Page 63 of Before You (Reckless Love #2)

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

Marley

“HOW MUCH LONGER do you think they’re going to be?

” Bria asks, tugging on a Beaumont football sweatshirt I’d guess is Asher’s.

I spin my thumb ring, my foot tapping anxiously as I stare at the door, willing JJ and Asher to walk through it any moment.

Outside, I hear sirens getting louder as they drive by.

It casts an eerie shadow, contributing to the rare dreary day we’re having.

“I don’t know,” I say, but I can’t shake the sinking feeling something isn’t right.

I was going to check on JJ when Asher said he’d do it, but it was the way he snagged JJ’s keys a minute later without saying a thing.

I looked through the blinds to watch them as they left before calling JJ, but he didn’t answer.

“You’re making me nervous, Mar. I’m just going to call Ash and ask when they’ll be back.”

I only caught a glimpse of JJ’s phone before he stood up, and it had to have been Bailey. It’s the only explanation. “Hey babe, just calling to see when you’ll be back? Hope everything’s okay,” she says, hanging up after leaving the message.

“Babe?” I ask, raising my eyebrow as I try to lighten the mood.

She rolls her eyes, but her cheeks flush with a crimson hue. “Shut up, it’s not a big deal.”

“Are you finally ready to admit you like him yet?” I mean, it’s not a secret because he’s been staying here a lot since Halloween, but the hard part has been getting Bria to admit she has feelings for him.

The corners of Bria’s mouth pull up into a smile not even she can fight. “Fine. Yes, I like him a lot.” Oh man, I can’t wait to tell JJ about this. He’s going to be so mad he missed it. Bria crosses her arms over her chest, swimming in the sweatshirt as she sighs. “Seriously, where are they?”

I don’t know,” I repeat, taking a glance at JJ’s assignments and laptop on the coffee table, before my gaze returns to the door, hoping for a miracle.

If the call he received was from Bailey, I’m afraid to think of what might happen.

He’s still early into his sobriety, and I think if anything were to make him relapse, it would be a call from his brother.

Every call seems to trigger something inside of JJ, sending him spiraling until he’s able to pull himself out of the trenches, but I’m not sure how much longer he can handle this.

Inhaling deeply, I try to remind myself Asher’s with him. Everything will be fine.

“What if you try JJ again?” she asks, standing up to pace, and it’s too much for me when I’m already barely keeping it together.

“Bria, I don’t know where they are, they’ll be back when they’re back,” I say, my grip on my nerves cracking, but when she bristles, I feel worse.

Dragging my hands over my face, I press JJ’s number, my hand shaking as I hold it up to my ear.

Each ring feels as if it’s taking an eternity, and finally, I get his voicemail.

“No answer,” I mumble, trying not to let my mind run rampant with all the ways this can end in disaster.

“They’re going to be fine,” Bria says, taking a seat once more.

“Of course they are,” I say, wishing I believed the words coming out of my mouth.

The phone call I receive an hour later instead fractures our reality beyond repair, proving ignorance is, in fact, bliss.

~

JJ is sitting catatonic in the hospital bed when I get there as Bria distracts the nurses at the desk, making it possible for me to slip past them.

He has a large bandage covering his temple and part of his forehead, but otherwise looks okay to my relief.

Because of how many calls I made to his cell, someone finally called me back to let me know JJ had been in an accident.

“JJ?” I ask, hesitating in the doorway. I didn’t see Asher’s name on any of the nearby rooms, but I refuse to let myself consider what it could mean.

His head shifts in my direction, but it’s the glazed expression on his face as I see the IV bag connected to him.

JJ’s eyes are rimmed in red, but he closes them, turning away.

I take it as a good sign he doesn’t tell me to leave, so I step forward, doing my best to tread lightly before attempting to take his hand.

“What happened?” I ask, swallowing the lump rising in my throat, and the question seems to break the dam holding him together.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. It’s all my fault.”

What’s his fault? JJ snatches his hand away from me, and a hundred questions run through my mind.

“Hey, it’s okay. Nothing is your fault, everything’s going to be fine,” I try to reassure him, but his heart rate spikes on the monitor as JJ grows more upset, his emerald eyes flashing like a wild animal trapped in a corner.

