Page 37 of Dark Souls

Truth Serum

M y mind was made up. I was all in.

After our passionate kissing turned into passionate fucking over the kitchen island, my mind felt clearer about Luka and me than it ever had before. Were we perfect? Not by a long shot. Did he still harbour dark secrets that kept him from truly letting me in? Of course. But none of that scared me like he expected it to. He still didn’t trust that I wouldn’t walk away from him when his past was revealed, which it would be because I was more determined than ever to figure this all out. But that was okay. Trust took time. And I knew I had to prove I wasn’t going anywhere.

One thing was obvious to me now. Luka was alone in this world. He had no support system. No living relatives, from what I can tell. No friends. He was a complete loner. Where I might have thought it was by choice just a few days ago, I was realising it wasn’t. He pushed people away. He’d built a wall around himself to not only protect whatever was left of the person he used to be but also to keep everyone else safe from the monster he thought he was. Or at least that’s what he thought he was doing. But I was slowly chipping away at that wall, brick by brick. And he was letting me.

There was only one problem with being all in… Heathen. I knew whatever was going on between us had to end. My stomach tied itself into knots and plummeted at the very thought. I could no longer deny I cared for the demon. Deeply. Which was madness. But he also terrified me because he really was more powerful and deadly than anyone I knew. And that was saying a lot. Add that to unpredictable and obsessed; it was not a good combination. How do I make it clear we can be nothing more than friends without heads rolling? Mine and Luka’s, to be exact. I chewed my bottom lip as I leaned back into Luka’s chest, knowing I had to come clean to him about my last run-in with Heathen soon, but I was so anxious about the consequences. We were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor. He was leaning against the island with his back, and I was nestled between his legs, wearing only his hard-worn sleeveless tee. His huge arm was wrapped around my waist, holding me to him like his most treasured possession as his other hand rotated his tumbler of vodka on his thigh.

Staring down at his veiny, tattooed forearm that was restricting my breathing just a little, I traced the raised outlines of the scars beneath all the ink. His body tensed behind me, but he didn’t ask me to stop like before.

“Why do you do it?” I asked softly, for no other reason than to just try to understand.

“Control,” he husked from behind, leaning his head back against the island. I fought the urge to peer over my shoulder to read his expression and remained still, only my fingers caressing his skin so I didn’t spook him any further into retreating emotionally. He was finally talking. “Or my lack of it.”

I licked my lips to hide the emotions that threatened to show. “So when you feel out of control, you hurt yourself,” I clarified. “Because it’s the only thing you feel you can control?”

“Pretty much.” He lifted his glass to his lips and took a sip before lowering it back to his thigh. “Without my humanity, it’s like my brain is in a constant state of numbness. Nothing affects me except rage. When something pisses me off, I lose it. Pretty fucking quickly. My thoughts constantly take me to dark places, and I know I should feel more when they do. But when I don’t care, when I feel nothing at all, it’s like I barely exist. But the moment the wooden blade pierces my skin and I see the blood, I feel relief, knowing that I am still me deep down. It’s freeing. It’s stupid and fucked up, I know. But it keeps me sane.”

Unable to help myself, I shifted against him, turning to stare up at his gorgeous face. He furrowed his dark eyebrows, drawing them down into the bridge of his nose beneath a few strands of wayward red hair. His wide jaw clicked from one side to the other as he stared down at his glass.

“It’s not stupid. It’s survival. I just wish you didn’t have to cause yourself pain to feel free. And I wish you didn’t feel you had to live a life with no humanity. I wish I knew how to help you.”

His scarlet gaze dragged up my body until it reached my eyes. My breath caught in my throat at the intensity of them. No. It was the intensity with which he looked at me. It made me both flustered under his attention and overwhelmed with pride all at the same time. Because even with no emotions, he still looked at me as if I’d painted the stars in the sky.

