Page 232 of Dark Souls

I nodded, recalling the memory I saw between them before. “She told you to never surrender and to protect her bones until she could be reunited with your father.”

He exhaled loudly. “There is a sacred belief that Demonksi Upirs cherish above all else. When I was younger, mama used to tell it as a bedtime story, but I didn’t realise it was real until I was much older. The story originates back to the vampire Katrina and the deal she made with Veles, God of the Underworld. She promised that she would sacrifice her own soul in death and become his eternal slave in the Underworld in exchange for a child, but she asked that when her child died, he would be reunited with her eventually. Veles agreed that his own creations would live on in The Underworld after their mortal lives, but only if they had found their soulmates and obtained their souls. Two souls for the price of one. The more souls in The Underworld, the stronger Veles became.”

“That is why soulmates, who have given their souls to a demon, can only survive as long as their mates do?”

He nodded. “It is a sign of gratitude to Veles. He is the only God demons worship. He accepts both soulmates into the Underworld as his subjects, and then they may live for eternity together. However, we believe there is a traditional burial; their bones must be blessed and buried in the same place for their souls to be together in the afterlife. I never found my father’s bones. My failure meant they had been apart for all this time. Their souls have never found peace and haven’t reunited. And I can never feel peace because of it. Damned souls wander aimlessly in the underworld without purpose, feeling only loneliness and pain unless they are Veles’ chosen ones.”

I sat up straighter. “Then we will find them. Luka, you haven’t failed them. You were trapped. You were restricted and couldn’t search for them. But you kept your mother’s bones safe and as soon as we find your father’s, we can give them the burial they deserve and reunite them in the Underworld.”

He turned to look at me. I lifted my hand and wiped a dried tear away from his cheek with my thumb. “We may never find them.”

“We will.” I smiled as he stared into my eyes. My heart fluttered so violently every time he did. His natural eyes were so stunning, I couldn’t get enough of them.

“I love you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine. “Do you know that?”

“I do.” I smirked as he held my gaze, cupping my face with his huge hand and brushing his thumb up and down my jaw line lightly.

“There is something I need to talk to you about.” He suddenly seemed nervous, a look that was so rare and unsettling it caused my pulse to spike immediately.

“Okay. What is it?”

“I know we haven’t discussed it, and we probably should have before you gave us your soul and bound yourself to us for all—”

“Luka.”

He inhaled sharply. “I can’t be a father.”

I froze. My heart stuttered to a halt and then pounded rapidly. The intensity in his eyes and words made my next breath catch.

“I mean, I probably can, you know, physically. Heathen wanted me to clarify that. But what I mean is, I don’t want to be. I don’t want to have children.”

I licked my lips as I tried to gather myself after that revelation. It’s not like I wanted children anytime soon and, to be honest, I wasn’t a maternal person in the sense that I couldn’t wait to have my own, but I guess I always thought I would, eventually. There was no rush, and I didn’t want children for many, many years yet, but to suddenly be told that I may never have them… I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“Ever?” I whispered, staring back at his face. His jaw was tense, and I could see the pain in his eyes. He hated this. He thought he was failing me. Unable to be the man I deserved.

“I don’t know. Probably.” He rubbed his hand down his face. “At least that is how I feel right now. I know I don’t need to tell you that I have trust issues, love. I just can’t justify bringing a child like me into this world when I can’t trust that the world will accept them for who they are. The life I have lived, that Zoran and Hana have lived…” He shook his head. “I know I can’t see into the future and know how things will be. Whether the world will change and things will be different for my kind. But I already know if I were to have a child with you, I would love it so fucking much that I would live every day in constant fear that they would never be safe. I don’t want to give them the life I had or even an ounce of what I had to go through. And I hate that because I want nothing more than to meet a mini-version of me and you, but it would be the most selfish thing I could ever do. And I already love even the idea of that child too much to put it through that.”

I moved between his legs so I could face him and placed my hands on either side of his face. I smiled as his green eyes danced in the candle’s flames when he peered into my eyes.

“Luka. That is how I know you would be the greatest father in the world. I understand how you are feeling and, honestly, I agree with you.”

“You do?” He frowned, his eyebrows tensing.

“I do. Because right now, children are the last thing on my mind. This.” I pressed my hand to his chest, directly over his heart. “You. I don’t want to share you with anyone for a long time, Luka. That makes me selfish, I know. But we deserve time. And you need time. Time to heal and accept what an amazing, loving, honest and brave man you are. Time to see yourself as I see you. Time to have fun. To go out and start our lives, do what we want, when we want, because you are free now. You can finally start living the life you have always deserved. And one day, far, far into the future, you and I can have this talk again. No pressure. We just take life one step at a time.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“Do I need to write a list?” I smirked, shaking his neck a little in a playful gesture. “Because I will. You know how I love writing lists.”

He smiled, the pain and anxiety in his eyes slowly melting away as he pulled me closer and forced me to sit on his lap.

“Not today, not tomorrow, probably not next week, but one day, I will be the man you were destined to have. He’s in here, you are slowly bringing him back, and he wants to give you the world, Ilaria. Anything and everything you desire, he’ll move heaven and hell to make sure you have it. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

I giggled, which made his lips twist into a confused smile. “You are the only person in the whole world that I seem to be patient with. Ask any of my family. I am the least patient person alive. But…” I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in closer. “I’ve realised that when it counts, some things are worth waiting for.”

His hands weaved through my hair, and he pulled me to his lips, kissing me deeply. When we broke apart, he mumbled, “Can we get the fuck out of here now? I want to burn this place to ash.”

“Yes, please.” I smiled.