Page 53 of Endure the Pain
“I’m not judging you,” he quickly added. “I want to make sure you understand that not everyone is going to be accepting.”
His words angered me because I knew his worry stemmed from the insecurity he felt about his own relationship.
I took a seat on the couch and turned slightly to face him. “Have you forgotten who you are—what you raised me to be?” He waited expectantly for me to continue. “We’re mobsters…murderers.” I let out a dark chuckle. “Hell, we’re monsters. It doesn’t matter what the family thinks about whether I cheat, that you’re fucking a man, or that I’m fucking two. If anyone has an issue with it, we remind them who we are and what we can do because fear is our tool, not our shackle.”
I caught a quick twitch of surprise as I recited his rule about fear. “I used to tell you that when you were little,” he said, looking away from me.
That was true, but the rule had been recited to me every night like a broken record. I chewed on my lip, debating until I decided to take the leap and just tell him what had haunted my dreams. “I’ve been having this dream…” I started, then went on to tell him how my nightmare started with me hearing a woman scream. The more I told him, the more I noticed his back getting straighter, body going rigid, and his fists clenching. “I know it’s impossible, but I think that the woman is my mother.”
Stefan stood from the couch and walked to the center of the living room, giving his back to me. I thought I heard him release a shaky breath before turning back around with another one of his unrevealing masks. “How long have you been dreaming that?”
“Almost every night since I killed Zack and Tyson.”
“Your mother died in a car crash when you were six weeks old,” he said, reiterating what I’d been told my whole life.
I nodded. “I’m sorry if I upset you with my morbid nightmare. I just wish I knew how to make it stop.”
“I’m not upset with you,” he assured. I could have sworn I heard a hint of defensiveness in his tone.
“Did you really love her even though…were you two happy together?” My voice came out low.
Stefan didn’t answer right away, as if he needed to consider how he wanted to answer. “Our marriage was a business deal made to strengthen the relationship your grandfather had with a gun supplier in Ireland. It was before we switched to your uncle Conor’s family. They sent your mother to live here when she was sixteen. I was nineteen at the time.”
“I’m not going to touch the arranged marriage bullshit, but why did they send her so young?”
“So we could get to know each other before we married when she turned eighteen. It worked. We became friends, and then more. I won't lie and say our marriage was perfect. She knew that I preferred men, but I did what I could to uphold my vows and make her happy.”
I couldn’t imagine what my mother must have been feeling when she had been sent to live in a stranger’shome at such a young age. I supposed I could take comfort in knowing that they had cared for each other and tried to make the best of a shitty arrangement.
“Will you come back home?” he asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I had a feeling that was his own way of asking if I would forgive him.
“I have to,” I said and pulled on the hem of Louie’s shirt that I was still wearing. “I need clothes for tonight’s dinner.”
He did nothing to hide his annoyance. “Yes, our dinner with De Luca.”
CHAPTER 17
I was running a little late to tonight’s dinner.Story of my life.We were traveling in two Escalades because tonight was more than just a dinner—it was an exchange of money and drugs as well. Finn, Will, and the two goons who had been dutifully watching over our cocaine were riding in one car. Dean, Asher, Brenna, and myself were riding in the other.
Brenna was joining us tonight because Finn had brought her. When I had asked him why, he had grumbled, “If she’s my responsibility, then she has to tag along with me to take care of my other responsibilities.” He wasn’t thrilled, to say the least, but I think his irritation had more to do with his life being uprooted and having to stay at Vincent’s.
Vincent hadn’t been happy with me either. I had received a text shortly after Brenna, Finn, and Dean had arrived at his place last night, saying,A heads up would have been nice.Oops.
I felt terrible. Which was why I had sent Asher and Dean over this morning with an expensive apology-slash-bribe in the form of a Nissan GT-R that I knew Vincent had been saving up for. The next text I had received from him had said that Brenna and Finn could stay as long as they needed.
I had also sent over a credit card and cash for Brenna and Finn to use for whatever they needed. My next task regarding Brenna was to get her enrolled into another school. Online was preferred, mostly because I was worried she’d be snatched from a school. Dylan might have promised to leave her alone, but I trusted him as far as I could throw him at the moment.
“How was your first night at Vincent’s?” I asked Brenna.
“It was good. Vincent was really sweet and let me sleep in his bed while he and Finn camped out in the living room. I bet my father is rolling around in his grave.” When she spoke of Samuel, her words were angry and bitter.
“Daddies like to protect their little girls as long as they can from boys,” I said, doing my best to keep the tightness from my voice.
Brenna snorted. “The only thing he cared about was protecting my hymen so he could marry me off to a De Luca for an alliance after I turned eighteen.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I still blurted, “What?”
She stared intently out the window. Her expression had hardened. “I’m guessing you didn’t have to go to the doctor to be examined monthly to make sure you remained untouched?”