Page 38 of Dark Souls
We Are All Mad Here
A fter a nail-biting dinner where I tried my best to keep my head down and avoid any direct questioning while the truth serum was still wearing off, I was relieved that I’d only insulted the chef’s cooking once, and admitted that I had been having hot, dirty sex with my soulmate in a haunted house when my Grandpops asked what I had been up to recently. Thankfully, after a moment of shocked silence, the entire table fell about laughing (except my dad, who looked like he was about to faint) and thought it was my dry sense of humour at play. Now I was in the clear and agreed to play the first of tonight’s family games.
“Do it, and I’ll shave your hair off in your sleep!” I shouted when my uncle subtly placed his hands on the table and gave it a devious shake. The Jenga tower jiggled as I steadied my hand and pulled out the block with a hand-written truth or dare on it. I shot a look of triumph at him as I gave him my middle finger. He was such a competitive cheat in games on family nights. I’d never met such a sore loser in my life. Except for me.
“I didn’t do anything! And you leave my hair out of it.” He fussed with his long black waves and my mum rolled her eyes as she took a sip of wine.
“Is it a truth or dare?” Grandma Maddy asked from her position next to him.
I almost snorted with laughter at the unbelievable coincidence of choosing that specific block.
“Truth: What’s the most memorable gift you’ve ever received?”
Thankfully, the truth serum was completely out of my system because I was sure a gift-wrapped human heart left by my demon stalker would not go down too well as my answer.
“Well, that’s obvious.” Mum unknowingly came to the rescue. “That mutated spider from Leif, surely.”
“I wouldn’t call that a gift.” Dad laughed. “Not after the way she screamed the bloody house down so loudly that I thought she was being murdered. And then I had to spend a good five minutes chasing that thing around the room to capture it.”
“Making you all hot, sweaty and full of adrenaline. It was the gift that kept on giving.” Mum gave Dad one of her sultry looks from across the table as he leaned back in his chair with a smirk. They locked eyes, a strange shared sexual memory flickering between them. I shuddered next to him. Disturbing.
“Yeah. That was it.” I shrugged, placing the block down as Sienna leaned forward to take her turn, concentrating hard on not being the one to knock the whole thing down.
“Where’s Grandpapi?” I asked for the second time. He missed dinner, which was unheard. His absence was always noticed, especially by me. He wasn’t the life and soul of the party or anything, but he always had this undeniable presence. A darker energy than the other members of my family, but I loved his dry sense of humour and quiet amusement at family nights. Most people would describe him as intimidating but for me, he was a comfort. He made me feel less like the black sheep in this family of extroverts and sunshine.
“He must still be in his meeting.” Grandma frowned. She was obviously upset he wasn’t there—she hadn’t stopped looking at her watch all evening.
“So, Lorcan, Leif and Grandpapi are missing the family night, yet I was the one who got a scolding for being half an hour late?” I raised my eyebrow at my mum.
“Your brothers are in another realm, trying to adjust to their new normal after the war. And your grandpapi is clearly in an important meeting with his vampire clan. If you can give me a reason as good as either of those for missing quality time with your family, go ahead. Tell me. I’d love to know how my secretive daughter spends her free time these days.”
‘Oh, you really wouldn’t, mother dearest. Just having the greatest sex of our life with our sexy red flag of a mate while also trying to solve the biggest mystery as to who the hell he is.’
I narrowed my eyes and folded my arms over my chest defiantly. Grandpapi chose that moment to enter the room, his face etched with worry, his shoulders slumped. He kissed my grandma on the lips before taking his seat in the armchair by the fire like he always did. With our Jenga game on hold, the rest of us moved over to join him in the lounge area and settled down on the sofas.
“That was a long meeting. Is everything alright?” Mum asked. They always seemed to have this sixth sense between them.
He sighed, and I didn’t miss how his blue and brown eyes darted over to me briefly. What was that?
“Not really. I was going to talk to you about this tomorrow because I didn’t want to put a damper on family night, but seeing as you asked and you’re all here, two members of the Romano clan have gone missing. I was in a meeting with their families, as well as Ren and Mitch.”
