Page 111 of Endure the Pain

I slid my fingers into his hair and pulled, making him thrust into me hard. I felt the delicious sensation of pain and I couldn’t get enough.

“Harder,” I panted. He upped his speed, his pelvis slamming against mine.

It felt good.

I didn’t want to feel good.

I wanted to feel pain.

“Harder,” I moaned.

He hiked up my leg higher and pounded into me.

I pulled him close so that he wouldn’t see the tears filling my eyes.It’s not working.

“She wants you to hurt her,” an angry voice said.

Louie and I froze and stared in the direction the voice had come from. Jamie was leaning against the bathroom door, watching, looking pissed at me.

Confused, Louie looked from his best friend to me. He reeled back when he saw that I was crying. He cupped my face. “Why would you want me to hurt you?”

I refused to answer.

“She wants you to punish her,” Jamie answered for me. “Because she feels like she deserves it.”

My body tensed.

“Maura, no,” Louie groaned. “I’m sorry for everything that I did.” His blue eyes bored into mine. “I let my fearget the best of me. If I have to grovel and beg to get you to forgive me, I will. I love you so fucking much.” He stepped back, sliding out of me, leaving me feeling hollow and numb once more. “But I can’t and won’t ever intentionally hurt you.”

He tucked himself back into his pants and got out of the shower. He snapped a towel from where it was hanging on the rack angrily before leaving the bathroom.

“If you’re going to torture one of us, torture me,” Jamie said. “I’m the one who made you think that we blamed you. Not him.”

I stepped back under the spray, giving him my back. “Get out.” I turned the heat back up on the shower.

“I’m sorry, too, you know. I regret how I handled everything and for what I said. Every minute of every fucking day I wish I could take it all back.”

I refused to turn around. I stayed under the water and let the evidence of my new tears wash away. The sound of the door closing was my only sign that he had left. Icrumpled to the shower floor and pulled my knees to my chest, sobbing silently.

In the middle of the night, while everyone was sleeping, I crept through the cabin to go sit outside on the porch. I had my burner in my hand. I flipped it open and dialed Stefan’s cell. It rang a bunch of times. I was preparing to leave a voice message.

On what might have been the last ring he answered. “Maura?” He sounded like he had been sleeping.

“Hi.” My voice was weak and fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Are you alright?”

“Not really.” I wiped at my face. “I knew killing him wouldn’t make me feel better, but it gave me purpose. Now that he’s dead…” I was rambling and he probably didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.

“Alex Roth?” he guessed.

“Jamie’s reporting back to you?”Why am I not surprised?

“He checks in,” he said, vaguely.

“How did you all find me?”

“He didn’t tell you?”