Page 74 of Dark Souls

Determination

L uka became distressingly quiet as soon as we entered the Knowlton manor. His sea-green eyes took it all in as he processed whatever thoughts and emotions each room provoked in him. This place was his very own version of a haunted house, and now he had his humanity back, it must have been like stepping back into a living nightmare. I tried to check in with him and make conversation to ease his anxiety, but when I realised he just needed to deal with this in his own way, I stopped and just made sure my presence was enough for him.

He had barely spoken or helped me pack up everything we needed, too distracted by his own memories. We moved around the house in silence. I grabbed our belongings from the bedroom and ransacked every room in the house, looking for any group photos, members of the slayer’s club or photographs of female coven members for Zoran. We were now in the library and even though Leif had already taken some spell books for himself, I was throwing all the evidence of what the Knowltons and slayers had done centuries ago into a suitcase because my parents wanted to keep it protected and file it all in the royal archives.

Closing the bulging suitcase, I sat on top of it and zipped it up before glancing over at Luka. My heart lurched, and my chest tugged painfully as I watched him standing rigidly below the sword that hung on the wall. The same sword Alatar had used to behead his father and then Luka had used to get his own revenge on the warlock. Luka seemed suspended in time, his gorgeous eyes full of so many emotions as he continued to stare up at it in silence for a few more minutes. Then he turned and walked out of the room.

I stood up and followed him, keeping a little distance to give him space, and pressed my lips together when I saw him tug the rug away from the trapdoor and lift the latch. Without even a glance in my direction, he made his way down the cold, damp steps into the darkness. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I could feel the war of emotions Luka was dealing with through our bond, and I was torn about whether I should leave him alone or follow him down there. This was unfamiliar territory for me, too. I had underestimated just how much Luka had repressed and was closed off when I first met him. He’d lived behind these very walls for years alone, yet this was the first time it felt like he was truly present and reliving all the horrifying memories it held.

I sat on the floor by the latch and waited, keeping our connection through our bond open and vulnerable so he could feel my love and reassurance while he worked through his own pain. Pain that was rife and raw. I felt all the memories of what they had done to him in those cellars come flooding back. Gritting my teeth, I thought of some new methods of how to torture Belladonna later to keep me calm.

After about half an hour, Luka still hadn’t emerged. Lighting a candle, I held it in front of me and made my way down to my mate. I found him sitting in his corner where he used to sleep until only recently, with his legs bent and arms resting on his knees. He was staring across at the empty shrine where his mother’s bones used to be. Silently, I made my way over to him and sat beside him, resting my head against his shoulder.

The sound of dripping water from somewhere in the darkness and the stench of wet dirt and decay poisoned my nostrils with every inhale. I hated this place with a passion. Every time I set foot in this entire house, but especially in these cellars, it felt like my body was set alight with bitter fury. It made me feel sick to my stomach, so I could only imagine what it was doing to Luka.

“I remember,” he finally spoke, his voice harsh and choked with emotion. I lifted my head and looked up at his handsome side profile, flickering under the candlelight, painting shadows across his face. “This was where it happened.”

I followed his gaze to the sodden ground between us and the large hole in the wall that had been his mother’s shrine. There was a faint square indent in the cement where bars used to be and I realised this had once been a cell.

“This was where I killed her.”

I swallowed. My eyes stung as I held back the tears. I had no words. Instead, I wrapped my arms around one of his biceps and lowered my head back to his shoulder.

“She begged and begged for me to do it. She was so weak. Her… her body was already giving up, and her eyes had no life left in them. I knew she was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But still… I didn’t want to kill her. I didn’t want to do it.” I felt his body tremble in my arms, and he lifted one hand to wipe his face, so I knew he was crying. I didn’t look up at him. I didn’t want him to see the tears running down my own cheeks as my heart broke for him all over again. “I begged her not to make me do it. I cried and hugged her. I felt like a child all over again as she held me and stroked my hair. She sang to me, like she used to every night before bed. When I’d finally calmed down, she lifted my face and told me I must do it. That was what she wanted. And then she made me promise her two things.”

I nodded, recalling the memory I saw between them before. “She told you to never surrender and to protect her bones until she could be reunited with your father.”