Shit, that must be serious if Ren, the vampire Elder and council representative of vampires and Mitch, my grandpapi’s head of the vampire army were involved.
“Oh, no! Who is missing?” Grandma Maddy asked as everyone sat quietly. My pulse quickened to an unhealthy speed when my grandpapi’s eyes found mine again. Did he think I knew something?
“Two soldiers from our village. They went on a night out together a few days ago and never came home.” He paused as he rubbed his jaw. “It was the same night Ilaria went to that underground event. And the location of their phones were last used was the same location Ilaria gave us for the event.”
My eyebrows tightened as I tried to understand what he was insinuating. Grandpapi handed us pictures of the men. I didn’t recognise them at all, and I definitely didn’t see them at The Pleasure Den.
“You think they’re members of The Underground ?” my mum asked, her eyes darting back to me. In fact, all eyes seemed to cast my way as I sat unnaturally still in my chair.
“I think they were, not that their families had any idea. Clearly, if they were, they hadn’t told them. But I think they’re dead now,” Grandpapi said harshly, staring at me.
“What?” I asked defensively. “You think I know something about this? Because I don’t.”
Grandpapi leaned forwards, his face expressionless but his eyes full of questions. “I’m not saying you do but you were there. Did you see anything suspicious?”
The pile of burning bodies beneath the flames. Shit. Heathen, what did you do?
“No.” I shrugged. “I didn’t see anyone killing anyone, if that’s what you are asking.”
He sat back and nodded. “This puts me, or us, in a very precarious position now. We can’t just ignore it.”
He glanced at my mum and dad and I realised what was being said without words. To maintain peace, they had ignored The Underground’s activities, but the unjust killings of two members of my grandpapi’s clan and his loyal soldiers there would force his intervention. I felt twitchy. Uncomfortable. I didn’t want them getting involved in my business. I wasn’t ready. And what would they even do if those vampires had died? Blame Luka? They’d met him and knew he worked for The Underground. He was their only connection. I’d promised him they could be trusted, and they were about to shit all over that promise if they went in swinging their dicks and accusing him of crimes he may or may not have committed.
“If they were members of The Underground , that would have been their choice, though, right?” I blurted as my grandparents and parents all narrowed their eyes at me.
“What do you mean?” my mum asked.
“They knew the rules of the club. They knew that joining a club like that and attending those events came with risk. If they died, which I am not saying they did, but let’s just say that happened, it would have been at their own risk.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t make it okay. Or something I, as the head of a clan, or your parents as rulers, can just turn a blind eye to. It needs to be investigated. These men were sons. They have brothers and sisters. They are going to want to know what happened to them. I’m going to need to talk to that man again.”
My stomach flipped. “Let me talk to him. He’s more likely to tell me if he knows anything than you.”
“Fine.”
“Okay, that means I’ll have to go to the next event.” Perfect excuse!
“Ilaria–” my dad started, but I interrupted him.
“It’s the best way to get intel! And I might even see those men there.”
“When is it? And where?” Grandpapi asked.
“I don’t know yet. But I’ll find out.”
“I don’t want you going to too many of these events ,” my dad said sternly. “Especially when people are going missing from them.”
“We have no proof that they were even members yet. Let’s not jump to conclusions,” Grandma Alina replied, ever the level-headed one.
“Right. Let’s just see what Ilaria can find out first.” My mum stood up, giving me a warm smile, which immediately made me feel guilty for not telling her about Luka. Grandma and Sienna knew, and I knew I could trust Grandma Alina and my mum to keep this a secret from the men in this family, but in all honesty, my mum was a little unpredictable. I wasn’t sure how she would handle it, knowing my mate was running The Underground . She was my mother, but she was also a queen. “Are you staying here tonight or coming back to the palace?”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.” I stood up to meet her in height, although she was still half a head taller than me. “I want to move out.”
“What?” Dad snapped, darting out of his chair. My mum’s face remained calm and unreadable, while my dad wore his every emotion all over his. “Move out where?”
