Page 11 of Before You (Reckless Love #2)

CHAPTER SIX

Marley

MY FINGERS STRUM over the guitar strings as I play the same melody again, trying to put words to it in my head.

I shake my head, glaring at the notebook open on the bed beside me. The page is blank and has been for a couple of weeks now. All I have for this new song is the melody.

A knock on my door startles me, and Bria pokes her head in. “Mar, you know I love you, but if I hear you play the same thing one more time, I might kill you.”

“Sorry, I’m stuck,” I say, not even caring if she can hear me play—that’s how frustrated I am. Before moving in, I would have been embarrassed if she could hear me playing, but now I’m using it as exposure therapy to take baby steps toward playing in front of others.

Bria falters, opening the door further to step in. “Is everything okay?” she asks, sitting next to me on the bed.

“Yeah, I guess.” I shrug and set my guitar down next to me. “Have you heard from Asher?” I ask, trying to sound upbeat, and she rolls her eyes.

“Of course, I heard from him,” she says, but she doesn’t hide the smile tugging at her lips very well.

“And?” I hug my knees to my chest, hoping to hear her say she’s giving Asher a chance.

“And what?”

Of course she’s going to be difficult about this. “Has Asher heard from you?” I ask, rephrasing my question to the one I should have asked.

“I haven’t decided if I’m going to respond,” Bria says, but I’m not sure if I believe her. She tilts her head to the side, watching me. “What’s on your mind?”

Everything. Nothing. JJ. Trent. JJ . Home.

“I honestly don’t even know. It’s probably why I’m struggling to put lyrics to the music. Sorry, I’m not trying to make you crazy.” I’m definitely making myself crazy, though.

“We both know I’m already crazy, but maybe talking about whatever it is might help you figure it out?

” she suggests, but I feel like if I say it out loud then it becomes real.

Bria sees right through my hesitation, immediately calling me on my bullshit.

“It’s JJ, isn’t it? He’s what you don’t know. ”

“We’re friends,” I protest. I’m awful.

“Is that what you want?”

“I’m with Trent.”

Bria shrugs, her dark hair slipping over her shoulder. “So? People break up all the time. Do you want to be with Trent?”

“Yes. I like him a lot.” Liar.

“I’ve heard you talk more about JJ since seeing him again than I’ve heard you talk about Trent the entire time you’ve been together. I’m honestly a little shocked you’re still dating after the way you looked at JJ when you realized Trent’s roommate was him,” she says.

“I was surprised,” I protest, but I don’t think she buys it for a moment.

“You were starstruck.”

“How else was I supposed to look after finally accepting I’d never see him again? I’ve moved on, Bria.”

“Have you, though? Because you fell in love with JJ after spending a day with him, and you’ve been with Trent for four months, and still can’t tell him you love him.”

It hurts to hear because I don’t want to hurt Trent.

I might not love him, but I do care for him.

I swallow my guilt, thinking about how his mother’s already dropping hints for our hypothetical future wedding.

“I’m not going to say I love him if I don’t,” I say, twisting my hair up into a bun to get it off my neck.

I feel like the walls are closing in, and the claustrophobia is getting to me.

“JJ still loves you,” she says, and I involuntarily shiver, thinking of how he looked like it caused him physical pain not to be next to me.

How tender his touch was when he brushed his thumb over my cheek before pulling away.

I didn’t want him to, but I know how unfair it is for me to even think it.

“Bria, I’m with Trent,” I repeat, swallowing the lump forming in my throat.

“So you keep saying.”

“I thought you liked Trent? It feels like you’re telling me to break up with him.”

Bria shakes her head. “No, I’m not telling you to do anything. I tolerate Trent because you like him, but right now, it feels like you’re trying to convince yourself you still like him.” She exhales, softening her voice. “It’s okay if you changed your mind.”

“That’s not . . .” I trail off, scoffing. It’s exactly what I’m doing. “Bria, just say whatever you’re hinting at.”

“I think JJ would make you happier, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear and believe it, so I’ll be ready to tell you again when I think you’ll listen to me. For now, you need to know it’s okay to not be with Trent. You deserve to be happy.”

I’m entirely taken aback, and I know she means well, but Bria’s right. I’m not ready to hear it.

“I’ll keep it down,” I say softly, unable to form a different response.