He exhaled loudly. “There is a sacred belief that Demonksi Upirs cherish above all else. When I was younger, mama used to tell it as a bedtime story, but I didn’t realise it was real until I was much older. The story originates back to the vampire Katrina and the deal she made with Veles, God of the Underworld. She promised that she would sacrifice her own soul in death and become his eternal slave in the Underworld in exchange for a child, but she asked that when her child died, he would be reunited with her eventually. Veles agreed that his own creations would live on in The Underworld after their mortal lives, but only if they had found their soulmates and obtained their souls. Two souls for the price of one. The more souls in The Underworld, the stronger Veles became.”

“That is why soulmates, who have given their souls to a demon, can only survive as long as their mates do?”

He nodded. “It is a sign of gratitude to Veles. He is the only God demons worship. He accepts both soulmates into the Underworld as his subjects, and then they may live for eternity together. However, we believe there is a traditional burial; their bones must be blessed and buried in the same place for their souls to be together in the afterlife. I never found my father’s bones. My failure meant they had been apart for all this time. Their souls have never found peace and haven’t reunited. And I can never feel peace because of it. Damned souls wander aimlessly in the underworld without purpose, feeling only loneliness and pain unless they are Veles’ chosen ones.”

I sat up straighter. “Then we will find them. Luka, you haven’t failed them. You were trapped. You were restricted and couldn’t search for them. But you kept your mother’s bones safe and as soon as we find your father’s, we can give them the burial they deserve and reunite them in the Underworld.”

He turned to look at me. I lifted my hand and wiped a dried tear away from his cheek with my thumb. “We may never find them.”

“We will.” I smiled as he stared into my eyes. My heart fluttered so violently every time he did. His natural eyes were so stunning, I couldn’t get enough of them.

“I love you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine. “Do you know that?”

“I do.” I smirked as he held my gaze, cupping my face with his huge hand and brushing his thumb up and down my jaw line lightly.

“There is something I need to talk to you about.” He suddenly seemed nervous, a look that was so rare and unsettling it caused my pulse to spike immediately.

“Okay. What is it?”

“I know we haven’t discussed it, and we probably should have before you gave us your soul and bound yourself to us for all—”

“Luka.”

He inhaled sharply. “I can’t be a father.”

I froze. My heart stuttered to a halt and then pounded rapidly. The intensity in his eyes and words made my next breath catch.

“I mean, I probably can, you know, physically. Heathen wanted me to clarify that. But what I mean is, I don’t want to be. I don’t want to have children.”

I licked my lips as I tried to gather myself after that revelation. It’s not like I wanted children anytime soon and, to be honest, I wasn’t a maternal person in the sense that I couldn’t wait to have my own, but I guess I always thought I would, eventually. There was no rush, and I didn’t want children for many, many years yet, but to suddenly be told that I may never have them… I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“Ever?” I whispered, staring back at his face. His jaw was tense, and I could see the pain in his eyes. He hated this. He thought he was failing me. Unable to be the man I deserved.

“I don’t know. Probably.” He rubbed his hand down his face. “At least that is how I feel right now. I know I don’t need to tell you that I have trust issues, love. I just can’t justify bringing a child like me into this world when I can’t trust that the world will accept them for who they are. The life I have lived, that Zoran and Hana have lived…” He shook his head. “I know I can’t see into the future and know how things will be. Whether the world will change and things will be different for my kind. But I already know if I were to have a child with you, I would love it so fucking much that I would live every day in constant fear that they would never be safe. I don’t want to give them the life I had or even an ounce of what I had to go through. And I hate that because I want nothing more than to meet a mini-version of me and you, but it would be the most selfish thing I could ever do. And I already love even the idea of that child too much to put it through that.”

I moved between his legs so I could face him and placed my hands on either side of his face. I smiled as his green eyes danced in the candle’s flames when he peered into my eyes.

“Luka. That is how I know you would be the greatest father in the world. I understand how you are feeling and, honestly, I agree with you.”

“You do?” He frowned, his eyebrows tensing.