“To Calli’s apartment. I’m practically there all the time anyway, and you know I enjoy my own space. I texted Calli, and she said I was more than welcome to it now that Neve was living in Heroux.”
“But you will have no protection there!” my dad argued, disbelief written all over his face.
“And what do I need protection from exactly? I can protect myself if need be.”
“Oh, really?” He snorted through his nose. “What about spiders?”
“I’ll buy a spider plant. I also think you all forget that I can transport myself out of any situation I want to. Danger comes at me and poof. I’m a cloud of smoke.”
“Except this is you, who prefers to walk into danger than poof yourself away from it. Why? Why do you want to move out? You have an entire wing to yourself at the palace, and you have an attic here at the castle. We barely see you as it is. What more do you want?”
“An apartment. Alone,” I answered with a smile when he shook his head.
“Ezra, it seems only fair. Lorcan and Leif have practically both moved out. Leif is at that coven now and Lorcan will eventually build his own pack house at Blood Moon when he and Aurelia return. If Ilaria wants to live at Calli’s flat, it’s fine with me.”
My dad huffed, grabbing my head and slamming it against his chest as he cradled it under his huge biceps, suffocating me in the process. “But she’s my little girl! Just stop growing up, please.”
“Good God.” I shuffled out from under his arms and smoothed my hair. “You’ve been saying that for twenty-one years. Learn to accept the inevitable. It might stop those grey hairs from sprouting.” I pointed at the side of his head and right on cue, he freaked out. Of course, he didn’t have a single grey hair yet. Even though he was well into his fifties, he could still pass as in his late twenties with his werewolf genes.
“You’re fine. She’s messing with you.” My mum giggled as my dad stormed over to a mirror and inspected his sandy curls thoroughly. “Are you sure Calli doesn’t mind?”
“She insisted. Practically begged for me to take it off her hands.”
“Then I guess you’ll need help packing.” Her voice showed her excitement and sadness as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
“I have loads of stuff already there. I’ll just gradually move my stuff over. Let’s not make it into a big thing.” I shrugged. “You’ll still see me just as much. I’ll still stay at the palace or here at the castle if I fancy it.”
“Okay, darling. Sounds good. Now all you need is to meet your soulmate, and you’ll be set for forever.” She chuckled as my eyes darted over to my Grandma, who chose that moment to choke on her wine.
“Do not put that out in the universe!” my dad snapped, pointing his finger at my mum. “Break my heart one piece at a time and give me a chance to recover, please.”
Everyone laughed. Grandma coughed, turning red in the face. I grabbed her glass and slung back the rest of her wine.
‘Oh, but daddy we love him. Please let us keep him,’ Rue sniggered in my mind.
‘Shut it, Rue. We are not in love with him. Not yet. No. Definitely not.’
‘Uh huh, whatever you say.’
Hunched over the bar with my head hung low over my glass, I ground my back molars together at every booming laugh or snarky comment from the gambling tables behind. The members seemed rowdier than usual tonight. Or maybe it was just my lack of patience to be here listening to their shit that was heightening my irritation because this was the last place I wanted to be. In fact, the only place I wanted to be was wherever Ilaria was. And that just pissed me off more because it meant I’d failed. Yet again.
I was supposed to stay away from her. Keep her out of my mess and spare her the heartbreak I was bound to cause her eventually. I needed to push her away until she hated everything about me and realised that I was no fucking good for her. But it wasn’t working. Even after everything that has happened between us so far, she was still sticking around. Granted, there was a hell of a lot about me she didn’t know yet. She truly believes that nothing I’ve done or who I am will ever scare her away. I want to believe her. But I’m having a hard time with it.
I want to trust her and believe she won’t betray me, that she’d still want me when she knew the full extent of my darkness. Of who I am and what I’ve done. But it’s so damn hard to accept it after centuries of betrayal, torture and judgment from the world and every fucker in it. I’m a monster. It’s what I’ve been told all my life. And when you are told something enough times, you believe it. Become it.
