Page 73 of Dark Souls

Beauty Within

M y brother. He’d always been there. My teacher, my protector, my defender.

I couldn’t understand how it could be true, but it was. He was alive. Damaged and scarred but very much alive. And he was my trigger for turning my humanity back on.

I remembered everything. When I thought I saw him die, a part of me died too. Because he has always been my hero. He trained me, taught me everything I knew, showed me how to survive the harshness of our world, and how did I repay him? I betrayed him. I ignored everything he’d warned me of and placed my trust in a witch. I remember the look on his face that night when I told my family about Belladonna. The look of complete disappointment and fury. And then he died because of it. Or at least, I thought he did. Suddenly, my world had shifted on its axis and the two men who I looked up to and thought were invincible were gone. And I knew I would never feel safe again. Over the brutal years of torture, hiding and grief, I wondered why I survived and he did not. I wished I could have taken his place because he would have known how to keep Mama and Hana safe, and he would have done it better. When I had to make the choice to kill Mama and drink her blood to gain my father’s powers, I remember feeling like it was the ultimate betrayal to his memory. They were supposed to be his gifts. I couldn’t live with the guilt anymore, and I knew I’d never be able to go through with it and survive if I let that feeling eat me alive. So I turned my humanity off.

When he told me I was safe and could come back now, I knew he was telling me he had my back. That, despite everything, he had never stopped looking out for me. It was okay for me to let go, allowing everything I had locked away deep inside me to come to the surface, because he was there to keep me safe again. He could be the strong one for a while, so I didn’t have to be. I finally had permission to fall apart.

And fuck, I fell apart. But strangely, feeling everything I had buried for so long come to the surface in a rush left me with a surprising sense of acceptance that I never expected. When the tears had dried, my body had stopped trembling, and my brain processed every difficult, painful emotion, every feeling from my past and the choices I had made, I was left with relief. I could finally try to move forward. Because no matter how hard it was going to be, I knew I was going to get through it, just like I had dragged myself through every other difficult thing in my life.

Hana and I hadn’t left Zoran’s side for the last two hours, still processing our shock. Ilaria and Ronnie had stayed outside the room to give Zoran privacy while Ruby and Arius worked carefully on his wounds. I sat by the side of the large double bed in a guest room that had been set up for Zoran to rest and heal. Somehow, he’d been suspended in time and looked exactly as I remembered him that night. Luckily, Arius said he was strong enough to survive the reverse of that spell without many side effects but I still couldn’t take my eyes off him in fear that something would change.

Arius had brought him multiple bags of blood and even managed to get hold of some animal organs to help feed Ambro?, Zoran’s demon. He demolished the lot and Arius promised that he and Ilaria would use the green list to get him something more satisfying. Ruby warned us that his skin would never fully heal because hellfire caused his wounds. Zoran nodded with understanding, resting on the bed between Hana and me and my gut twisted, knowing that he would have to live with a physical reminder of that night for the rest of his life.

“We will leave you to talk.” Ruby smiled kindly as Arius tidied up the bandages and potion bottles. They closed the door behind them and I glanced back at Zoran, glad to be finally alone so I could get some answers.

Zoran was never great with languages. He understood English but had never been confident in speaking it. So the three of us spoke in our native language to ensure we got all the facts.

“How?” I asked in Serbian, still shaking my head and staring at his face. Half of it was now covered in white bandages. “I watched you burn, Zoran. You were in demon form. You couldn’t have survived that.”

“I know. I nearly didn’t,” he answered. “They bound me to the pillar and when I felt their magic keeping me from shifting, I thought that was the end of me. The fire rose higher, seared my flesh and I had never felt pain like it. I couldn’t see past the heat of the black flames that surrounded me, but I did feel something strange. It was a different type of agony. My bones started to break, my body rearranged and my vision sharpened. I was no longer tied to that cottage but flying up and above the fire, escaping my death. It took me a few seconds to realise that I wasn’t flying in my demon’s body. That I was different. I tried to shift but I couldn’t. I was trapped inside that raven’s form.”

