Page 53 of Before You (Reckless Love #2)

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

JJ

MARLEY IS FAST asleep, curled into my side with her hands clutching my shirt like it’s her lifeline when my eyes flutter open. My head is clear—well, about as clear as it can be after telling my girlfriend I’m a drug addict, I guess.

I have a couple of texts from Asher, checking in to ask how the conversation with Marley went, and another from Hunter, asking if I’ve reconsidered transferring to Oceanside.

I’m not surprised I have nothing from Mira, but I’m hoping it’s because she’s angry at me and not because she’s trying to understand everything.

Maybe it’s selfish of me to keep it a secret from them, but I have no intention of telling my family about my addiction.

What good will it do? I’ll go to meetings and focus on my sobriety, but I can do it without making them feel worse than they already do because of Bailey.

I can’t be another source of heartbreak for my parents.

Carefully extracting myself from the hold Marley has on me, I make my way into the bathroom, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I hardly recognize the person staring back at me.

I wish the first thought in my head wasn’t one telling me to get the pills, and a follow-up one trying to seduce me into thinking everything will be fine if I do.

Splashing some water on my face, I hear Marley’s words echo through my head, You’re going to get better.

I feel guilty enough for asking Marley to bear the burden of carrying my secret, especially knowing how her mother’s addiction made her feel after what she told me about it in France.

There’s more for us to discuss, but it feels like some of the weight has lifted from my chest, making it easier to breathe already.

If she can still believe in me, maybe there’s still hope for me after all.

Marley is sitting up in her bed, rubbing her eyes when I step back in, the light from the bathroom casting enough of a glow for me to see the soft smile pulling at her lips. I love her smile. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Better,” I say, reclining into the pillows stacked on the side of her bed I’ve claimed as Marley moves closer, leaning into me. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“I’m not.”

I wrap my arm around her instinctively, tugging the blankets up over Marley. “It’s the middle of the night. You should be sleeping.”

“I could say the same about you, PP.” Marley sighs, the sound a gentle puff of air as she rests her head on my chest.

A short laugh escapes me. “I’m sorry, what did you just call me?” I ask, causing Marley to laugh as well.

“PP—short for Pillow Princess,” she explains through giggles, and I shake my head.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“So is the number of pillows you like to sleep with. We’re basically reclining, JJ.”

PP sounds like a bad dick joke. “Reclining into a cloud,” I correct, appreciating the lighter topic.

“Maybe if half of them weren’t intended to be used for decor, it would be like a cloud instead of an uneven lump of pillows,” Marley says and I feign a gasp, causing more of her laughter to fill the darkness.

“Take it back, sweetheart,” I warn, letting myself be in the moment instead of holding myself prisoner to the shackles of my guilt.

“Nope,” she teases, twisting to lie on top of me, her soft curves pressed perfectly against the ridges of my body. “I guess I should be thanking you for not stealing the covers. Maybe I’ll get you some better pillows for Christmas.”

“Getting to be yours is the greatest gift I could ask for, but in the same breath, I wouldn’t complain if you wanted to get better pillows.”

“My bank account has to be good for something so let me see what pillows I can find,” Marley says, pressing her lips to my quickening pulse. “Do you have a list or something?”

Honestly, it’s easy to forget who Marley is and the amount of zeros in her accounts until moments like this. “A list?” I ask, unsure what she’s asking for.

“Yeah, a list of one-liners, because the amount of times you have the perfect thing to say in the perfect moment can’t be a coincidence,” she says, and I’m grateful it’s the middle of the night so she can’t see the blush crawling up my whole neck and face.

Maybe it’s a good thing Marley doesn’t know about the letters.

“Nope, just spent too long wishing you were next to me, and now that you are, I’m going to make sure you know how appreciated you are,” I say, promising myself and Marley I will never take her love for granted.

“Do you know when you’re leaving for break?” Marley asks, causing my entire body to inadvertently tense.