“Mar, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.

I’ve listened to you talk about JJ for almost three years, and I don’t want you to miss out on something great with him, because you’re settling for something mediocre with Trent,” she continues, reading me as I grab my guitar to hide how my hands are trembling.

“It’s okay, Bria. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m going to take a nap, but if you need anything, wake me up, okay?”

“Thanks.” I muster a short smile, but my mind is racing.

After Bria shuts the door behind her, I strum the melody again quietly, the words pouring from me, unlocked by something she said.

~

Trent grips my hand tightly as we walk around campus, enjoying the fresh air. He radiates this confidence I wish I had. He seems so sure about everything: football, school, us. I don’t know how he does it.

I’ve been doing my best to push what Bria said yesterday out of my head.

“What are you humming?” Trent asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“I’m humming?” I ask, looking up at him, shielding my eyes with my other hand. He was smart, grabbing sunglasses, but I left mine in my car.

He smiles, swinging our hands gently between us. “Yeah. The same tune over and over again. It’s cute.”

“Just something I heard on the radio,” I say, my cheeks warming. “How was football this morning?”

“I think we have a shot this season to make the playoffs. Everyone’s working really hard, but goddamn, Walker has had a stick up his ass lately.

He needs to get laid, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him even kiss a girl, let alone bring one home,” Trent says, but now I’m lost. Who are we even talking about?

“Walker?”

Trent chuckles, his dimples popping. “Sorry, JJ. Walker is his last name, and what we all call him.”

Of course we’re talking about JJ, who is the one person I shouldn’t be talking about.

“Oh,” I say, my head spinning. “I thought I saw him talking to a girl at the party last week?” I ask, despite knowing I shouldn’t touch this topic with a ten-foot pole.

“I’m not sure what his deal is. Sometimes I think he could be gay, but I’ve never seen him show any interest in anyone, and it’s not like he hasn’t had plenty of opportunities.

Usually, he has a good sense of humor, but he’s been keeping to himself, snapping at things that wouldn’t have bothered him a month ago. ”

That doesn’t sound at all like JJ. “I wonder what changed,” I say, as someone waves at Trent. I should be changing the topic again, but now all I can think about is that morning in the kitchen with JJ. He seemed fine to me. I wonder if something happened with his brother since then?

“What if we set up JJ and Bria?” Trent asks, and my foot catches on a crack on the sidewalk, sending me pitching forward. Trent reacts quickly, catching me before I can fall flat on my face. “Woah, are you good?” he asks, his brown eyes scanning over me quickly with concern.

I laugh nervously, forcing a smile. “I wasn’t looking at the ground, so thanks for catching me.”

There is absolutely no way Trent thinks it’s a good idea to set Bria and JJ up. Aside from JJ being . . . JJ, Asher made it pretty clear he’s very interested in Bria.

“Always,” Trent says, smiling warmly at me. I lean up on my tiptoes, kissing him, catching him by surprise. I should have butterflies exploding in my chest . . . but perhaps the butterflies are as confused as I am. “What was that for?” he asks, brushing my hair out of my face.

“Am I not allowed to kiss you?”

He wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer. “You can kiss me anytime you’d like, babe.”

“Good to know,” I tease, trying to recover.

Trent kisses the side of my head, and I can feel myself relax a little, the sun shining warmly on us.

“So what do you think?”

I tense, looking up at him. “Think about what?”

“JJ and Bria.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I say slowly, my stomach twisting.

“Why not? They’re both single, and I’m sure he’d play even better than he is now if he’s getting laid.”

Is he serious? I untangle myself from underneath his arm, my stomach twisting in disgust. “Why do you have to keep saying it like that? It’s gross, Trent,” I say, and I can tell by his expression he wasn’t expecting me to have a reaction.

“Bria’s my best friend, and she can decide for herself who she wants to hook up with, just like JJ.

Maybe you could talk to him instead of assuming he needs to get laid to relax. ”

This isn’t at all how the Trent I met this summer acted and spoke. It’s like coming here has brought out different versions of us, and I’m not sure I recognize either of us anymore.

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry,” Trent apologizes, looking around almost like he’s nervous. What is he looking for?

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I say, dragging my hands over my face.

“Babe, there’s nothing wrong with you. I shouldn’t have said any of it.”