“I do. Because right now, children are the last thing on my mind. This.” I pressed my hand to his chest, directly over his heart. “You. I don’t want to share you with anyone for a long time, Luka. That makes me selfish, I know. But we deserve time. And you need time. Time to heal and accept what an amazing, loving, honest and brave man you are. Time to see yourself as I see you. Time to have fun. To go out and start our lives, do what we want, when we want, because you are free now. You can finally start living the life you have always deserved. And one day, far, far into the future, you and I can have this talk again. No pressure. We just take life one step at a time.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“Do I need to write a list?” I smirked, shaking his neck a little in a playful gesture. “Because I will. You know how I love writing lists.”

He smiled, the pain and anxiety in his eyes slowly melting away as he pulled me closer and forced me to sit on his lap.

“Not today, not tomorrow, probably not next week, but one day, I will be the man you were destined to have. He’s in here, you are slowly bringing him back, and he wants to give you the world, Ilaria. Anything and everything you desire, he’ll move heaven and hell to make sure you have it. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

I giggled, which made his lips twist into a confused smile. “You are the only person in the whole world that I seem to be patient with. Ask any of my family. I am the least patient person alive. But…” I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in closer. “I’ve realised that when it counts, some things are worth waiting for.”

His hands weaved through my hair, and he pulled me to his lips, kissing me deeply. When we broke apart, he mumbled, “Can we get the fuck out of here now? I want to burn this place to ash.”

“Yes, please.” I smiled.

Luka carried the suitcase and bags out to the cliff and then told me to wait there. He vanished back inside for a couple of minutes and then strolled out the front door as bright raging flames appeared in the windows. As he made his way over to me, the fire of vengeance burned brightly in his own eyes. I held my hand out to him, and he turned, pulling me to his side as we both stood in silence and watched the old manor become consumed by fire, the roof caving in and the structure crumbling. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, squeezing my hand to show he was ready, and I wasted no time in transporting us home.

As we all sat around the large dining table at the castle, I couldn’t believe how much healthier Zoran looked compared to yesterday. He’d slept, fed and bathed, and it had done him the world of good. With his deep-red hair tied back out of his face, and the bandages removed, his burns weren’t so angry and raw in appearance. Luka and I sat across the table from him, with my grandpapi and mum next to him as he rifled through all the photographs we’d found in the manor. His sharp green eyes, which were a slightly darker shade than Luka’s, narrowed as he focused all his attention on a group image of some slayers.

Even though Zoran and Luka looked so alike, I was noticing the subtle differences between them, especially in the way they held themselves. Luka had always been mysterious and intimidating, but you could tell that was due to what he had been through and his lack of humanity. His life experiences had hardened him, but there was always a vulnerability and softness that was dying to break free beneath it all. Even though Luka’s bad-boy appearance made people keep their distance, he had this charisma about him that seemed to draw people in (I think Heathen had a lot to do with that), but Zoran wasn’t like that.

Zoran was an unyielding force in his own right. He was built like an ox, all strength and brute power, and his piercing eyes were a little unnerving when you stared directly at them. They seemed to cut through bullshit and lies, seeing you for who you really were. Although his attractive features were so similar to Luka’s, making him beautiful to look at, there was an edge to him that seemed to carry the weight of a storm. And now his face and body were scarred with cuts from wood and burns from hellfire, which gave him an even more menacing appearance. Even as he sat calmly, rarely speaking, his presence was like a quiet threat, projecting a darker and more shrewd energy than Luka. After briefly meeting him, Leif had summarised him pretty well in two words: a sinister heartthrob.

Yet, beneath the terrifying menace, it was obvious that this man was fiercely loyal. His devotion to his family softened the steel in his gaze, which was apparent every time he looked at Luka or Hana. And they idolised him as if he was their fortress. It was clear how much respect they had for him and how much he loved them in return. The fact he had watched how much his siblings had suffered while he was helpless and trapped made him even more explosive. I almost felt sorry for the witch that had crossed him because his relentless wrath was itching to be released. He’d already killed ten criminals my grandpapi had brought him from the green list, and still, his thirst didn’t seem quenched.

Zoran shook his head once more, grinding his angular jaw as he tossed the last group photograph back on the table.

“None of them?” Luka asked, lifting the image to take a look at it himself.

