Page 26 of Endure the Pain

Yup, hearing that a second time doesn’t feel any better than the first.“Let me go.” I tried to yank my hand free, but Jamie’s hold didn’t waver.

“She doesn’t make you want her. So don’t put all the blame on her,” Jamie argued.

“Well, she made it really fucking hard to not want her today,” Louie snapped.

Jamie’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

Louie and I both grimaced.

Fuuuuck! I will never do drugs ever again!

I closed my eyes, trying to conjure up some courage. “Louie told me about the time you and he shared a woman. I told him that I like to imagine that I’m that woman and masturbate to that fantasy in the shower.” Never had I ever wished more in my life that the groundwould open up and swallow me than I did in that moment.

Jamie’s brows rose, showing his surprise. I could feel my neck, cheeks, and ears turning red. Scratch that, my whole body felt like a tomato.

“I think I’m starting to understand the ‘he completes us’ statement,” Jamie murmured. “Maura, do you just want to have a threesome with Louie because it’s your fantasy or are you wanting to be in a relationship with both of us?”

“Can you tell me why you’re being so calm about this?” I deflected.

He shook his head. “I’ll tell you after you answer the question.”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t want it to be a one-time thing.Idon’t like the idea of being a one-time thing. It would hurt me if that’s all I was to him. Just another conquest.”

“You aren’t a fucking conquest, Maura. You would never be that to me. I haven’t been with anyone since you’ve been home,” Louie argued.

“How would I know that, hmm? You won’t talk to me,” I snapped.

“Because you made your choice! You chose him. You’ve always chosen him. I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen years old. I’ve never acted on it because my best friend was head over heels for you. Not that he ever told you because for some fucking reason he felt that he didn’t deserve you. It was also clear as day how you felt about him. Then you left, leaving the two of us behind pining for a girl who hadn’t chosen either of us. Then you came back, looking even more beautiful. Just hearing your voice again, I knew that if there was ever a chance that you’d choose me, I couldn’t step aside for him. That left me no choice but to tell him how I feel about you. He already fucking knew, of course.”

“And then I chose Jamie,” I added.

Louie nodded curtly. “I wasn’t surprised. I’m trying to be happy for you two. Do right by the both of you, but it’s so fucking hard.”

Feeling extremely lightheaded, I sat back on the bed.

“You okay, baby?” Jamie asked.

I didn’t answer because I didn’t know how I felt. Instead, I lay back and stared at the ceiling. “Your turn, Jamie. Why are you being so calm? You went apeshit after I gave De Luca a lap dance. I’ve just admitted I have feelings for your best friend. If the roles were reversed, I’d kill Louie.”

“Don’t give him any ideas,” Louie grumbled. Uncontrollably, I smiled up at the ceiling.

Jamie climbed onto the bed to lie down next to me. “You both are important to me—have been since we were kids,” he said. “It affects me too when there’s a rift between you two and you both suck at hiding what you’re feeling when the other walks into the room. Which is why I’ve had a while to think about all this. I’m not mad. I wasn’t mad when I found you two kissing. Jealous, yes. We were fighting at the time and I was afraid that I wouldn’t get you back.”

“How do you feel now?” I asked.

He didn’t answer right away, and I could see him mulling over what he was going to say. “As you know, I’ve shared with Louie before. It was hot. If you’re just wanting to fulfill your fantasy, I’m all for it. But if you’re wanting more from the both of us, then I don’t know. How would that even work?”

I shrugged. “I say we take it one fuck at a time. See where it leads us.”

Both Louie and Jamie chuckled.

“What?” I asked them.

“High or drunk, you always seem pretty with it. It’s easy to forget that you’re under the influence. Then you say or do something that’s…surprising and we’re reminded,” Jamie explained.

“No holds fucking barred,” Louie cursed, shaking his head, astonished.

“You should have seen what she drunk texted Stefan the other night,” Jamie said, smiling. Louie’s brows rose, curiosity piqued.