Page 42 of Before You (Reckless Love #2)

I drag a hand through my hair, still damp from my shower in the locker room.

“Oxy,” I mumble, nearly choking on the truth.

“I don’t take them very often. It’s just what I have left over from my surgery.

” Lies. I’ve lost track of how many refills I’ve managed to secure.

At some point they’ll probably stop writing the prescriptions, but as long as I say the right things and I have cash, I haven’t had a problem yet.

“Do you think I’m stupid? Your surgery was last December.” Asher’s eyes widen after realizing what he’s said, and white hot shame floods every fiber of my being as his face softens. “JJ, have you really been taking that shit since December?”

“I . . . I can stop,” I whisper, feeling pathetic even trying to claim I can, because if I could, wouldn’t I have stopped already?

“Can you?” he asks, and I never wanted to know what it felt like to have someone look at me the way my best friend’s looking at me now.

“You’re not . . . you aren’t going to tell anyone, right?”

“You should tell your family. They can get you help,” he says, but I shake my head.

“No. I’m done. I’ll get rid of them. Please, Asher, I can’t tell them. Not with Bailey still gone,” I say, the panic rising in me at the thought of them knowing how not okay I am. “Please,” I beg, and he stares at me for a moment with an unreadable expression before slowly nodding.

“You’ll get rid of them?”

“I’ll get rid of them,” I promise, but I can tell he’s hesitant to agree.

“All of them,” he says, leaving no room for argument.

“All of them,” I agree, knowing time is running out on how long my family will wait before coming to find where we are. I’d rather they not find us in the middle of this conversation.

“I don’t like this,” he says, and I take a shallow breath.

“That makes two of us.”

~

My family and Marley relaxed once they saw I was perfectly fine, and I hate how my brain immediately used it to justify taking the pills.

Not even swimming in the pool at the house my parents rented for the weekend has helped me relax, but it’s probably because I haven’t been able to look away from Marley in her lilac bikini.

It’s about the only thing distracting me from the conversation with Asher after the game.

The water doesn’t sing to me the same way it does to Mira and Hunter, but it’s a soothing familiarity helping to ease some of the anxiety in my chest.

Dad is grilling as Hunter and Asher take turns jumping off the diving board to see who can make the bigger splash. Henry’s supposedly judging, but I’m not sure he’s actually paying attention because the last few jumps have all been a five out of ten.

Marley is sitting in the water on the stairs with my mom and Mirabelle talking about Mira’s ideas for the wedding. I think it’s hilarious to even ask if she has any ideas considering she’s been planning her wedding to Henry since kindergarten, but it’s whatever.

I’ve noticed Asher keeping an eye on me, but he’s been subtle enough about it that no one else has noticed, or at least, no one’s said anything.

“Four,” Henry says, his tone flat as he takes a sip of his beer, and Hunter glares at him.

“It was bigger than the last one,” Hunter argues as Asher grins.

“I can make it a three if you want me to re-evaluate my score?” Henry counters, and Hunter swims to the edge of the pool, pulling himself out without further complaint. “Why the hell did they ask me to judge this?” he grumbles, shaking his head.

“No idea. I’m just glad they didn’t ask me,” I say, laughing as my attention is pulled back to the brunette with ocean eyes and a smile brighter than the sun.

“You doing okay?” Henry asks, his voice quiet as water sprays the side of my face from Asher jumping in.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I counter, maintaining my poker face better this time than I did with Asher earlier. It helps I have sunglasses on now, though.

He shrugs, leaning against the edge of the pool. “I just want you to know it’s okay if you’re not.”

“My knee’s fine,” I say, dragging a wet hand through my hair.

“Not talking about your knee, but I’m glad it is,” he says, and I can’t have this conversation for a second time today. “I mean up here,” Henry clarifies, tapping a finger to the side of his head. “It’s not fair you get all the pressure of being the only one B talks to.”

“It is what it is,” I say, trying to gauge if there’s an underlying meaning to this I’m not catching on to.

“It’s not, JJ. I know they all think it, but if they haven’t said it, thank you for answering when he calls. I’m sure it’s not easy.”

“He’s my brother.”

Henry’s smile is sad as he adjusts his shades. “I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told Mira—he’s your brother, but you’re not his keeper.”

“What are you saying? I shouldn’t answer when he calls?” I ask, my anxiety trembling at the idea of letting it go to voicemail.

“No. I’m saying regardless of how this all shakes out, you’re not responsible for Bailey’s choices,” he says as Hunter hits the water with a smack, the rotation of his flip too slow, and my back stings watching it happen.