“You do help,” he husked, staring at me intensely. “When you’re around, I don’t feel the urge. You have this way about you, Ilaria. This power over me defies everything. You make me feel .” He lifted his hand and ran his thumb across my bottom lip roughly. Of course, my lips parted dutifully at his touch. “It’s dangerous how you make me feel . For centuries, I’ve been numb. And with you, I come alive. You are the fucking air that I breathe, Ilaria. Without you, my life is complete darkness. You’re my sick obsession, my eternal torment and my fucking cure all in one. I’m fucked up, love. I’ve tried so hard to push you away because I am so fucked up over you that I knew if we were bonded, if I believed even for a second that you could want me like this, there would be no way back for me. I don’t want to ruin your life but fuck, I’d probably try to kill us both if you ever tried to leave me now.”

I turned rapidly, straddling his hips and locking my arms around his neck as my hands delved into his hair, tugging through the strands. He groaned into my touch, closing his eyes as my heart battled to break through my skin at his confession. Was it entirely unhinged and toxic as fuck? Yeah. But maybe I was messed up too because it only made me crave him more.

“I guess I should move in then.” I smiled wickedly to show him just how much his intensity didn’t freak me out. His eyes opened with surprise before a cocky smirk played on his lips as he ran his hands up my thighs, playing with the hem of his shirt I was wearing.

‘Ha, he thinks we are joking.’ Rue chuckled.

“As if this place is fit for a princess.”

“Why do you live here, then?” I teased. He snorted and shook his head. I lifted my gaze to take in the rustic kitchen with some cupboard doors missing. “I know it belonged to The Knowlton Coven. I’ve seen the portraits in the corridor. You didn’t just kill them all to take over their empire and The Underground . You had another reason, right?”

He scoffed, dipping his head back against the counter again but still watching me with what looked an awful lot like pride swirling in those ruby eyes. It spurred me to keep going as if I was on to something.

“You don’t want power or money. You own four t-shirts for god’s sake, and I’m pretty sure you only own one pair of ripped jeans and leather trousers that you switch between daily. So I don’t even want to know about the underwear situation.”

“I don’t wear any.” He winked, flashing me one of those cocky grins. I rolled my eyes, not letting his charm deter me from rambling.

“My point is, you’re low maintenance. You have no food in the fridge. It’s like you only live on vodka and blood, and you clearly don’t take care of this place or even hire a cleaner.”

His eyes flashed with vengeful violence as I narrowed my own, trying to understand that reaction.

“Even if I had millions to spend, which I don’t, I would still let this place rot to the ground.”

“Then why live here? And you must be incredibly rich running The Underground ! That place charges more to be a monthly member than most humans earn in their day jobs.”

His jaw clenched as he stared at me with frustration. Jesus, this was impossible. How was I supposed to find anything out about him when he couldn’t express himself freely? And then I remembered my plan I’d come here to achieve before I found him so close to death. My wide pink eyes brightened as I jumped up and sped back up to the bedroom to grab my rucksack before returning. I was so fast, he’d barely moved from his position on the floor.

“What are you doing?” he asked when I started frantically rummaging through my bag for the truth serum I had Leif make for me earlier. Surely this had to work. A little noise of triumph escaped my lips when I found the little bottle and held it up in between us. He frowned, eyeing it suspiciously.

“What’s that?”

“A truth serum I had my brother make. Don’t worry, he did it with no questions asked. He’s good like that. But I thought it would help so you could talk about yourself.”

Luka’s whole body tensed before he shot up to his feet. “No.” He moved around the island to the other side, putting distance between us and ran his hand through his hair.

I glared at him, completely confused by his sudden hostility. Talk about bloody mood swings!

“No?”

“No,” he repeated firmly.

“Why not?” I charged forward, placing the potion on the kitchen counter, and he immediately stepped back as if it was a nuclear bomb. “For whatever reason, you can’t talk about yourself, so I just thought—”

“I want to take a fucking potion made by an Anderson?” he shouted, his eyes blazing and veins throbbing with rage. I felt a rush of protective anger spread like wildfire when I had to defend my brother.

“Made by my brother, yes. What’s wrong with that? I know you don’t trust anyone, but surely it means something if I trust him?”

His nostrils widened as he glared from the bottle to me. “I don’t touch magic. Especially not Anderson magic.”

What the hell was that supposed to mean? “Luka, Leif, can be trusted. I promise you.” He folded his arms across his broad chest, momentarily distracting me with the flex of his pecs before I met his stubborn glare. “Well, do you have any better ideas?”

