Page 18 of Before You (Reckless Love #2)

CHAPTER TEN

Marley

“THIS TIME IT was only one flower, and it was left at the door,” Bria says, walking through the front door.

I continue measuring out the cookie dough I’ve mixed in the kitchen as the oven beeps to tell me it’s preheated.

Music isn’t working as an outlet right now, because Trent doesn’t feel worth putting into words on paper, which leaves me with baking.

Unfortunately, I inherited my mother’s genes in the kitchen in every capacity, so there’s a very good chance these cookies will turn out like shit, even if they look fine now. “I hope you’re throwing it away.”

“This one’s pretty,” she says, twirling it in her hands as she flops onto the couch. “Do you mind if I keep it?”

“Sure, if you want. Just because I don’t want anything of Trent’s, doesn’t mean you can’t reap the benefits of his apology tour.”

“Understandably so, but does that include his roommate?” Bria asks, and I scoop more dough onto the cookie sheet next to me.

“He lied to me.”

She sighs, and I glance up now, spying the flower in her hand.

The lavender petals are beautiful, and I’m surprised Trent bothered to pick out something so beautiful and deliver it himself.

Everything else has been extravagant bouquets of red roses, and the delivery guy has finally stopped looking surprised when I tell him I don’t want them.

“What?” I ask, trying not to get defensive.

“Marley, I’m not trying to defend JJ, but what was he supposed to do? Tell you immediately after seeing you for the first time in two and a half years your boyfriend’s cheating on you?”

“Yes,” I say immediately. Rationally, I know he was put in a shitty position, but JJ still should have told me. I would have believed him.

“Well, then I think you should give him another chance. I saw how JJ looked at you when he first saw you, and he is the last person who would ever try to hurt you.”

“He lied.”

“Technically, he just didn’t tell you. Unless you asked him if Trent was cheating, then JJ didn’t lie,” she counters, and sometimes it’s really annoying having a best friend studying pre-law.

“Bria, I don’t want to talk about him.”

“I just think you should know JJ wants to talk to you,” Bria says, and my hand slips, knocking the tray of cookies onto the tile floor with a clang.

“Shit,” I swear, dragging my hands over my face.

“Five second rule?”

“No, they’re ruined,” I say, dropping down to start picking up the pieces.

Honestly, I’m pissed off about Trent, but that’s not why I’m upset. I know I was going to the house to break up with Trent regardless of whether I caught him with another girl, but it’s JJ who has my heart twisted into a knot I’m not sure where to begin untangling.

“They’re not ruined—the cookies can be fixed, and if not, start over,” Bria says, as I stand up, and I’m aware she’s not talking about cookies anymore.

“Bria.”

“Marley,” Bria returns my scolding tone, and I throw the globs of dough in the trash can, washing my hands to get rid of the sticky feeling.

“There’s nothing to say. You can argue he didn’t lie all you want, but JJ didn’t tell me the truth either. It’s not fair for you to ask me to get over it already,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I’m not asking you to get over it. What you choose to do with knowing JJ wants to talk to you is all on you, babe,” Bria says simply, but it’s not that simple.

I’m hurt, and I don’t know if I can trust him.

“How do you even know JJ wants to talk to me?”

She twirls the flower slowly, the delicate petals drawing my attention again. I’m having a really hard time believing Trent could have picked out this flower. “Because I talked to him.”

“When?” I ask, surprise getting the better of me. I shouldn’t care Bria talked to JJ.

Bria pops the lid on her water, taking a long sip. “I thought you didn’t care?” she muses, standing up and stretching.

Asher . It has to be because of Asher. Still, it doesn’t help with the jealousy brimming under my skin. I really shouldn’t care Bria saw JJ, but she needs to take a step back, or I might explode. I’m not an angry or brash person, and I don’t like carrying this much anger.

“I don’t,” I snap back because I do care, and I instantly feel bad for snapping at her when this time, she falls silent.

Bria’s pushing my buttons on purpose, but it’s what family does.

Bria’s as much my family as my own flesh and blood, and she’s always been blunt and outspoken, exactly like her mother, who also has no problem calling it like it is.

On the other end, I’m reserved like my parents.

I dry my hands off, exhaling softly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” I say, and Bria stands up, leaning against the counter next to me.

