, every other little thing about him clicked into place and makes sense now. He leans over, resting his head on top of mine. He sighs and his body relaxes.

“I’m worried about what’s next for us.” he starts. “This last week has been the best time of my life. I don’t want to ever lose this feeling, to lose you.”

My heart stops. I should have been prepared for this, I knew it was coming too. But it still stings to hear it, to think about it.

“Tanner,” I say, tilting his face up to look at me, “I love you. I don’t know what’s next either. But I know this is real and I know we have time. We’ve got another week before I leave. Let’s just keep enjoying this.”

“I know,” he starts, looking like he’s swallowing a lump in his throat. “I’m just so afraid of feeling like I used to. Alone.”

The knot in my stomach hurts just thinking about him feeling like that again. He’s right. We should talk about this.

“Hey,” I say, grabbing his hand. “You’re right. Let’s talk. We don’t have to figure this all out right now, tonight, but let’s start. I get five weeks of vacation a year, plus holidays. I’m already going to Aspen Valley next month with Lizzy and then I’m coming out here again in early March for a long weekend ski trip.”

My mind is momentarily back in planning mode, running through every scenario to be with him in the near future.

“You could come down to Utah when I’m there next month for a few days and then I’ll stretch out the March trip, work remote a few days, and take an extra day off. That’ll get me a week and a half out here, with you. I promise I will use all my time off to get out here and spend as much time with you as I can. I’ll work remote and stretch out holidays. I know it’s not a lot, but it’s a start until we can figure out a better long term plan. I just want you to know I’m serious about this. I know we can do anything if we work together. I’m serious Tanner, I love you. Just please, trust me.”

I can feel him exhale deeply at my last words. Trust me . I think if anything, the idea of trusting me puts him at ease, the same way trusting him puts me at ease. I can see the hard lines of his face soften. He cups my cheek, kissing me on the forehead.

“Thanks. That sounds perfect. I love you too and I do trust you,” he says, pressing our foreheads together. “I promise I’ll always fight for this. I’m just sorry it took me so long to tell you how I felt.”

“You never have to apologize, Tanner. I’m just finally glad you shot your shot and told me how you feel,” I say, leaping to my feet now that he’s finally relaxed again. “Now, as much as I like hanging with you on the couch, I’m going to get into my PJs. I’ll be right back.”

I kiss him before running back to the bedroom to change, Rex on my heels following me.

◆◆◆

Looking in the mirror, I do a little twirl, I think even I agree that it’s pretty hot. I can’t believe I packed one of these.

Here goes nothing.

“Oh Tanner,” I call from the bedroom door. “Ready for your surprise?”

He looks away from the TV towards me, his face practically going white as his jaw drops. He looks like he’s seen a ghost.

“Fuck,” he murmurs. “That’s… a surprise alright.”

I slowly saunter towards him, wearing low cut flannel pajama shorts riding just under my hip bones. But he’s not looking there. He’s looking at the hint of my breasts showing from underneath my Teal Tigers crop top. His expression changes as I get closer, his eyes filling with the most intense look of desire.

“Where did you get that? How?” His expression is still stunned, but the hunger in his eyes is intense as his teeth tug on his lower lip.

“It’s not the same one, but I’ve always liked sleeping in these shirts. I’ve had them for years and they’re so worn and soft,’ I say, climbing onto his lap and draping my arms around his neck. “But I cropped this one, just for you.”

His eyes run up and down me, savoring every bit of my body. I swear, I don’t think I could ever get tired of being looked at like this by him. So much desire, so much longing.

“You’re something, Ronni,” he says, before leaning forward to kiss me, his fingertips tracing my skin just under my breasts, as if he wants to tease himself a bit longer.

To my surprise, he brings us both down onto the couch, now spooning me. He props his head up behind mine on his hand. His other hand cupping my breast under my crop top, my hard bud pressing into his callused palm. His finger tips run slowly over the skin of my other breast. I can feel that he’s hard against my ass, but he’s not acting on it.

I almost feel let down that he’s not furiously trying to undress me and fuck me. That is until I feel his chest relax as he exhales, starting to say something behind me.

“You know, I’ve wanted everything with you, Ronni. Sleeping with you, dates with you, kissing, all of it. But with all the nights I’ve spent alone on this couch, I haven’t dreamt of anything more than spending a night out with you and falling asleep here with you in my arms.”

God damnit. Even when he’s trying to be sweet and gentle, it’s almost too much. Just when I think I can’t love him more, he does something like this, so wholesome. My heart feels like it’s going to explode.

I can feel a tear starting to form in one of my eyes before he leans forward, his lips gently leaving a kiss on the top of my head.

“I love you, Ronni,” he says soft but low. “Thank you for the surprise. It’s perfect, just like you.”