Page 28 of Before You (Reckless Love #2)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Marley

LYING IN JJ’S arms, focusing on the steady rise and fall of his chest is the most relaxed I feel I’ve been in a while. One of the reasons Bria’s mom brought me on this trip was to give me a chance to breathe without feeling the weight of everyone’s attention on me.

Every couple of years, there’s rumors that pop up from a close source of our family claiming my mother has relapsed, and while I know they’re not true, they bring up awful memories for me of the last time she did.

I’m proud of my mom and the progress she’s made over the last six years, but it doesn’t get easier to hear the media speculate about her drug addiction.

“What are you thinking about?” JJ asks, the low timbre of his voice reverberating through me.

“Do you really want to know?” I ask, curling my fingers in the soft fabric of his shirt. It’s tempting to stay here forever—hiding in the mountains.

“If you want to tell me, but you don’t have to,” he says, and I want to laugh at how easy it is to be with him. It would be my luck I would meet the perfect guy, but somehow I have to be perfectly content with never seeing him again after tomorrow.

I’ve never told this story before. I haven’t needed to.

My circle of trusted friends in New York are all children of my parents’ friends, and they were all around then when it happened.

Everyone else knew what happened from the gossip magazines and countless articles detailing the worst day of my life thanks to the cleaning crew who saw everything after hearing me scream.

My dad was too busy scrambling for the Narcan he kept hidden away, hoping he’d never have a reason to use it, to send them home.

“It’s not a pretty story.”

JJ’s fingers twist through the ends of my hair. “Not all stories are. They don’t have to be perfect, but if it’s real, it doesn’t matter. The right people will still want to hear it.”

It’s a different side of him, and I guess I’ll know if he scares easily, but there’s something telling me JJ doesn’t. Being here with him feels like I’ve found something I never even knew was missing, and even if it’s only for tonight, I want to be myself.

“I was twelve when I walked into my parents’ bedroom and found my mom unconscious on the floor from a drug overdose.

She’s an addict, and she’d been clean for a really long time.

Mom aggravated an old injury, and didn’t want to take the time to rest, so she saw a doctor who prescribed her a couple pills without knowing her history, and that was that. ”

“I can’t imagine what that would have been like, especially at twelve. Is she doing okay now?”

“She is, but people like to bring up her worst moments to tear her down when everything is going well.” Maybe I should be used to people using my family’s pain as another way to get ahead, but it never gets easier.

I guess I haven’t grown thick enough skin yet.

“I feel like I’m right back in the moment, but my mom just smiles and shrugs it off like it doesn’t bother her.

Then I feel selfish letting it bother me when she doesn’t, but I don’t know how to pretend it doesn’t. ”

“Why do you have to pretend like it doesn’t bother you?” JJ asks, his voice a soothing rumble.

It’s a good question, but I don’t have an answer. “I’m not sure,” I admit. “I think because I don’t want her to feel like I’m worrying about her. I don’t doubt whether she can stay clean, but I do worry about her.”

“I think all it means is you love her, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

I lift my head to look at JJ, and I’m not sure how I ever could have thought going with him this morning would be a bad idea. In fact, it feels like I’ve found something I never even knew was missing.

“Thank you,” I whisper, and JJ tilts his head to look at me.

“For what?” he asks.

“For listening,” I say, curling my fingers in the fabric of his shirt to rest my head against JJ’s solid chest.

~

I can’t believe JJ walked in shirtless earlier. Once I got over the initial shock, I wanted to laugh, especially after Tessa whistled— because honestly, same —but the look on Grayson and Dad’s faces easily helped me repress the urge.

For the first time since I cut my hair shorter, I regret it. I did it for a change, but I’m starting to wonder if I did it for the wrong reasons. Looking in the mirror, I twist my fingers through the ends, and it’s healthy, but I wish I’d waited.

“Second guessing it?”

I turn, jolted out of my daydream to see Tessa leaning against my doorframe.

The corners of her mouth pull up into a smile as her grey eyes crinkle. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but I saw you pulling at your hair. I like it, but I’m sure it’s taking some getting used to.”

“No, you’re okay. I was just thinking about something.”

Tessa walks up behind me and rests her hands on my shoulders. It’s crazy how much Bria looks like her mother. “Like?”

“Our trip to France when we went to that tiny town in the mountains,” I admit, and confusion twists her striking face.

“Not that it wasn’t a great trip, but why are you thinking about it now?” she asks, pulling a dress the same green shade as JJ’s eyes off the bed and holding it up. “This is really cute. Are you going to wear that tonight?”

I shrug, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. “I’m not sure.”

“The dress or the trip?”

“Both? The trip just . . . I was reminded of it.”

Her eyes narrow in scrutiny, and I know I’m not making any sense. She one hundred percent knows something is up with me.

“We’ll have to go back. I love Italy with all my heart, but France is almost as beautiful—especially the countryside.

I bet I could get another commission from the artist, and we can bring Bria with us.

” Tessa smiles at me before carefully laying the dress flat on my comforter.

She runs her fingers over the smooth material, giving me a reprieve from her watchful gaze.

“Does this have something to do with the young man earlier?”

I look away to one of my favorite pieces of art hanging on my wall.

I didn’t want to leave it in my room at home so I insisted it come here with me.

It’s a painting of the night sky, and probably one of the least valuable pieces in my family’s collection, but it means the world to me because it reminds me of that night.

I’ve always loved the stars, but since then, they’ve held a special meaning.

No matter where I was in the world, I could look up and know JJ would be seeing the same stars. It was comforting when I had no idea where he was or how he was doing.

“Everything has to do with him,” I admit, my voice a whisper as I force the words out. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

She rests her hand on mine. “None of us do. Sweetie, I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. Some I wish I could take back and some I don’t regret, but all of it has led me to where we are now. That’s the beauty of life.”

“You’re right.”

“Obviously,” Tessa says, her quiet laughter lightening the air. “Do you feel better?”

“Kinda. I’m nervous about tonight. Do you think Dad will be nice to JJ?” I ask, and this time she snorts.

“Oh, hell no. He’s going to give him the third degree and rake him over the coals, but after the bullshit your last boyfriend pulled, I think it’s understandable.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I say, but I wish he was.

“ Yet ,” Tessa corrects. “He wouldn’t be subjecting himself to tonight if he didn’t have feelings for you.”