When he turned his head away in answer, I knew he didn’t. I growled with frustration and snatched the bottle up, twisting off the lid.

“What are you doing?” he hissed, stepping forward with alarm.

“Proving that this isn’t some conspiracy to harm you,” I answered. His hand snapped out to stop me, but I’d already taken a large gulp of the serum and slammed the bottle back down. He stared at me with disbelief as I pulled myself up onto the island and crossed my legs, facing him. “See? I’m not frothing at the mouth from poison or turning into an ogre. So go ahead. Ask me a question so I can prove to you that it is what I say it is.”

His penetrating glare studied my face and when he seemed satisfied that I wasn’t about to burst into flames, he unfolded his arms and placed his hands on the surface of either side of my hips. He leaned forward, staring straight into my soul with a wicked glint in his blood-red eyes.

Ah, ball sack. I’d just given him full control over my fucking brain.

‘Good luck to him.’ Rue chuckled.

My heart sped up as he licked his lower lip, his gaze dropping to my own lips and causing a flutter of desire in my lower belly.

“Who is the best sex of your life?”

The serum set to work immediately before I even knew what I was admitting. “You. Without a doubt.”

I slammed my hand over my mouth as he threw his head back and roared with laughter. My fist flew at his chest. “Alright, big head. I am sure that has inflated your ego tenfold. You are such a dick.”

“Best dick you’ve ever had, though, right?” He smirked.

I wanted to punch the cocky smile off his face. Instead, I answered without thinking.

“Yes.” Bloody hell. I was no longer in control of my mouth, which caused me to press my lips together to avoid the next words leaving my lips, but that serum wasn’t having any of it. “I love how your cock feels inside me and the way you fuck. Especially with those piercings. You’re the first pierced dick I’ve ever had, and I don’t think I could ever enjoy a normal dick again.”

An aggressive growl rocketed through the air as he grabbed my throat and a whimper of need fired from my parted lips in response.

“Let’s rephrase that, shall we? You will never enjoy another dick again, because the only dick you will ever have in your tight little cunt is mine.”

‘Oh, my godddddddd. That mouth.’

His eyes flashed with dangerous desire as he squeezed my throat a little tighter, causing me to smirk in response.

“You like that, love? You like my hand wrapped around your throat, knowing I’d rather kill you and then myself than ever let another man have what’s mine?”

“Yes,” I strained against his grip. “I fucking love it. And I love it when you choke me during sex. I love the adrenaline and fear of feeling completely at your mercy, knowing you could easily kill me, but you won’t.” Woah, where did that come from?

“Fuck,” he groaned. He stuck his tongue out and lapped it over mine in an open-mouthed kiss that was so fucking hot. I was ready to say the hell to this truth bollocks and just fuck me again already. “You’re so fucking perfect for me. My filthy little mate.”

He released my throat and placed his hands back on the counter. I hissed with frustration at him edging me like that and pouted with a sharp glare which made him chuckle evilly. The delicious sound only caused more torture for my needy pussy. “There’s my brat. Desperate for my cock. But I’m not missing this opportunity to get more brutally honest intel from you.”

“You are such an asshole,” I grumbled, leaning back on my hands to keep away from him because I did not trust myself around this man.

“True.” He smiled, flashing those vicious white fangs. As I watched him think about his next question, his smile vanished, replaced by a serious expression. “If you truly saw just how dark I can be, would you run?”

The vulnerability in his eyes made me reach forward and stroke my fingers down the side of his face. “No. I told you. I’m in this. I want to know you. Every part of you and that includes your darkest parts. Don’t hide any part of yourself from me. I can handle it.”

The surprise on his face nearly ripped a hole in my heart. Knowing there was no way I could lie, he was accepting it. Even though I had meant for that potion to be for him, I was starting to realise this wasn’t a bad idea. He needed to learn to trust what I said was true.

“I don’t want to hide anything from you,” he mumbled, stepping back to lean against the counter behind him. “And now you are dreaming of my past. I guess you’ll see it all. But trusting anyone with my secrets is hard, Ilaria. It hasn’t worked well for me in the past.”

“I know.”

“And I’ve done things,” he continued, lifting his gaze to look at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and then inhaled sharply. “I’ve done terrible things. Unspeakable things. You’ll hate me when you find out.”