But Ilaria’s different. For the first time since my life turned upside down, she makes me want to be better. Do better. She even tempts me to flip that switch in my brain, the one that hasn’t budged for too many years, and turn my humanity back on just so I can be marginally more emotional for her and not so volatile all the time. If only it were that simple. But the problem is, the moment I do, I don’t know who I will be. I don’t know if I’ll survive the pain. With no humanity, I have my memories but they elicit no emotions but anger. The moment I open the floodgates to my feelings and I experience just what every kill, every bad decision, every immoral act, every painful loss of my past, really feels like, I’m not sure that I’m strong enough to come back from it. The safest option was to be this person. Because as this person, I didn’t care that I was a monster.
Except you care if Ilaria thinks you are.
“There is no fucking way you didn’t cheat, asshole! You used magic to see through my cards!”
“Sit your sore ass down, Rocco, and shut the hell up. I beat you fair and square.”
I glanced over my shoulder with a lethal glare as the warlock used his hands to scrap the money chips across the table and into his corner as the werewolf loomed over the table, knocking his chair down behind. His eyes locked with mine, and he stilled just enough to contemplate the consequences of diving over the table to choke the warlock out. I spun around on the bar stool and leaned my elbows against the bar top as I held his gaze in warning.
“Is there a problem, gentlemen?” I asked casually, but the bite in my tone made the whole room pause and take notice.
The werewolf inhaled deeply, puffing out his chest as he glanced towards the warlock and then back to me. “No. No problem.”
I nodded once and turned to face the bar again, catching the bouncer’s attention.
“Cut them off,” I mumbled into my glass. He nodded and moved over to the table, announcing that this would be their last game. I was too on edge tonight, and I didn’t trust myself not to kill someone over the smallest thing. Especially after hearing what the fuck Heathen had been up to with Ilaria these last few weeks. That all-too-familiar, agonizing heat of red-hot lava coursed through my veins once more, making my nostrils flare as if I could smell the sulphurous fumes.
The presence of a large body approached the bar and a deep voice ordered a whiskey. I closed my eyes, knowing exactly who it was. The VIP member who had openly flirted and touched Ilaria at The Pleasure Den, even though he had his little she-wolf side bit there, too. Hugo Rochefort was an Alpha of a pack in France and, after losing his fated mate at a young age, he’d become a member of The Underground to relieve his anger issues. He also seemed to enjoy the other specialties the club offered, like the female members, but that girl Sammi was his main toy. He’d always been a pretty respectful member, keeping to the rules and paying his monthly fee on time. He never caused trouble. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever even had a conversation with the wolf. But then… he thought he could have what was mine, even if he couldn’t remember doing it.
“Hugo, isn’t it?” I asked, with my head still hanging low over my glass. I felt him physically tense when he realised I was addressing him directly.
“Uh yes. And you’re The Dealer. It’s a pleasure to meet you properly.” He hesitantly held his hand towards me in a gesture of goodwill and I tilted my head to the side slowly, staring at it with disinterest.
“Is it?” My gaze drifted up to his face as he swallowed thickly. “A pleasure?”
“Well.” He chuckled uncomfortably. “I’ve been a member here for longer than I can remember, yet this is the first time I’ve had the honour to speak to you, so yeah, I see it as a pleasure.”
I lifted my glass and took a sip, staring straight ahead at the rack of bottles on the wall. “If you’ve been a member here that long, then you should know what it means when I speak to someone directly.” I glanced back at him to see him standing deathly still, but beads of sweat were forming above his bushy brows. “Nothing good.”
He licked his lips. The worry radiating off him was the perfect appetiser to the main course: fear.
“I, uh, have I done something to cause offence? Because if I have, that was not my intention. I’m a very loyal member who—”
“Loyal to who?” I interrupted as he frowned, completely confused.
“To you. To the club,” he started.
“But not to your woman?”
“Excuse me?”
“I’ve watched you. Seen you around with that she-wolf. She’s your woman, right? You pay for her membership, lavish her with gifts and designer clothes, fuck her and make her feel special. You must care for her.”
Sweat was now running down his temples. “Sammi? I… er… yeah, I guess.”
“So, tell me… how do you expect me to believe you have any loyalty to me and my club when you aren’t loyal to her?”