Zoran peeled his lips back over his teeth and clicked his tongue in frustration before he answered in Serbian. Luka had explained how Zoran preferred to speak in his native tongue but understood English well enough to follow conversations.

Luka glanced at me with worry in his eyes.

“Could you describe her? What did she look like?” I asked as Zoran stared at the table with his fists clenched.

He peered up at me under his tense brows before he spoke, his deep voice booming off the wall of the room. Luka replied, his own beautiful voice sounding so rapid and passionate. I hated that I couldn’t understand what they were saying and set myself a new goal to learn how to speak and understand Serbian as soon as possible. After all, I would have the best teacher.

“Could you get him some paper and a pen, please, love?” Luka turned to me and I quickly reached for my bag, pulling out my new journal, seeing that Mitchell had destroyed my last one. I slid it across the table towards Zoran, and we all watched with interest as he picked up the pen in his huge hand and sketched. He lost himself in the activity and when the image he drew started to form, none of us could take our eyes off his talent. He truly was an incredible artist, which was rather surprising.

Luka smirked and nudged my elbow. “He hasn’t lost his skills even with years of having no hands.”

“He’s an artist?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but he always loved drawing and painting. Mama used to joke that it was the only way to get him to sit still. He’s the rough-and-ready type. He prefers being outdoors and has always been a force of nature, but when you put a piece of parchment and some paints in front of him, he would turn all serene and soft.”

Zoran’s eyes lifted from the paper to glare at us from under his dark lashes, though he didn’t lift his head. “He talks wrong. Do not listen,” Zoran said slowly in broken English, which made me smirk. Luka grinned with natural ease at his brother, such a light and teasing look that I had never seen before.

“Remember what you used to sign at the bottom of all your paintings for mama?” Luka continued. “Zuzu. That was his artist name.”

Zoran lifted the end of the pen and pointed it in Luka’s direction, his own portraying fake aggression, but there was only love in his eyes. “Keep talking, Lulu. I dare.”

Luka chuckled, his shoulders shaking, and I couldn’t stop beaming as I glanced between the two brothers. Their relationship was special. You could feel it whenever they were together. And now it made so much sense why Luka had lost himself when he thought Zoran had been taken from him.

When Zoran had finished the sketch, he pushed it into the middle of the table, and we all studied it. It was from a bird's-eye view showing the coven members crowded around, performing magic outside the front of a cottage. He circled a lone figure much further back, standing by the edge of the forest. She had short black ringlets that stopped just above her shoulders, and he’d drawn her wearing what looked like a long shirt that hung around her thighs. She was also barefoot. He’d left her face blank because he said that he couldn’t see her features clearly from so far away. It really wasn’t a lot to work with and when my mum glanced at me from across the table, I could tell she was thinking the same.

“She had no shoes on?” I questioned and Zoran nodded once. That detail just seemed odd to me. “Was it usual to wear no shoes back then?”

“No,” Luka answered. “It’s strange.”

Zoran pulled the page back to him and added some scratch marks on her legs. He spoke to Luka in Serbian.

“He said she had cuts and blood on her legs and feet. Once the coven had left, he went back to look for her as the raven, and he could scent her blood on the ground. But she was nowhere in sight.”

“Perhaps she was a prisoner of the Knowltons?” I offered. “It would make sense with such basic clothing and no shoes. Maybe she escaped them during all the commotion and tried to save Zoran before she fled.”

Grandpapi blew a breath between his lips, which caused us to all turn our attention to him.

“A faceless witch with an adversity to shoes from 1825 in Serbia?” He shook his head, causing an ominous cloud to mist over Zoran’s eyes as he leaned forward in his chair to glare at Grandpapi. My nerves rose because it wasn’t very often that someone outside our immediate family dared to test his authority, but I could already tell Zoran answered to no one. “There are not many witches that are still alive from that time, but we have checked the Enchanted Council archives and there are a few. We could try to contact them, see what they know but there really isn’t any guarantee–”

“No,” Zoran interrupted. “I speak to them. Alone. I will know.”

