Page 55 of Beautiful Trauma
We all lifted out glasses and said, “Cheers.”
We were too full for dessert, so Simone insisted we take home the razzleberry pie she’d made even though Paul pouted.
“You’re not getting my vanilla bean ice cream,” he said fiercely.
Ezra laughed. “We’ll stop by the grocery store on our way home and get some.” Then he turned to me. “Unless you prefer whipped cream instead.” I lifted my brow in surprise because he’d asked instead of assumed.
“I like either one.”
“You’ll also want some English muffins for the jam,” Simone said. “There’s no better way to start your morning than coffee and a muffin with this stuff on it.”
Ezra’s hand ghosted over my ass, but they couldn’t see it from where they stood on the opposite side of the kitchen island. His gesture said he could think of at least one thing better than food to start his morning.
Simone refused our offer to help clean up, volunteering Paul instead. He groused, but it was all in good fun. They walked us out to Ezra’s car when he announced we needed to get going. Simone pulled me into a lingering hug.
“It was so nice to meet you, Henry. I’m so glad we sucked at setting up our son on dates.”
I laughed hard. “I’m happier about that than you are.”
Simone released me so she and Paul could trade places. Ezra’s dad squeezed me tight enough to crack a rib. “That’s debatable,” he said. “Nothing feels better than seeing your kid happy. You keep him in line, Henry. Know when to buckle beneath the glare and when to hold your ground.”
Ezra laughed and said, “He already has that down to a science.”
A full belly and happy heart made me sleepy on the ride home, but I fought it off. Ezra had given me the most precious gift—time with his parents and a glimpse at how a family should act. Ezra knew bits and pieces about my life, but he didn’t know the full story. He had patiently waited for me to be ready. That time had arrived.
I waited until we were back at our favorite place inside his condo—the glorious tub. Maybe Ezra instinctively knew I was ready to come clean to him, and he ran a bath because he knew it would comfort me. Or maybe he knew speaking the words out loud would make me feel dirty. Either way, it was exactly where I needed to be. Once I was in my favorite position—sitting on his lap with my arm and legs wrapped around him—I began to speak.
“Our backgrounds couldn’t possibly be more different, and I’m not just talking about the wealth. Your parents are so obviously in love with each other. It’s just beautiful to witness.” I released a sappy smile that Ezra couldn’t resist kissing. “My father was an overbearing, loudmouth drunk. A very mean one at that. They screamed and fought every single day.” Ezra stiffened and held me tighter. “My father never laid a hand on me, Ezra, but he didn’t have to. God, he was so scary.” Just thinking about his thunderous roars made me shiver.
Ezra kissed my forehead. “I got you, baby.”
“He died of sclerosis of the liver when I was ten. It was the first time I took an easy breath in the house, but the lessons he instilled in me didn’t die with him. Disobeying my mother was out of the question. She turned deeper into her faith for solace, becoming a person I didn’t recognize, which made me feel even more alone. I wanted to earn her affection and get her attention, so I worked harder at becoming the perfect child. Nothing was ever good enough, and I never got space from her because I was homeschooled. My only approved outings were to church and church events where she or other parents supervised us. I didn’t start to rebel until I discovered how much I liked boys.” I smiled at the memory then grinned when Ezra growled a little.
“I think you know the rest. I got a little wild at bible college of all places. Discovered a dating app and got reckless.” My lips started to tremble, so I concentrated on centering myself and bringing my emotions under control. “I’ve learned a lot in therapy this past year, and I’m much stronger, but there are always going to be certain triggers or situations that send me to a dark space. Being my boyfriend won’t always be easy, and I carry a lot of baggage. Sometimes I feel like it’s too much. How could you want me when my own mother didn’t?”
Ezra leaned forward and rubbed his nose against mine. “It’s simple, Henry. She’s a fool; I’m not. Give me all your baggage, I’m stronger than I look.”
“Are you sure you want to hear the rest?”
“I do.”
I took a few more breaths and pilfered a few more kisses before I found my courage to repeat the words I tried desperately to forget. I needed to purge them from my system. By the time I finished recounting the final day with my mom, Ezra was crying right along with me.
Then he picked up my favorite sponge and lovingly wiped away the shame, remorse, and ick the words made me feel. When he finished, Ezra cupped my face and stared into my eyes. “Henry, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Can you do that?” I nodded. “You are a miracle. You are beautiful. You have the purest heart. I’m grateful for the day you were born, because living in a world where you don’t exist is unacceptable.”
And because Ezra said it, I believed it.
ICHECKED MY PHONE FORthe fifth time while waiting for my department meeting to start. Still no response from Henry. I knew he’d picked up an extra shift at Mamma Maria’s after his group therapy session to cover for someone on vacation, but I couldn’t imagine the pizza place was so slammed he couldn’t check his phone. I’d sent my message nearly two hours ago and was starting to get worried about him. It wasn’t like Henry not to respond. I controlled my breathing to combat the irrational fear rising inside me. He probably forgot to charge his phone, and the battery died.
Knowing I would feel better if I could just hear his voice, I stood up to step out into the hallway and call the landline for the pizzeria. I turned and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a man walking toward me with a purposeful stride. “Pres?” I asked in disbelief. “Is that really you?”
“In the flesh,” he said, smiling from ear to ear. I hadn’t realized how much I missed his charming British accent, his sparkling blue eyes, and devilish grin until they were aimed at me. “If you would’ve bothered listening to your messages, you would have known the university hired me as a guest lecturer for this year.” Pres opened his arms, and I stepped into them.
“Guilty,” I said sheepishly, returning his tight hug. “I’ve been a little preoccupied lately.” Images from the previous night flashed in my brain. Henry had been nervous about topping for the first time, but after some initial fumbling, he’d made love to me so sweetly it had left me speechless. I was desperate to see him and hold him again, which was why I kept checking my phone.
“I bet I can guess why,” Pres returned, noting the way my mind had strayed away. “Are you free for drinks after the department meeting or are you otherwise preoccupied?”
“I, um…” I didn’t know the answer because Henry hadn’t responded to me. My phone buzzed in my hand, and I was relieved to see my boyfriend was texting me back. I sat back down in the seat I’d vacated, and Pres took the chair next to mine.