Page 235 of Dark Souls

“And what life would that be?” He turned to face me again. His eyes were back to their forest green, which blended in with our surroundings. His deep voice was strained with pain as he asked, “What is my purpose if you don’t need me?”

He shook his head, unable to hold my gaze because he could probably see the sympathy in my eyes and hated it. I understood exactly how he felt because that’s how I had felt for centuries. My only purpose had been to keep Hana alive. I had given up on caring for my life. But Ilaria woke me from the grave I had buried for myself and breathed life back into me. She made me realise that my life was nowhere near over. It was only the beginning.

“I’ll always need you, brother. You are my best friend. But you should focus on yourself and what will make you happy, too. Let’s not let our pasts ruin our futures. We can change how the world sees our kind, starting today. So let’s show them who we are.”

“I don’t know who I am, Luka. But I know what I am not.” He threw the shredded stick away, and we watched it hit branches on the way down to the ground. “I am happy that you and Hana have found something more than what we believed we would ever have in this life. And it makes me glad to see you are healing and becoming the man you were destined to be because of your mate.” He turned and grabbed my shoulder too, staring into my eyes. “You are a good man. You always have been. But you and I both know that this isn’t me. I don’t belong in some castle with a bunch of royals who only want world peace.”

I frowned deeply as the ghost of a sad smile toyed with his lips.

“I had already lived for nearly half a century by the time you were born. The world was brutal back then, and from what I have been forced to watch you go through, the world is still brutal now. So if I must be savage to survive it, I will be. It is all I have ever known. If I want someone dead, I’ll kill them. If someone hurts me or my family, I will seek my revenge how I see fit. Anyone who gets in my way will quickly find themselves out of it. We are demons, Luka. Veles’ chosen ones. We cannot pretend to be anything less. We should be feared. And the only thing that is keeping me from releasing my wrath on this fucked up world is my focus on finding that witch and unleashing it all on her. If the royals don’t want me breaking their precious rules, then they had best find her quickly. And because I love you, I will give them one week before I start using my own methods. After that, there is nothing anyone can do to stop me.”

He pressed his forehead against mine and glared into my eyes. We held our gaze for a few loaded seconds, allowing the silence to speak for our shared understanding, before he sat back with a dark smirk on his face. He leaned against the trunk again and folded his monstrous biceps over his giant chest. I had to hope that the royals would find this witch in the next seven days. Once Zoran had his revenge and his anger had subsided a little, I would try to have this talk again.

Zoran had always been the wild one. He would fight back harder if he felt trapped or caged with fierce, unrelenting fury. He’d rather burn the whole world to ash than be held against his will again, so I understood his reluctance to agree to their ruling. It didn’t mean he would attack every person with a pulse just for the fun of it. He just needed to make his own choices. Zoran had always had a problem with authority and following the rules. Our father was the only one who had any control over him.

“If her magic still lingers in your blood, Leif might be able to create a specific blood locator spell to find her. Would you be okay with that?”

“I don’t care how they do it. They can drain me for everything I am worth if it means I find her.”

We both looked out over the treetops and into the English countryside, deep in our thoughts and feelings. There was a conversation that needed to be had. One that I had been dreading, but I knew it was time. I exhaled a shaky breath before I spoke again.

“We need to find father’s bones.”

He gave a definitive nod. “We will. We will start the search tomorrow. I will burn that Knowlton bitch within an inch of her life to see if she knows where they are.”

“She doesn’t. Ilaria has already tried torturing her for information.”

He glanced at me with a sinister smile. “Let’s pretend I don’t know that.”

A heavy silence settled among us. The birds chirped, and leaves rustled. I scratched into the bark of the branch with one unsheathed nail.

“You’ll never know how sorry I am, Zoran. About everything. Everything that happened to all of us was because of me. Do you think you’ll be able to forgive me?”

His eyes narrowed with a look of irritation. “There is nothing to forgive. You were under a seduction spell. She preyed on you, manipulated you, and abused your trust. You were just a kid, Luka. Don’t apologise for something that was out of your control.”

My throat closed with emotion, and I felt the prickling sensation of tears behind my eyes, though I would never let them fall. Not in front of Zoran. He’d let me have my moment when I turned my humanity back on, but now, he’d expect me to keep my shit together, especially when it came to this. However, I couldn’t stop my shoulders shuddering as I stared at the sky.

“Mama blamed me. She said she’d never forgive me for father’s death.”

Zoran sighed, resting his head back against the trunk. He’d taken off all his bandages, and the sight of his burns and scars that would never fade made my chest ache even more.

“She spoke from a place of grief and a broken heart. That doesn’t make it true. She loved you. And father died fighting to protect his family, the only way he would have ever been happy to go. You and I both know that is what he would have wanted. He was sick of running. He chose to stay and fight. Just like I chose to stay by his side.”

“But I killed her.”

“You put her out of her misery and pain. I would have done the same.”

“I stole your gifts. They were meant to be for you.”

He glanced at me with an unreadable expression, and I held his unwavering gaze. “You did what you needed to do to survive.”

“But you are the firstborn. You were meant to–”

“Fucking hell, Luka. Just stop,” he growled, losing his patience. “You think I care? Do you think I would have rather watched you suffer more than you already were? Do you know why a father’s gifts are only transferred to the firstborn once he dies?”

I blinked once. “Because they are the strongest child.”

“No. Because the firstborn must continue to protect the family in the father’s absence. You thought I was dead. You had to protect yourself and Hana. You had to survive. As a raven, they were no good to me, and you needed them more than I did. I am glad you took them. So, stop with the self-blame and apology shit because you did everything right, Luka. You survived. You never surrendered.” He shoved my shoulder and stared into my eyes. “You made me proud. And I know our father would have been proud too.”