She smiles at me reassuringly. “Don’t be sorry, Mar. I’m trying to get a reaction out of you, because it proves me right. You have feelings for JJ, even if you’re trying to convince yourself not to have them.”

“So you haven’t talked to him?” I ask, and Bria grabs a spoon, dipping it in the remaining cookie dough.

“No, I have. We go running together in the mornings now.”

They run together now? What exactly has JJ said to her? Shit, is it bad I want to know?

“Is he okay?” I ask quietly.

“Honestly, we don’t talk about you, but JJ’s not subtle.

He wants to ask, but I think he’s trying to be respectful and wait for you to come to him.

He runs like the devil is hot on his heels, so take that however you will with how he’s doing.

Asher told me JJ knows he was wrong not to tell you right away, and he’d do everything differently if he could,” Bria says, and I’m not sure how I feel right now.

As if Bria can tell how conflicted I am, she continues, “I did learn another interesting bit from Asher, though. I guess since they’ve met freshman year, JJ hasn’t so much as looked at another girl because he’s been waiting to find you. ”

If anything, it only makes me feel worse because I waited for JJ too.

I waited until . . . I didn’t . I got in my head last year before I applied to Beaumont, and my friend, Leo, was with me.

I was stressed and sad—neither of which was a good reason to do it, but I still kissed him anyway.

One thing led to another, and it was awkward— oh my god, it was so awkward —we agreed to never, ever speak of it again.

Then I met Trent in April, and it had been two years by that point since I had seen JJ, so I tried to forget about the boy with vivid green eyes who asked me not to forget him.

I wish I had waited, because then we wouldn’t be in this mess.

The terrifying thing is how badly I do want to see JJ, and maybe it’s why I’m trying so damn hard to focus on how he didn’t tell me. Maybe I need to remind myself he’s human, and allowed to make mistakes, especially when it’s obvious he wasn’t hiding it maliciously.

I know I’m not entirely innocent, but I never crossed any lines. Being jealous of another girl talking to JJ and calling him to hang out is so different from fucking other girls while Trent and I were together.

“I—” The sound of a knock on the front door interrupts me, and I look at Bria in surprise. “Are you expecting anyone?”

“No, but if it’s Asher trying to make a romantic gesture, tell him I’m not here,” she says, retreating to the back of the apartment.

“Are you really hiding right now? Asher is like a golden retriever trapped inside a twenty-two year old,” I say, rolling my eyes as I walk to the door.

I open the door, expecting Asher to be on the other side, but instead it’s Trent, holding a bouquet of red roses, exactly like the rest of the bouquets up to this point. He thrusts them at me, stepping inside before I can slam the door in his face.

“Marley, babe, I’m so sorry. You have no idea how awful I feel.

I love you so much and I’ve been miserable without you, but I wanted to give you space so you’d see how much better we are together.

Those other girls meant nothing to me, and I can’t imagine being with anyone but you.

Please let me show you I’m different now.

Don’t throw away everything we’ve been building together because of a few mistakes. We can grow from this.”

“Like further apart?” I retort back, absolutely stunned by everything coming out of his mouth. “I saw exactly how you managed just fine with other girls, and it didn’t seem like there were any problems.”

“I made mistakes, but that’s all they were. Think of everything we could be if you just gave me another chance. I have never felt like this about anyone before, and I know you’re not going to end us over a couple mistakes, right?” he asks, and I can’t believe the audacity of Trent.

“I’m not giving you another chance, and it doesn’t matter how much space you give me. I’m not changing my mind. We’re over,” I say firmly, hoping Bria can hear all this.

And then Trent smiles at me. “You don’t mean that.”

I hear Bria laugh behind me while I stare at Trent, wondering how I could have been so blind to see past his bullshit.

“I actually do mean it, because if you truly want to be with me, you wouldn’t have looked twice at another girl, which means you either wanted to use me as a fuck buddy, or you wanted me for my last name.

I don’t really care to find out which one it is, but we’re done.

I want you to leave, and take those with you, because I want nothing to do with you.

Don’t send any deliveries or leave any at my door,” I say bluntly, and his jaw unhinges in surprise.

“I haven’t left any at your door. I was trying to give you space, so everything I’ve sent has been through a delivery service,” he says, ignoring the part where I said we’re done. My heart stutters in my chest, realizing the beautiful lavender rose Bria found at the door is JJ’s flower.