His eyes narrowed, anger mixing with fear at my audacity to discuss his personal life. I smirked when I saw the wolf in him, wanting to rip my throat out.
“I wasn’t aware there was a new rule that members had to be faithful to their partners at this club.”
“There isn’t.” I turned to face him, giving him the full savageness just beneath the surface of my skin as I ran my tongue down one of my fangs, nipping it in the process and spitting blood on the floor next to his polished shoes. “It was just an observation. A reminder that actions speak louder than words.”
“Right,” he said with uncertainty. He grabbed his glass from the bar and nodded to me over the rim of the glass. “I’ll take that onboard, but I had best get back to my table.”
“You have a good night.” I smiled, flashing razor-sharp fangs as he narrowed his eyes and moved rapidly away from me. Damn, I wanted him to give me a reason to kill him so fucking badly. Was it irrational and ruthless to want a man dead because he stroked my mate’s arm? Yes. Did I give a flying fuck? No.
I turned back to the bar, lowering my head once again so no one would dare bother me, and erased the profiles of the six vampires that were killed at The Pleasure Den from the club’s system. I paused on a profile when I noticed he was a member of the Romano Clan. The next was too. My eyes widened. I slammed my fist down on the bar and swore in Serbian.
This was the last thing I needed. If this man had family or friends that cared about him, hell, if he even worked for Arius at the castle, I was fucking screwed. The royals had stayed out of The Underground’ s business since they came into power. I could only presume it was because I’d done a fucking good job of making sure nothing reached them, so they didn’t feel the need to get involved, but this… this they wouldn’t overlook. Especially now they’d met me in person and allowed Ilaria to be a part of it. And if they get too close to all this and The Devil finds out they are sniffing around… there is no knowing what he’ll demand. And Ilaria’s determination to gain information from members at the club would be too fucking risky, hidden identity or not.
I deleted all evidence that they were ever members and I already knew Heathen would have dealt with the bodies and got rid of their membership cards. Hopefully, thoroughly this time. I blew out a breath as I tried to calm myself down. It was fine. There was nothing pointing towards The Underground ’s involvement. As long as those men had kept to the club’s rules and not told a soul they were members, it was all good.
I cracked my neck to the side, my bones aching and sat up straight. I checked the clock above the bar. Thank fuck. Two AM. Time to kick the fuckers out. I stood up, turning my attention to the room and folding my arms as the bouncers rang the bell to indicate it was time to pack up their shit, take their winnings and get the fuck out.
No one met my eye, a sign of respect and submission, as they strolled past me and left. No one except Hugo. His gaze shifted to the floor quickly, realising his mistake, but it was too late. It was the excuse I’d been looking for. I might not kill him for it, but I could definitely make him bleed. Once the last member had left, I locked up and walked straight round the back of the bar to the car park. A few members were still hanging around, chatting and smoking or waiting for their rides, but they quickly dispersed when they saw me coming with madness blazing in my red eyes. My vision locked on the back of Hugo’s head as he stood with two other members next to a Lexus. Before he could sense me coming, I blurred up behind him, grabbed the back of his head and smashed his face into the bonnet of the car. Spinning around in a violent rage, ready to shift into his wolf form, he swore, but I punched him so hard in the face that he was knocked out cold. I glared at the two other men, who were inching backwards with their hands raised.
“You saw nothing,” I hissed as they nodded, climbed into their cars and sped away. I crouched down over his body and waited for him to return to the land of the living. He groaned as he came around, and I leaned over his face so he knew exactly who he’d pissed off. His eyes widened, giving me the perfect target. I grabbed his throat in one hand, pinning him down as I drove my thumb into his eyeball until blood poured down his face and I felt the satisfying pop. He screamed and thrashed beneath me until I removed my thumb and his hands flew up to his mangled eye.
“In the future, be careful who you dare to look at. I’ll leave the other eye just so you can prove your loyalty.” I stood up and stepped back. He panted and sat up against his flashy car.
“You’re fucking twisted!”
“Yeah,” I said, turning my back to him as I walked towards my motorbike. “I am.”