Mirabelle laughs from the end of the pool, and I hear Marley’s quieter one join in.

“Hunt, I’m not even going to dignify that with a rating.

Do better,” Henry says after Hunter surfaces.

“My name’s Henry and I got my degree in English so I can use big words no one understands,” Hunter mocks, causing Henry to chuckle.

“If you don’t know what the word dignify means, maybe you should read more instead of insulting my degree. Aren’t you getting a little old to throw temper tantrums?” Henry asks, his tone teasing.

I slip under the water for a moment, popping up in time to hear Hunter’s response. “Aren’t you getting old in general?”

Henry laughs, the sound a full belly one. “Kaitlyn’s rubbing off on you,” he says, a rare full smile showing, and I shake my head.

“Better than rubbing him off,” Asher quips, too busy laughing at his own joke to see how Henry’s expression changes, but I do. Holy fuck, please tell me he didn’t just say what I think I heard.

Hunter’s face turns flaming red, and he gapes at Asher while my eyes nearly bug out of my head.

My best friend’s smile fades, finally realizing how everyone is looking at him. “What?” he asks, but no one says anything, too stunned to speak. Shit, I better not be guilty by association. “Obviously, I stuck my foot in my mouth, but it’s a joke.”

Mirabelle coughs, trying to cover up her laugh. “Um, yeah, a joke you just made about Henry’s little sister giving her boyfriend a hand job.”

“Oh my god, sometimes I hate being in this family,” Hunter says, dragging a hand over his face as he walks to the cooler by the grill where our dad is shaking his head, laughing silently.

“His girlfriend is your sister?” Asher’s head snaps to look at Henry, his face paling. “Would it help if I said sorry?”

“No, it really wouldn’t,” Henry says, his jaw flexing as he crosses his arms over his chest. “How about you don’t talk about my sister in general.”

“Great advice.”

“Dinner’s ready,” Dad calls out, and I bet Asher’s wishing it were done a few minutes ago. I take the seat next to Marley, reaching it only a second before Mirabelle does. I stick my tongue out at Mira as she rolls her eyes, plopping into the seat next to Dad instead as Henry grabs another beer.

“Did you really just stick your tongue out at your sister because you got to sit by me?” Marley asks, her eyes glimmering in the sunlight.

“Absolutely, sweetheart,” I say, leaning over to kiss her cheek chastely as her cheeks flush.

“Henry used to be the one stuck in the middle,” Mom teases, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiles.

“Apparently I’m old news now, haven’t you heard?” Henry says, the dry tone causing Dad to laugh.

“You’re not old news, babe,” Mirabelle says.

“If Henry’s considered old, your father is ancient then,” Mom says, winking at Dad.

I can feel Asher’s gaze lingering on me, and he’s going to make it too damn obvious something’s up.

“Maybe let’s hold off on arguing so we don’t overwhelm Marley?” Dad suggests, setting down the plate piled high with hamburger patties and hot dogs.

“It’s okay, really. I love this,” Marley says, and I feel my whole heart melt at the idea of her fitting in with my family. It’s one thing to hope they’ll get along, and another thing to actually see it happen.

“Us arguing?” I ask, snagging a patty to set on my open bun. Marley really is one in a million if she can see the arguing for what it really is— love .

“Yeah. It reminds me of me and my brother with Bria,” she says, her smile taking my breath away.

“Just wait till you come visit back home. It feels like all we do with each other is argue, but it used to be worse when Bailey was there. He and Mira would go at it until they were blue in the face,” I say, chuckling at the thought.

The only response is silence, and my throat seizes, choking me as I realize what’s slipped from my mouth. My parents’ smiles fade, and Mirabelle’s eyes fill with tears.

No, I wouldn’t have— except I did.

Marley’s hand finds mine, squeezing. “I’d love to visit,” she adds, her voice seeming to shake everyone from their spells, and Mom’s smile looks forced.

“You’re welcome anytime, honey. We have plenty of room.” She clears her throat, standing up from the table as my stomach fills with guilt. “I’m sorry, I’ll be right back.”

Dad doesn’t bother apologizing before following inside after her, and I can’t believe I was so careless I would say his name in front of them.

“If you think her reaction to hearing his name is bad, try being the identical twin and knowing everyone is wondering what Bailey looks like now when they look at you. They can’t even look at me sometimes without tearing up,” Hunter says bluntly, and no one says anything because there’s nothing to say.