“It doesn’t matter. Please don’t send any others. You need to go,” I say, doubling down.

Trent’s jaw clenches, and I’m so ready to be done with him. “I think it does matter. Were you cheating on me?” he asks, and I shake my head.

“No. I never cheated on you. Get out,” I say firmly, and he attempts to cross his arms over his chest, but the obscenely large bouquet of flowers in his hands makes it difficult.

“I can’t believe you’re looking down on me like you’re so much better than I am, when you were doing the same thing.” Trent scoffs, tossing the flowers onto the couch.

“Marley told you to leave. Get the fuck out,” Bria says harshly, and his eyes widen in surprise as if he can’t believe she’s speaking to him this way.

It’s enough he backs up through the door, and I shut it, flipping the lock.

What the fuck just happened?

“You okay?” Bria asks, and I laugh in disbelief.

“Think there’s any chance I can forget I ever dated him?” I ask, and she wraps her arms around me.

“I can pretend to have the memory of a goldfish if it makes you feel better,” she says, hugging me.

“Actually, yeah, that would help,” I say, but my gaze is stuck on the purple flower sitting on the counter.

~

It’s midnight, and I still can’t fall asleep.

I’ve practically chewed my nails to nubs, and I’m sure I’ll be horrified in the morning by the state they’re in, but I’ve been lying here staring at the ceiling, waiting to fall asleep.

I don’t think it helps I’ve been replaying every moment with JJ in my head, starting from when I first met him, up until the present.

As annoying as Bria was this afternoon by refusing to let me hide from reality, I think she was right.

JJ technically never lied to me about Trent, and thinking back on it, JJ was very deliberate with what he said and when he chose to be silent.

What I can’t figure out is why he thought I wouldn’t believe him?

If I were to believe anyone, it would have been him.

I roll over, fluffing my pillow, but it’s no use. I can’t think hard enough to magically come up with the answers, so I might as well go straight to the source.

The phone rings only once before he answers, and instinctively, I hold my breath. “Hello?” he asks, his voice laced with sleep, and I instantly regret calling. Of course he was sleeping, he probably has morning weights, and it’s after midnight. “Marley?”

“Hi,” I say. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“Don’t apologize. Are you okay?” JJ asks, and my heart physically aches hearing his voice.

“Yeah.” I don’t know what to say now that we’re actually on the phone together.

I hear him yawn and the rustle of his sheets. “I’m really happy to hear from you, and I’m definitely not complaining, but you do know it’s the middle of the night, right?”

I spin the ring on my thumb, the hopefulness in his deep voice tugs at my heartstrings. “Why?” I blurt out. Until I have an answer, we have no shot of moving past this.

“Why what?”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you believe in me enough to know I would believe you?”

I hear him inhale, and I put the phone on speakerphone, resting it on the pillow. “Because I was afraid,” he admits, but I need more.

“Afraid of what?” I ask, pressing for specifics.

“From the moment I learned Trent had a girlfriend, which ironically was the same day you came over, I planned to tell her he was cheating. But then it was you, and I couldn’t believe I was finally in the same room as you until it dawned on me why we were in the same room again.

I was afraid if I told you, you would think I was trying to break you guys up, but on the flip side, I was afraid you’d be angry at me for not telling you. ”

A soft laugh of irony bubbles from me. “I am angry at you for not telling me.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell,” JJ muses. “I was coming back to tell you,” he says, and I recall how he walked out of the house with purpose.

“I think I needed time to process. I don’t know what I would have done if you had told me, but I still wish you had,” I say, pulling the blankets up over my shoulders. “I would have believed you,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry, Marley.”

“I know you are.”

“Is it a good sign you’re calling me?” he asks, the same anxiety I’m feeling bleeding into his normally confident tone, and if there were anything on my nails left, I’d be chewing them.

“I don’t know.” My answer is honest, despite knowing it’s not what he wants to hear.

“It’s okay. I want you to take all the time you need. I’m here whenever you need me, or even if you don’t need me. I’m here, Marley.”

His words cause a smile to form on my face, my brain finally quieting from the madness of trying to decipher everything.

“Goodnight, JJ,” I say, feeling a thousand times better than where I started the day.

“Goodnight, Marley,” he says, and I wait for him to hang up, but he doesn’t, and neither do I.

I fall asleep listening to the steady sound of JJ breathing.