“Who did it?” I growled, trying to get used to the mix of emotions battling inside me. I was furious that someone had trapped him as a raven for centuries, but I was also grateful in a way, because if they hadn’t, he’d be dead.

His jaw tensed and a vicious gleam in his eyes reminded me of how terrifying he could be when he was wronged. “A witch. That’s all I know.”

“You saw her?”

He nodded. “A glimpse. She was further away from the others. Near the tree line. I knew it was her because she was the only one looking up at the sky, watching me flying out of the flames as the raven she cursed me to be. None of the others noticed but she did. Because she was responsible.”

My chest ached and rage consumed me as I remembered who was standing further back from the coven. Belladonna and her mother. It was something I knew Belladonna would have been capable of, just to mess with me, but Arius said she wasn’t the one behind the spell. But perhaps he was wrong.

“Was it Belladonna? Or her mother?”

He shook his head. “No. I know what they looked like. I had to watch that bitch torture you for years. It wasn’t either of them. There was something about this witch that was… different.”

“Different how?” Hana asked.

“I don’t know. She had a unique energy about her.” He gritted his teeth. “But now that I am free, I will find that witch and make her pay for what she did to me.”

“You think she is still alive?”

“Yes. I know she is. I can still feel her poisonous magic alive in my veins, drawing me to her. She’s alive. I have come close to finding her recently, but she always runs, like she did that night. But now, I’ll find her, and I’ll make her suffer like she’s made me.”

Hana glanced at me, worry etched into her features. I shook my head in the hope she wouldn’t say what she was about to, but this was Hana.

“You want to punish her for saving your life?”

Zoran’s head snapped in her direction. The icy chill that he projected visibly made her cower.

“I want to kill her. She damned my life and trapped me in a useless body that wasn’t mine. She turned me into a creature who could barely do anything while I was forced to watch my siblings suffer for centuries. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t fight. I couldn’t protect either of you. I was forced to watch.. That cruel existence was worse than death itself.

“But you did help,” Hana replied weakly. “You did what you could. Without you helping Luka all those times, who knows what would have happened?”

“It was never enough,” he growled, dropping his head back on the pillow and staring up at the ceiling.

“I know it’s selfish,” I mumbled, looking down at his raw burns. “But I am glad you didn’t die that night. Because without even realising it, that raven kept me sane. You kept me alive when I wanted to give up, brother. Hana’s right.”

“That may be so. But it doesn’t change the fact that she never once tried to find me and turn me back. There was no explanation for what she did. I don’t even know who the fuck she is. But one thing I know for sure is, when I find her, I will get my revenge. She might be able to hide from a raven, but she can’t hide from me.”

Hana chewed on her bottom lip and stared at me. I inhaled deeply and placed my hand over his on the bed. He deserved our support.

“We will help you find her. I’ll dig up photos from the manor, and you can see if you recognise her from any of them. I thought I killed every Knowlton witch, but perhaps one slipped through the cracks.”

He reached over his torso with his other hand and patted mine. “Now, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really want to enjoy a decent sleep in a bed that isn’t made of twigs, so if you two wouldn’t mind fucking off.”

My face broke into a broad smile because there was my blunt, no-fucks-given brother. Hana and I stood up and made our way to the door.

“Luka,” he called out from the bed, and I peered over my shoulder. “That girl of yours… I like her.”

“Hands fucking off.” I smirked as he lifted his lips into a twisted grin.

“I’m happy for you,” he answered, then moved his gaze to Hana. “For both of you.”

“Maybe now you’re free, you might find your soulmate too,” Hana beamed at him, but his smile dropped.

He didn’t answer, only rolled his body onto his side with effort and groaned. Hana sighed and left the room and just before I closed the door, I swear I heard him muttering, “As if she’d want me like this.”

Entering Ilaria’s bedroom to find it empty, I stopped and looked around, seeing everything as if it was the first time I’d set foot inside. I ran my hands over her quirky clothes that were hanging in her wardrobe, inhaling her floral and peppery scent that warmed my blood. I read the spines of her book collection perched on the shelves and studied the little trinkets and items she had purposely used to decorate her space, each telling me a little more about the woman they belonged to.

Like how the candles with melted wax cascading down the sides and onto the surfaces and her love for historical romance showed me she was an old soul who preferred to read about epic love stories in the dark, warmed by candlelight. The pressed dead flowers she kept in glass frames around the room and hanging on the wall showed me she saw beauty where others saw sadness. The worn teddy that was missing an eye sitting on the trunk by the end of her bed told me she was sentimental and kept hold of the things she loved. The black walls and fluffy furniture perfectly captured her personality; a blend of feistiness and softness. I placed my hands on my hips and pressed my lips into a thin line. How had I not taken any notice of these things? How had I not paid any attention to the details?

Without my humanity, I had known that I loved her. I had known the woman she was by her actions and words, but I hadn’t bothered to open my fucking eyes and look. To really see her.

The door creaked open, and I turned my head as she walked into the room, freezing on the spot when she found me standing there. Her enchanting eyes locked with mine and a small gasp passed through her full lips. Seeing my natural eye colour must take some time to get used to. I stared at her lips. I couldn’t wait to taste them and feel how they stirred emotions in me just from their touch.

“Hi,” she breathed with a rare look of uncertainty on her alluring face as my gaze traced every feature.

“Hi.” I turned to face her, dropping my arms to the side as I drank in every inch of her. She was painfully beautiful. Not just in appearance but in every way. I took a few steps towards her, closing the distance and heightening the electric tension that surrounded us. Her eyes never left mine; even when I stopped so close in front of her, she had to crane her neck to look up.

She hesitantly lifted her hand and placed it on the side of my face. “I can’t believe how much an eye colour can change so much about someone’s face.”

I smiled. “Don’t tell me you no longer find me attractive? I’ll turn my humanity off immediately,” I joked and finally, I was rewarded with that breath-taking smile. My heart flipped and fluttered in my chest at the sight of it. It felt like I was drowning and soaring all at once.

She shook her head, still studying me. “No. Don’t do that. You’re beautiful, Luka. Eyes truly are the windows to the soul.”

“And what do you see in mine?” I whispered, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her into my body. The feeling of her soft body that curved into my hard torso so perfectly felt like I’d finally come home.

Her pink eyes darted between mine, taking that question seriously as she searched. “Bravery. Strength. Determination. Vulnerability. Pain. Kindness. And a little bit of stubbornness.”

I ran my fingers along her cheekbones and traced the edge of her jawline before weaving them through her hair. Lowering my head slowly, I tilted her head upward and brushed her lips with mine. My eyes fluttered shut at the tingle that a simple touch caused, feeling it travel through my entire body. I felt a small puff of her breath leave her lips and I inhaled it through mine, wanting the very air that had once been in her lungs.

“Luka.”

My name came out as a breathless whimper of longing as I continued to barely kiss her, just relishing the feeling of being so close to everything I had always wanted but never thought I deserved. I knew I had kissed her hundreds of times before, and those kisses had meant something. They had been full of passion and intensity, but beneath it, there was always a deep-seated anger that lived inside me, that would never let me truly appreciate the simplicity of a kiss. In a way, this felt like I was about to experience my first kiss all over again. And I wanted to make it count.

“Just let me feel ,” I whispered, noticing how her body trembled in anticipation. Our noses brushed as I continued to tease her lips, flicking my tongue lightly over them and causing them to part wider as her breathing increased. I could hear her pounding heart and feel the rise and fall of her breasts against my chest. A sudden surge of desire and passion travelled through my veins, demanding I take what I needed from her, but I forced myself to have patience. To savour this.

When our lips finally locked, my grip on her hair tightened, and she rose to her tiptoes, her body flush against mine. Our lips moved together with tenderness and the love and happiness that I felt for this woman poured through our bond, making sure she felt just how much I adored her. She whimpered into the kiss when our tongues glided against each other in slow sweeps. It felt like I was falling. Falling into unknown territory and it fucking terrified me. It terrified me to love someone this much. But there was no denying it. There was no stopping it. There was no fighting it. I just had to embrace the fear because not loving her was impossible.

I broke the kiss reluctantly before it became too heated and held her face in my hands. Her eyes fluttered open in a blissful haze and she peered back into mine. A simple yet beautiful smile appeared as she literally breathed the word, “Woah.”

I smirked. “Don’t worry, love. I might kiss you like a gentleman now, but I will still fuck you like a beast.”

She giggled, her cheeks blushing with heat. “I was worried for a second there. Thought you’d gone all soft on me, Red.”

I dug the hardness of my cock into her stomach and raised my pierced eyebrow. “Really?”

She bit her lip seductively. I was ready to bend her over the bed and fuck her right there and then. But I stopped myself. Just like I wanted to make the most of that kiss between us, I wanted to make the first time we fucked with my humanity special, too. A plan formed in my mind. One that I had never had the capacity or means to achieve before. Stepping back from her, ignoring the flicker of disappointment on her face because she clearly thought we were about to fuck, I walked over to her table and lifted the bud of a dried rose with my finger.

“Why the obsession with dead flowers?”

She stood beside me with a small smile and ran her fingers over the dry, shrivelled petals.

“I know everyone else likes the vibrancy and richness of a flower in bloom, but I think there is something so much more meaningful in dried flowers. Still admiring the beauty in something that has lost what makes it beautiful reminds me that time and hardships may have diminished its appearance, but its value is never truly gone. I can look at them and appreciate the memory of what the flower once was, but love what it has now become. That is beauty in its most authentic form. Acceptance.”

I turned to face her, watching as she pulled off a single petal of the dried rose and held it up between her fingers.

“If the world accepted everyone for their uniqueness and the beauty of originality, perhaps they would see that you don’t just discard something because it no longer looks or behaves the way you want it to or because it’s lost what others consider as beautiful. You learn to look harder. To search for beauty within. The beauty that still remains.” She glanced up at me. “That’s why I like dead flowers.”

“Like how you accepted me, no matter what.” I pulled her to me. “I’ve never thanked you, Ilaria. Thank you for not discarding me like the rest of the world did. You saw value in me when I couldn’t even see it in myself.”

“And can you see it now?” She tilted her head to the side, running her fingers over the raised scars on my chest from the times I’d cut myself just to feel something other than rage.

“I’m starting to,” I answered, but my mind quickly swarmed with all the reasons I shouldn’t. All the mistakes I had made and the horrendous things I had done. I closed my eyes, grit my teeth and let the sadness, grief, anxiety and pain have their moment. Ilaria pressed the side of her face to my chest, listening to my pounding heart. I kept forgetting that she could feel my emotions through our bond. She’d always know when I was struggling and there was comfort in knowing I’d never feel alone again. She may not always fully understand what I am dealing with, but she’ll always be there.

“Will you come with me to the manor and grab photographs for Zoran to look through?” I asked, forcing myself to let go of her. I grabbed my leather jacket off the bed and threw it on.

“He thinks the witch that did this to him was part of the Knowlton coven?”

“Well, she was there that night. She might not have been part of the coven, but she had to at least be a slayer, right?”

“But why would she save him? If she was there to kill you all, why save him when he was as good as dead?” Ilaria questioned, and I paused to give her a knowing look. The question had bothered me too and there was only one explanation that made any sense. Ilaria caught on quickly, her hand slamming over her mouth.

“You think she was his soulmate?” I nodded. “Does Zoran think that, too? Did he feel it?”

I grunted, dragging my hand through my hair. “My brother is too consumed with rage to think rationally about any of this. Maybe he’s in denial or maybe he didn’t feel the bond because by the time he saw her, he was already a raven. Or perhaps she is just some twisted witch who went rogue against the coven and isn’t his mate. Who knows? But he is determined to find her and make her answer for what she did.”

Ilaria licked her lips and nodded slowly. “He has every right to be angry. She may have saved his life, but leaving him like that? A part of me really hopes that she isn’t his soulmate because that is seriously messed up.”

“I know.”

And if I knew my brother like I thought I did, he would never stop scouring the ends of the Earth for her until his final breath. Zoran could really hold a grudge and nobody hated slayers like he did. He really would make her pay for it, even if it destroyed him in the process.