“You don’t understand, none of this would have happened if I could have just stopped. I wouldn’t be like this, and I tried so hard— so fucking hard, Marley, but it doesn’t matter, ” he says, his walls demolished as tears flow freely down his cheeks.

“JJ, what happened?” I ask, my heart sputtering in my chest. I don’t know what I expected to see, but it wasn’t this.

His monitor is beeping erratically, alarms going off and a nurse and doctor enter the room, brushing past me as JJ grows more upset.

“No more, please. Marley, please,” he begs, and the sheer brokenness of his voice wrecks me as I cover my mouth to keep any sound from coming out.

“It’s my fault he’s dead. It’s all my fault,” he repeats, and they inject something in his IV, but I’m too focused on his words to hear the medication.

It’s my fault he’s dead.

“Miss, you can’t be in here,” one of them says, and I stare at JJ struggling against his inner demons, taking a step back as my brain struggles to process everything.

Is he talking about Asher?

“Miss,” the nurse says in a clipped tone, and I take a few steps backward, sinking against the wall until I hit the ground.

When the door opens a few minutes later, the room inside is quiet, and her kind face softens while her shoulders sink. “How did you get back here?” she asks, and I wipe my cheeks.

“My best friend is really good at creating diversions,” I admit, rising into a standing position as my legs shake under me. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Are you family?”

I sigh, shaking my head. “No, but his family is in North Carolina. I was waiting until I knew what to tell them before calling, but I’m JJ’s girlfriend. We go to Beaumont University.”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything, but the doctor should be out in just a moment if you’ll wait here,” she says, her tone apologetic as she steps back into the room, returning a moment later with the doctor.

“I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to discuss his current condition,” she says after the nurse excuses herself, stepping into another room to check on a different patient.

“Please. I need to know what’s going on before I call his family. I’m sorry for sneaking back here, but someone called me from his phone to let me know he had been in an accident and was being admitted,” I say, unashamed when more tears roll down my cheeks.

“It’s not protocol,” she begins, and I feel all the fight drain out of me.

“He doesn’t have any major injuries from the accident, but we are monitoring him to make sure he remains stable.

He has a deep laceration on his forehead, but I’m more concerned with his mental state.

We administered a sedative to calm his nervous system, but it’s not a long-term solution.

I can’t tell you anything more without direct consent from his family, but you should call them. He’s going to need a support system.”

A sedative . . . Oh my god. That’s what JJ meant by no more. He was begging them not to give him drugs, and I did nothing to stop it, too focused on his state to realize what he wanted.

Fresh tears spring to my eyes, and I wipe them away. “He’s an addict. JJ’s two month—he was two months clean,” I whisper, feeling my stomach roll.

Her sharp inhale is her only reaction. “I’ll make a note in his chart,” she says, moving to turn, and I can’t go back in his room yet, but I also can’t see Bria without knowing.

“And my friend? Asher Locke? He would have come in with JJ.”

This time, her shoulders fall. “I’m sorry for your loss. We were told both drivers were found deceased at the scene, and the only survivor was a passenger.”

I trip over my own feet, retreating as the doctor confirms what I don’t want to believe.

He can’t just be gone? A few hours ago, he was stealing the fuzzy blanket out of my room, claiming it was softer than any of Bria’s, and now he’s just . . . dead? It doesn’t make any sense.

What am I going to tell Bria? Does Charlie know?

My friend is dead, and my boyfriend is blaming himself. I think I’m going to be sick.

I slam the door of the bathroom open, barely dropping to my knees in time to dry heave into the toilet as silent sobs shake my entire body.

I give myself longer than I should to fall apart before attempting to pull myself together, pulling my phone out of my pocket, calling the person I think will understand the most how I feel right now.

“Marley? Is everything okay? It’s midnight,” he says after picking up, and a shaky breath escapes me.

“No, Dad. Everything’s not okay. I need you guys,” I admit, wanting nothing more than for all of this to be a nightmare I’ll wake up from in the morning.

“We’ll be there in a few hours,” he says without my needing to say anything else. “What happened?”

