Page 5 of Beautiful Trauma
My heart raced, my face heated, and a cold sweat broke out all over my body. This part never got easier, and I didn’t think the rejection that followed would either. Even though my viral loads were virtually undetectable after months on medication, I would never dream of hiding the truth from a potential sexual partner. “I’m positive.”
“Positive it’s not a good idea? Just a second ago you weren’t sure. Did I come on too strong? Oh, my nibbling comment was too lame, wasn’t it?” Ezra’s words expressed insecurity, but it didn’t match the confident, knowing expression in his eyes. He wasn’t making jokes about it; he was trying to make it easier for me or giving me a way out.
“The nibbling wasn’t lame, and I really want to be your late-night snack, but there’s something you should know first.” I worried my lip between my teeth for a second.
Ezra confidently cupped the back of my neck and slowly lowered his head to mine for a kiss. I had plenty of time to step back from his gentle hold or tell him no, but I wanted his kiss more than I’d wanted anything.
The touch of Ezra’s lips against mine was soft and tender, but it still sent an explosion of lust and need spiraling through my body. It had been too long since someone had touched me, and no one had ever made me feel as cherished as he had in the middle of a crowded dance floor with techno music thumping through speakers and bodies thrashing together all around us. Then his tongue slid through my parted lips to tease mine. It was a miracle my body hadn’t melted at his feet along with my resistance.
“Miss… I’m sorry, what’s your name?” Ezra picked up a piece of paper from the lectern, which I guessed was the class roster. “Maybe I should’ve taken a roll call first, but I’ve learned my intro usually scares away the people who signed up for my class for the wrong reasons.”
“I’m Emily Thompson, Mr. Meyer.”
“It’s Dr. Meyer, Miss Thompson,” Ezra corrected. “I want you to look around the room and tell me what you see.”
She was silent for a minute, and I presumed she was looking around the room, but I remained facing forward and didn’t know if she was following orders or engaging in a stare-down with Ezra. “I see people.”
“Not disabled people, old people, or infected people?” he countered.
“Um, well no one looks old in here, but it’s not always obvious if someone is disabled or has a sexually transmitted infection.”
“I’ll stand in for the older people in this scenario,” Ezra said, earning a few chuckles. “If it’s not possible for you to tell upon sight what’s going on with someone, maybe you should think before you speak so you’re not insulting a person you don’t even know. You don’t know how a person arrived at this point in their life, and you’re in no position to judge them or look down on them.”
Most people would’ve shut up, happy to escape the encounter mostly unscathed, and allowed the professor to get on with his lecture, but there was always at least one idiot in every class. Guess who it was.
“Excuse me,Dr. Meyer,” Emily Thompson said, disdain dripping from her tongue. “I wasn’t judging or looking down on anyone. I was merely saying I wasn’t looking forward to those particular study units.”
“I don’t think you’re a good fit for this class, Miss Thompson. It would be wise if we parted ways.”
“You’re kicking me out of class?” she asked incredulously.
“I’m stating I don’t think you’re right for this class, and I’m suggesting you reconsider taking it. There will be case studies, field trips, and perhaps personal testimony from people in this room who won’t deserve the eye roll and scornful tone you’ve exhibited.”
Field trips?I wasn’t sure what to think about that, but my pervy mind conjured up Ezra teaching the class tantric sex using me as his demonstration partner.
“Don’t move a muscle, Henry. Just feel me. Feel how hard you make me. Feel the way my dick is pulsing inside your tight ass.”
“You’re an arrogant asshole, Dr. Meyer. I will officially withdraw from the class, and I’ll be sure to pass along my thoughts on your teaching method to the dean.”
“Are you aware the dean of this community college is a disabled, older woman you’ve unknowingly mocked with your derision today?” Ezra fired back.
“Come on, Jen. We’re out of here.”
“No, Em. I not only need this class, but I also want to take it,” her friend said calmly. “I’ll call you later, after you’ve had a chance to cool off.”
“Don’t bother.” Miss Emily Thompson scooted her chair back so fast, it screeched against the linoleum and toppled backward. Then she stomped out of the room and slammed the door loud enough to rattle the windows.
Ezra just smirked and shook his head. “Is there anyone else who feels this class isn’t for them? Now is the time to make a peaceful exit.” He looked around the room, and I felt the same shiver of awareness I had when he entered the classroom and I heard his voice again for the first time in six months. “Let’s get started then. I’ll start with a roll call to put faces with names.”
My mind started to wander again when he called off the names, but I reeled it back in. Emily’s outburst had killed my boner, so I needed to focus on something other than memories of the night I spent in Ezra’s apartment, or I’d be right back in the same embarrassing place.
“Sullivan, