Page 158 of Dark Souls

“Because you love me. And you’d never do anything to hurt me,” I whispered. My eyes begged him. I felt desperate. I’d do just about anything to see even a hint of the Luka I knew come to the surface. It felt like there was a slicing blade embedded in my chest, slowly tearing through my heart, but I still had hope that I wouldn’t bleed out. That the knife wouldn’t be ripped out, shattering my heart to pieces.

Luka lowered his voice to barely a whisper, but I still heard every callous word as it fractured something deep inside of me. “I’m not capable of love. Never have been. Not since that emotion died with me the same day your family took my soul.”

And with that, the love of my life twisted Ronnie’s neck mercilessly. The crack of his bones echoed around the room as I screamed, falling to my knees. Lorcan raced forwards and met Luka’s hand with force as Luka flung him back, sending his body crashing into the wall. Leif sent a blast of magic in Luka’s direction, but he was too quick, diving backwards out of the window.

My grandma wrapped her arms around me, rocking me against her as my body trembled, and I felt myself falling into the empty abyss of shock as I stared at Ronnie’s lifeless body on the floor. He killed him. He actually did it. Just like that. He took the life of someone I cared about, knowing the full extent of the damage it would do. Lorcan was running his hand through his hair, swearing repeatedly, while Leif stared out the window, searching for any sign of Luka.

“He’s fucking gone!” Leif shouted, turning around and glancing down at Ronnie. Those words had more than one meaning.

They were both gone.

“How long has she been like this?”

“Hours. She won’t stop pacing. She won’t talk.”

“She’s in denial. It’s the first stage of grief. We just need to give her space and time.”

“What’s the next stage?”

“Anger.”

“How’s Sienna doing?”

“She’s in bits. So is Archer. Raiden is with her.”

“That poor girl has lost too many people she loved in this life. Do we have any idea where Luka is?”

“No. Right now, our priority is Ilaria and Sienna. And making sure they’re okay.”

“Fuck, what are we going to do when we do find him? He’s still Ilaria’s soulmate.”

The voices of my family around me barely registered as I stared at my bare feet, taking one step in front of the other against the marbled floor tiles. Left. Right. Left. Right. Reach the wall. Turn. Left. Right. Left. My fingers tapped out a jumbled rhythm against my thighs to stop the panic attack that was brewing under the surface. It ached so deeply; this pain in the hollowness of my chest that was intent on crippling me. On bringing me to my knees. But as long as I kept walking, that wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t fall. Because once I did, I wouldn’t get back up. And that wasn’t an option. This wasn’t over. This wasn’t how it ended.

Luka’s words repeated over and over in my head.

I’m leaving.

This is the last time you’ll ever see me.

Isn’t this exactly who I am?

A monster.

Everyone thinks so.

It’s time to wake up.

I’m not capable of love.

I didn’t believe it. It was real. What we had was real. He was capable of love because I’d felt it. I’d felt it in those moments he held me when we were alone. In how he looked into my eyes and made me feel like I was the only person in the world. In the way he always comforted me when he could see I needed it. In the way he kissed me like my lips were his sanctuary. He always thought of my safety and my needs before his own. He opened up to me about his past. He’d shown me the strength of vulnerability and put his life in my hands. He trusted me. He trusted me.

He. Trusted. Me.

I stopped walking. The room fell silent around me as everyone seemed to hold their breath and waited for me to either speak or start pacing again.

“Ilaria?”

I turned to find my mum staring at me with so much sorrow and concern in her magenta eyes and her dainty hand on my shoulder.