“I won’t.” I shook my head. “I know you’ve been through hell. Every time I look into your eyes, I see it. You have no humanity, Luka. Damn, if I turned my humanity off and gave full control to my vampire side, I’d do unspeakable things, too.”

He shook his head. “That’s not—” his words got lodged in his throat and he clenched his fists in frustration. He eyed the potion bottle next to me and I reached for it slowly, offering it to him.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he reached forward to take it. I quickly lifted it to my lips and held a mouthful of the sweet syrup before grabbing the back of his neck and crashing my lips against his. He groaned when I transferred the potion into his mouth through our kiss. Was it an excuse to kiss him? Hell yes.

I pulled back as he gulped it down and stared into my eyes. I smiled.

“It might not work,” he husked against my lips.

“But at least you tried.”

He straightened his spine and nodded at me to ask him a question.

I chewed at my lip. God, how did I choose where to even begin? Why isn’t he free? Who has power over him? What is his connection to Heathen? What did the Knowltons do to him? Why did he turn his humanity off?

“I don’t know where to start,” I said honestly, the potion still working for me too. “Are you and Heathen both controlled by The Devil? Who is The Devil? What’s his or her real name?”

Luka opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Lines appeared on his forehead as he scowled deeply and slammed his fist down on the table. He grabbed the potion bottle and downed the whole thing, discarding it to the side and causing the glass to smash on the floor.

“Ask me another,” he demanded, his voice gravelly and on edge. My whole body tensed in response and my stomach dropped. It wasn’t working.

“How do you know Heathen? He said you used to be friends. What happened?”

“We—” he started and then roared when once more he couldn’t get his sentence out. The veins in his neck were pulsating and his fangs had elongated with his rage. I grabbed his trembling shoulders and forced him to focus on me.

“It’s fine. It didn’t work, but we will find another way. I won’t give up.”

My words didn’t seem to help, though. He brushed past me and started pacing the room. Agitation and anger were rippling off him so furiously that I jumped off the island and stood back to give him space to calm himself down.

His head snapped up at me as he continued his long strides. “What’s the fucking point, Ilaria? If you haven’t figured it out by now, you never will. This is all a waste of your time and energy. You are risking your life for this, and you should just forget I exist.”

“Hey!” I snapped back, pissed that he was taking his frustration out on me. He was doing it again; reverting to his go-to survival tactics of pushing me away. But this time, I could recognise it for what it was. He felt out of control. “Shut the fuck up with that shit, Red. I may not know much yet, but I will figure out how to free you and Heathen. Even if it kills me!”

He growled at that. “And then what? Say you figure it out? What are you going to do about it, Ilaria? You are one fucking person. No one else will help me when they know who I am. You’re going to get yourself killed for nothing.”

“I’m offended by just how much you underestimate me, Luka.” I folded my arms over my chest with sass.

“Oh yeah? What about Heathen then?” he snapped, towering over me. I narrowed my eyes as I matched his glare.

“What about Heathen?”

“You know what he is. You know the history of his kind. What do you think will happen when others hear of him? If you free him, what then? Do you think the supernatural community will accept him with open arms? Don’t be na?ve, Ilaria.”

I shoved his chest. “I don’t know.” Damn, I wish I could tell a little white lie right now and make myself sound more convincing. “But I won’t let anyone hurt him.”

Luka scoffed, his eyes burning like an inferno of chaos.

“You can’t protect him. He’s a psychotic, unpredictable killing machine, Ilaria!”

“You think I don’t know that?! He’s been stalking me for weeks, ripping out hearts and leaving one as a gift in my bedroom. Killing any man he sees touching me, spying on my family to learn more about me, serving me coffee as a barista just to watch me squirm, making me feel things… want things from him with his sexy mind tricks and giving me insane orgasms with that fucking forked tongue! I know he’s a freak, but I don’t care.” I yelped, slamming my hands over my mouth when I realised what I’d just admitted.

Luka froze, his eyes wide and his lips curling over his fangs. Oh shit. Ohshitohshitohshit!

“What?” he hissed.

“And I kissed him!” I mumbled against my hand, cursing myself internally as the potion released the floodgates of honesty.

