Page 60 of Endure the Pain

I nodded again because I'd lost my ability to form words.

He left and quickly came back with a handful of pamphlets. Some had information I might need if I decided to keep the baby and two were about abortion and adoption. He briefly went over each one and I was beyond overwhelmed. I barely remembered getting dressed and leaving the exam room. Dean and Asher were waiting outside the door in the hall. They followed me to the waiting room where Brody and Will were waiting. No one said a word to me as we left. Not that I had it in me to care.

It wasn’t until we were in the car driving home that Brody finally cracked. “Can I ask how it went?”

“Fine.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he pushed.

“No.”

The rest of the drive was silent.

“Maura?”

The sound of Louie’s voice pulled me out of my zoned-out state. I was pretending to watch TV on the couch, bundled in a cozy blanket. “Hmm?” I asked distractedly, then forced myself to turn and look at him. I found him standing by the bed.When did he get here?I hadn’t even heard him come in.

He tilted his head slightly. “I asked how you were feeling?”

“Oh. I’m fine,” I lied, and it even sounded like a lie. I internally cringed and turned back to the TV.

I felt Louie come up behind the couch. I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.

“Are you sure you’re alright, beautiful?”

I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t have it in me right now to fake it—mask my true feelings—because I was drained of everything. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. “I’m just tired. I think I’m going to go to bed.” Another lie.

If he could tell, he didn’t let on. He put his hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. “Okay. I’m going to jump into the shower and then I’ll join you.”

I nodded and he went into the bathroom. It wasn’t long before I heard the shower turn on and I made myself get off the couch. I was on my way to the bed when the bathroom door opened. The shower was still running, and Louie stepped out still fully dressed. He was staring down at something in his hands.

My heart took off at a galloping rate when I realized what it was. It was the pregnancy tests. I'd left them on the bathroom counter.I’m a fucking idiot.

He looked up from the tests and met my eyes. “Are you pregnant?”

I looked away, finding it really hard to speak.

My silence being his answer, he asked, “When did you find out?”

“This morning,” I forced out. “You left the shower running.”

I heard him sigh frustratedly before stalking back into the bathroom to turn off the water. I took a seat on the edge of the bed.

He returned quickly and came over to stand in front of me. He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Can you be honest with me as to how you’re feeling now? I knew something was up. You refused to look at me and you haven’t even asked where Jameson is.”

“Where’s Jamie?” I asked halfheartedly.

“We’ll talk about that later.” His jokester personality was gone and the Louie who stood before me was still and serious. I didn’t like it.

“I’m not keeping it,” I said in a low voice because I was dreading what was coming.

The muscle in his jaw twitched and his expression hardened. “Were you even going to tell us? You turned white as a sheet when I found the tests.”

“I didn’t want this to cause a rift in our relationship. It’s better that I take on this burden myself.”

“Why would you think a baby would cause a rift?”

“Because I’m nine weeks. The baby is Jamie’s.”