My grief threatens to swallow me alive, and I bite my lip hard to keep from bursting into tears again.

“There was an accident. My friend died, and I failed JJ in the worst way by not stopping the doctors when they were sedating him,” I whisper, knowing exactly how awful it sounds.

“He’s an addict, but he’s been doing so damn well, Dad. He had two months, and I let him down.”

I hold my breath, expecting him to be upset with me for not saying anything sooner. “Oh, Marley,” he says, and the unexpected gentleness is so understanding, it makes me want to crumble again. “I’m so sorry.”

“I-I need to call JJ’s family, and Bria is out there waiting for me, but how do I tell B her boyfriend’s dead? How am I supposed to do any of this?”

I don’t know anything at all about the circumstances surrounding the accident, and it’s not fair.

“One step at a time,” Dad says, and I inhale a ragged breath.

“You’ll be here soon?” I ask, trying to hold onto that bit of comfort.

“As soon as I can be. I love you.”

I’m exhausted, and everything else is going to be so much harder. “I love you too.”

One step at a time. I can do this.

The only number for JJ’s family I have is his sister’s, and I don’t want to look for his phone. Mirabelle doesn’t answer the first time I call, but I force my shaking hand to press her number a second time, dreading the moment she answers.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“I know.”

“I like you, Marley, but my brother has made it crystal clear he doesn’t want to talk to me, so forgive me for hanging up. I don’t feel like dealing with his shit right now.”

“I’m at the hospital,” I blurt out before she can hang up on me. “Please don’t hang up because . . .” My voice falters. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Mirabelle.”

“What are you doing at the hospital?” she asks, any trace of bitterness leaving her voice, but I’m relieved Mira didn’t hang up. “Is JJ okay?”

“There was an accident, and I don’t know what happened. I’m not family so the doctors won’t tell me much, but I saw him, and he’s okay physically, but he’s going to need you guys,” I explain, trying to keep from dropping the addict bomb over the phone.

Mirabelle gasps. “What? Were you with him?”

“No. Asher was.”

“Is he okay?”

I swallow my emotions down, trying to become used to this new reality my friend isn’t a part of. “Asher’s dead.”

I hear Mirabelle asking me more questions, but they’re not processing in my brain. I can’t find the words to answer them. I tried, but I can’t do this. I can’t compartmentalize my emotions—not for this.

How did we get here? What wrong steps did we take to lead us to this very moment?

I mumble a short goodbye to Mirabelle before daring to go back to the waiting room. Bria is pacing back and forth, probably going out of her mind, and I’m jealous. Her world hasn’t shifted on its axis yet, and I’d give anything to not be the one to deliver the news to her.

It’s better coming from me, though. One step at a time.

It’s not too late to run and hide in JJ’s room.

Her striking eyes meet mine, widening as Bria rushes toward me. “Well? What did you find out? Are they okay? The nurse refused to tell me anything,” she says, rolling her eyes.

I open my mouth, but I don’t know how to say it. It feels unreal.

“Mar, you’re making me nervous. Just spit it out,” she says, scanning over my face, and I feel my lower lip tremble.

I thought I had already cried all my tears, but still, more pool in my eyes.

“Is it JJ?” Bria asks, her face growing pale, and I sink my teeth into my lower lip, shaking my head. “Where’s Asher?”

I try swallowing the lump in my throat as my heart cracks. “He’s go—” My throat seizes, refusing to let the words be spoken a third time.

“You’re wrong,” she says, stepping back.

“He’s here. Ash has to be here,” Bria says, darting around me faster than I or anyone else can stop her, toward patient rooms. I follow after her, watching helplessly as she steps into the doorway of each room, searching for him, but she turns in a circle, her shoulders shaking.

I can feel the anguish rolling off her in waves, and I wrap my arms around her as Bria buries her head in my neck.

“Where is he? He’s supposed to be here,” she sobs, and I hold her tight as she breaks faster than I can pick up the pieces to glue them back together.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, seeing over her shoulder JJ lying in his hospital bed. All of this is beyond overwhelming, but I’m not leaving him. It would completely destroy me when so much has already been ruined.

“I needed more time,” she sobs, and this time, the pieces of our broken hearts scatter everywhere.