“We can’t let you do that, Zoran.” Grandpapi met his stony stare down the table with his own stubbornness. “We understand your determination to find her and demand answers, but we cannot have you terrorising or threatening innocent witches around the world to do it. I have been there myself and trust me, it takes you to a dark place and does no good for anyone. That is why we have laws and procedures now. Let us speak to them first and—”

Zoran’s head snapped at Luka, a mask of fury taking over his features. He started shouting in Serbian as Luka held up his hands to calm him. Zoran suddenly stood up from the table so abruptly that his chair flew backwards and hit the wall. In a blur, he had disappeared.

Luka huffed, rubbing his forehead as he fell back into his chair and I placed my hand on his arm. He glanced at Grandpapi with an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry about that, Arius. Zoran has a short temper, and he doesn’t like to hear what he doesn’t like to hear, if you know what I mean.”

Grandpapi nodded and leaned forward, placing his clasped hands on the table. “I know it must be hard for him to hear, but he does need to accept the fact that we may never find her. Of course, we will try our best, but he is free now. He should focus on that and start living his life.”

Luka shook his head with a sad smile. “I am afraid you do not know my brother. He will never give up on this. He deserves answers and he deserves closure. He may not have suffered what Hana and I did, but he still suffered greatly.”

“We understand. We want to help him,” Mum offered. “But we do need to ask…” She looked hesitant as she peered between me and Luka. “We know he is your family, but there is no denying that he is a very dangerous and, rightly so, volatile man right now. We need him to understand that the world isn’t like it used to be. There are rules and laws in place to keep peace and keep innocent people safe. Will he be able to follow them?”

I squeezed Luka’s hand when I felt his whole body tense next to me. I knew how that could come across to Luka, but I also understood my family’s concern. Zoran was a wild card. Someone who lived by his own rules.

Luka clicked his neck to the side, and my heart skipped as I saw the action because I knew that was his tell when he was trying to suppress his own anger or annoyance.

“What are you really asking, Queen Ruby? You want to know if my brother is a threat to humanity?”

“In short, yes. We don’t know him like you do, Luka.”

“And what will you do to him if he is?”

I inhaled deeply, feeling my stomach tightening just like the tension in the room. “They won’t do anything to him, Luka. He is your brother,” I jumped in to defend and reassure as my mum’s purple eyes locked with mine. “Right?”

“We just want to know how best to support him,” Mum answered. “He can seek his revenge on the right person, but we must make sure he can control his urges when he is out in society. We only say this because you and Hana seem a lot more in control of your demons’ needs. You manage them well, and you have agreed to feed primarily from the green list. Zoran is yet to agree to that. He said he likes the hunt. Arius watched him rip apart five grown men in a matter of seconds and then demand five more because he wasn’t satisfied. His thirst and anger worry us. We need to know he can control himself.”

Luka shuffled in his seat but held eye contact with my mum as he said, “You won’t need to worry about him. I’ll speak to him and make sure he understands. But he may need a little grace too. He had been a very skilled hunter and fighter before that night. And his demon is a firstborn from our bloodline, which makes him harder to control. Add the fact that he has been trapped and unable to meet those urges for centuries, and it is no wonder that he acts like this. But Zoran doesn’t kill without reason. And right now, he is hyper-focused on finding this witch so that will consume him entirely.”

“Okay.” Grandpapi nodded. “Well, we trust you, Luka. And we appreciate that it will take some adjustment for Zoran, so don’t think we are judging him at all. We are not. If anything, we are just trying to protect him and make sure the world does not see him as a threat. If he slips up, we need to know about it so we can support him and deal with it privately.”

Luka nodded in understanding and I finally released the breath I was holding. “I understand. I’ll talk to him. I promise.”

“As for the witch…” Grandpapi said, leaning forward. “Leif had an interesting idea. Zoran mentioned that when he was a raven, he recently came close to tracking the witch on more than one occasion because of the pull of her magic. If any of her magic is still lingering in his bloodstream, we could take a sample and Leif thinks he can create a magic locator spell from the fragments that remain to try to find her location. We were unsure how Zoran would feel about using magic to find her, so we wanted to put it to you first. Do you think he would be open to it?”

“I can ask him. I think, at this point, he would be open to anything.”