Page 21 of Endure the Pain

Or killed Dylan when I had the chance.

The pantry door opened behind me and I froze. “I just need a moment and I’ll be right out,” I said weakly without looking to see who it was.

A hand touched my upper arm. “Maura?”

It was Stefan.

Still with my back to him, I stepped out of his reach. “Can you give me a moment?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

I shook my head in frustration. “I fucked up.” My voice broke. “I let him live and now he’s hurting her and possibly Aoife as well.” Tears filled my eyes and I sucked in a wobbly breath. “I don’t know how to fix this. I wanted to save him. I still want to save him, yet at the same time, I want to gut him. I promised myself I wouldn’t tolerate this shit. I’d do everything I could to stop it. I never thought I’d be the cause of it.” My lungs felt like they were constricting, making it hard to breathe. My tears fell rapidly as I fought to get air.

Stefan put his hands on my shoulders. “Maura, look at me,” he ordered as he spun me around.

“I’m not as strong as you,” I said raggedly, between gasps. I was fighting to keep it together and failing. “I just need a moment,” I begged, hoping he wouldn’t hold it against me.

He took in my tears with a frown, but his eyes looked torn, as if he were debating with himself. “You’re allowed to have as many moments as you need,” he finally said and pulled me close. His arms enveloped me in a tight hug. I caved, desperate for his comfort, and I buried myface in his shoulder. His hand began stroking the back of my hair. “I know you’re strong. I have no ulterior motive. Stop holding yourself back and let go.”

His words cut at my weak restraints. The tightness around my lungs let up, and I sobbed. My whole body shook as I wailed into his shoulder. Doubts, anger, and years of pent up desperation for his love came to the surface. “How can I be your heir if the decisions I make get others hurt?”

“Don’t blame yourself for the faults of others. Dylan’s actions are his own. As a leader, we have to make tough decisions. Fear of the worst hinders our ability to show compassion and know when to grant second chances. Don’t let that fear seep in.”

“What do I do about Dylan?” I asked.

Stefan’s body tensed. “There’s not much you can do.”

I stepped out of his embrace. “What?”

“What are you going to do? Kill him? Forbid him from seeing Brenna and his mother?” He arched a brow. “If you choose either of those, the family is going to want to know why. It’s no secret how women are treated. We’ve never tried to stop it. Hell, your grandfather encouraged it. Who’s to say the majority of the family won’t turn on you for taking away their right—their power. It could end with them banding together to come after us andput someone else in power, or they’ll defect, leaving us vulnerable to other crime families. Do you have a plan to handle those ramifications?”

“I can’t do nothing.”

He sighed. “I know. You need to think of a plan. Prepare for multiple outcomes. You know how to play the game and with this, you’ll need to play it better than everyone else.”

“What about Brenna? She’s just a kid.”

“Did she ask for help?”

I shook my head. “She doesn’t believe I can help her.”

“Then you need to find a way to prove that you can, but until then…”

There’s nothing we can do for her.I hated this. I wished I could just go in there and whisk her away. Then beat the shit out of Dylan. But I couldn’t force Brenna to do something she didn’t want to do. And what if I did make things worse for her?

I wiped at my face, feeling equally embarrassed and annoyed.

“I’ll tell everyone you weren’t feeling well. Make sure you eat something later,” he ordered.

I nodded, relieved I didn’t have to return to the dining room, and we both exited the pantry. Thankfully, Jeana and Noah weren’t in the kitchen, because the pantry door hadn’t been entirely closed. Jamie, however, was leaning against the wall right outside, with his arms crossed over his chest.

Stefan continued on to the dining room, leaving us alone.

Jamie pushed off the wall. His hands cupped my cheeks, making me look up at him. “I could hear you crying, and I thought I might have to kill someone.” Dropping his hands from my face, he hugged me tightly. “You know you can lean on me, right?”

“I know. I think it was best that Stefan talked to me. Things have been really tense between us and I really needed him to show me he could just be my father.”

Jamie’s hand rubbed up and down my back, soothingly. “Are you okay?”