Page 22 of Beautiful Trauma
“See,” I said gesturing to his tight body with both hands. “You react this way every time I mention another guy. Do you hate the idea of me with another man?”
“I do,” he admitted.
“I thought you said you weren’t a cruel monster.”
Ezra released a long, shaky breath. “I’m not a monster, nor am I a liar. Knowing I can’t have you isn’t the same as not wanting you. If you don’t want me to admit I hate the idea of another man touching you, then don’t ask those types of questions.”
Growling in frustration, I turned my back and took a few steps away from him. I needed room to breathe and think, which was impossible when I was within touching distance of him. “I think I hate you, Ezra.”
I expected him to respond quickly, and when he didn’t, I turned around and faced him once more. His dark eyes had lost their spark, and the pallor of his skin shocked me. The idea of me hating him had affected Ezra deeply. Needing to clear the air, I sighed and returned to stand in front of him. Knowing that touching him would be a mistake didn’t stop me from doing it anyway. I placed my hand on his crisply pressed shirt and felt his heart pounding in his chest.
“I didn’t mean what I said, Ezra. It was a childish thing to say. I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated by the circumstances.”
Ezra accepted my apology with a nod. I expected him to remove my hand or step away from my touch, but he didn’t. I wanted to press my advantage by caressing the firm flesh beneath my palm, but I didn’t. “Is that why you’re not eating, sleeping, or attending my classes?” he asked, breaking the silence.
“I’m eating and sleeping,” I said. “I’m having a hard time adjusting to my new busy schedule. Working two jobs and—”
“Two jobs?” Ezra asked.
“I missed the deadlines to apply for some grants and scholarships offered through the school, so I work as a personal assistant for a lawyer during the day, and I pick up shifts downstairs a few hours during the week and on weekends to make some extra money.”
“You can’t sustain this kind of pace for long, Henry. You’re burning your candle at both ends. When was the last time you ate?”
“I don’t need you to rescue me.”
Ezra stepped closer, trapping the hand still resting on his chest between us. He gripped my hips hard and possessively. “We all need rescuing once in a while.” My mouth parted, allowing a silly sigh to escape. I’d missed his hands on my body so much. Ezra stared at my mouth so long I expected him to lower his head and kiss me, but instead, Ezra stepped back and dropped his hands from my hips. “You’re run-down, and that’s not good for you. Are you taking your medication properly? Have you been to the doctor to have your viral loads checked?”
He and Jessie would make one hell of a nag tag team. She’d taken one look at me when she arrived home off her tour and freaked the hell out. “You sound like you’re familiar with HIV complications.”
“You’re not the first person I’ve met who is positive, Henry. Mistreating your body by not eating and not sleeping is asking for complications you don’t need. It will make you more susceptible to colds and—”
“Enough, Ezra. I went to the clinic yesterday and got checked out.” As annoyed as I was by him trying to be a father hen, I admired that he didn’t back down from the reality of my situation. The only people in my life who weren’t afraid to bring it up were Des, Jess, and my friends at Ryan’s Place. Everyone else, including Geoff, pretended like I didn’t have a virus that I would have to manage for the rest of my life. “I promised my doctor I will do better at managing my time and stress, and I will. I’m great at organizing, so I just need to stop chasing my tail and sort things out.”
“I’m glad to hear it, but you didn’t answer my question.”
Confused, I tipped my head to the side while I replayed our conversation.Oh!He meant the question about when I last ate. I didn’t want to tell him the truth because it would only make him mad and lecture me even more. “I ate earlier.” It wasn’t a lie.
“I would ask you to define ‘earlier,’ but I won’t waste time or energy.” Ezra pulled out his phone and started tapping on it.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m ordering you dinner to be delivered here. I’ll order enough for two, so your hellcat can join you.” Ezra glanced up from his phone. “You had a fun time at my expense over Jessie, didn’t you?”
“I did,” I admitted with a shrug. Ezra’s scowl made me grin. “Don’t ask if you don’t want to hear the truth.”
“Touché.” Ezra returned to tapping on his phone. “I don’t want to hear any protesting from you either. You’re going to enjoy this dinner then get a good night’s sleep. I want you to email me tomorrow morning so we can work out a time to meet.”
“To discuss the classes I missed?” I asked.
“That, among other things regarding your academic future. It’s obvious to me how important earning a degree is to you, and I want to find ways to help you. I can’t promise you anything, but…”
“Ezra, would you do this for any other student?”
He slipped his phone back inside his pocket and looked me dead in the eyes. “No.” I wasn’t sure I liked his honesty. I didn’t want to be his charity case. “I would offer encouragement, of course, but I’d refer them to a counselor or someone in the financial assistance department. Our situation is different.”
“How so?”
“Because I like you, Henry. You are a person who deserves wonderful things, and I want you to have them. I don’t know enough about my other students to say the same thing.”