We have Thanksgiving week off this year, but Hunter plays the rivalry game against Duke on Thanksgiving, and Henry against the Vegas Mambas on Black Friday before I’ll fly back Sunday.

I feel bad it does, but the thought of going home in less than a week to face my entire family threatens to paralyze me.

“I think Friday,” I say, feeling my throat tighten. I was awful to Mirabelle earlier, and all I can do is hope she doesn’t tell our parents. “How upset was Mira?” I ask, and when Marley hesitates before answering, it says everything I need to know.

“She was . . . she’s worried,” Marley says, and I hate how my anxiety spikes.

I would have preferred to hear that Mirabelle was so mad she threatened to sic Henry on me, but hearing she’s worried means she’ll ask questions.

I should’ve been more careful with my words because she’s not the type to let it go, especially after the way Mirabelle watched me during their visit after I snapped at her the first night.

“Do you think I could borrow your phone to call and apologize? I don’t think Mira will answer if I call from mine.”

“Are you sure she’s still awake?”

I’d be shocked if she weren’t awake. “Family of insomniacs, remember?” I try to joke, but it falls flat. Maybe I’ll be lucky and Mirabelle will be asleep, so I can apologize in a voicemail.

Marley rolls for her phone to unlock it for me, and the bright light is blinding since my eyes have already readjusted to the darkness.

“Do you want me to go?” she asks, and I love her for it, but I’m not sure I should be left alone for this conversation.

I’m not sure I should be alone for any difficult conversations for a while, so I swallow the lump in my throat to reach for her hand.

“Don’t let me run,” I whisper, and she grips my hand tightly.

Mirabelle proves me right, answering on the second ring. “Hey, I’m sorry I forgot to let you know I landed in Minnesota. I was trying to make it to Henry before his curfew. Have you talked to JJ?”

I clear my throat. “It’s me.”

“Oh.” Mirabelle’s tone is completely different now.

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you, JJ,” Mirabelle says, and I flinch, realizing it’s not better to be on the receiving end of my sister’s temper. It’s definitely what I deserve, though.

“Mira—”

“No,” she interrupts. “Seriously, fuck you. I understand how much it sucks to lose, but it doesn’t give you the right to speak to me the way you did.

You don’t get to just walk away after telling me I shouldn’t have come across the country to see you, and if you’re really apologizing, you can start by telling me what really happened when you hurt your knee. ”

Marley squeezes my hand, offering silent reassurance, and it means more than she’ll ever know. My heart rate slows, and I exhale a shaky breath. “I really am sorry, but there’s nothing to tell. You didn’t deserve to be the person I took my anger out on, and I wish I could take it back.”

“We’re family. You don’t walk away from family, okay?”

Her choice of words only reminds me of Bailey and the ugly secret I’m keeping.

“I won’t.”

“Promise me,” she says, her voice cracking,

“I promise,” I agree, hoping I can keep it.

By the time the call ends, my brain is screaming at me, begging for a reprieve.

Just one won’t kill you. It’ll make everything a little easier, and all this pain and agony will fade away.

“You okay?” Marley asks, breaking the silence as I shove the thoughts to the back of my head.

“No, but I’m hoping I will be,” I admit, seeking out the comfort holding her brings, and she settles against me once more.

“I know it’s not fair of me to ask this, especially at the last moment, but is there any way you’d want to come to North Carolina with me for break?

I-I need to find a way to tell my family about the call from Bailey, and I don’t .

. .” I trail off, feeling guilty for asking.

Her brother is supposed to be back from Italy, and I’m sure her family has shit planned.

“Actually, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. Forget I asked. ”

“Hey, don’t do that. If you need me there, I’ll be there,” she says, yawning, and I fold my arms around her again. “I love every part of you—especially the imperfect parts, JJ.”

Hearing this from Marley after she knows the truth means everything to me. “I love every part of you too, Marley,” I whisper, closing my eyes once more, finally beginning to see a way through the darkness.