‘Oh my god! Know when to stop, Ilaria!’ Rue panicked.

‘I can’t help it!’

“After I woke up from my heat. He was here. Burning piles of bodies in the garden and I kissed him. He knew we’d had sex, so I told him we were soulmates, and he said I had to figure out what he is to me, because when he saw me next, he would be taking what was his.”

Luka inhaled sharply and turned his back on me. In the next breath, his fist crashed through the wall. I startled, my heart thumping erratically as panic took over.

“You need to leave before I lose control!”

“I’m not leaving you when you’re like this! Look, I’m going to talk to Heathen. Tell him that it’s over between us. That all I want to do is help him.”

He threw his hands up into his hair, staring at the ceiling and bent his knees slightly as a sadistic, twisted laugh exploded from his lips. I blinked twice, feeling déjà vu. He sounded just like Heathen.

“Talk to him? Fucking talk to him?” He started shaking his head, madness in his eyes. “As if talking to him would make an ounce of difference! If he’s this obsessed with you already, nothing will stop him.”

I opened my mouth to argue but found there was nothing to say to that. He was right. I knew that deep down. Heathen will never give me up. With my hand on my forehead, I rubbed my skin, feeling the panic setting in. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lead him on. I just feel this gravity towards him. When I’m around him, I lose my sanity. This started between us before I even knew you existed, Luka. And I’ve been confused. You have to believe me.”

He ran his hands down his face but seemed to calm down a little. At least he was no longer pacing like a predator about to strike.

“I believe you. You’ve taken a truth serum. I have no choice.”

“How convenient,” I grumbled. He turned to look at me. Suddenly, he grabbed my face in his hands and stared deep into my eyes.

“I’ll deal with Heathen, but you have to promise me something,” he said with such seriousness that my gut twisted with dread.

“What are you going to do?”

“Ilaria, you have to promise me. I won’t always be able to keep him away from you. So you have to promise, no matter what, do not give him your soul.”

I frowned deeply, pulling my face from his hands. “What do you mean ’give him my soul? ’”

A memory flashed in my mind of Heathen in the woods, answering my question as to what he wanted from me. To own your soul. You have to give it to me. My eyes widened as I met Luka’s, and he puffed out a breath.

“He’s already asked you for it?”

“Kind of.”

The sound of my phone vibrating in my rucksack echoed around the room.

“You must promise me, Ilaria. Don’t give it to him. No matter what he says or how he makes you feel. Never give him your soul.”

“How can I anyway? How do you go about giving your soul to a demon? And surely, I can’t. We are bonded now. We exchanged blood when we mated. Our souls are bound.”

“That won’t stop him.”

My phone started vibrating again and I groaned. I tugged it out of my bag to see it was my mum. Shit. She must be back from Heroux and wondering where I am.

“Ilaria?” Luka growled, losing his patience.

“Alright. I promise! I’ll never give him my soul.” He stepped back, his shoulders relaxing but the tension remained on his face. “I have to go. My mum is back from Heroux and—”

“Go.” He nodded, glancing over my head at the clock on the wall. “It’s the weekly Underground gambling event tonight. I need to go too.”

“You didn’t say?”

“I know,” he answered with annoying nonchalance. “Women only go to these events if they are on the arm of a man. Which means you won’t be going.”

I rolled my eyes. He grabbed my jaw in his hand, forcing me to stare up at him. He was still livid. I could tell. But he was trying not to unleash his rage on me. I suddenly felt very sorry for whoever got on the wrong side of him at the club tonight.

“I’ll text you later?” I made it into a question and I didn’t know why. Suddenly, the tables had turned on me once more and I didn’t know exactly how we were leaving things between us.

“I won’t be able to reply until after the event,” he said without a hint of emotion. I just nodded like a fool. His eyes fell to my lips and I could see the temptation on his face but also the hesitancy. Just stop being mad at me and kiss me. Or stay mad. Either way, just kiss me!

When his eyes met mine again, I huffed, knowing he wasn’t going to.

“Be safe,” he husked, before he marched briskly from the room, heading back upstairs. My phone started up in my hand again, and I groaned. I vanished behind a puff of black smoke before someone gave me a severe scolding for missing the most important night of the week. Family night.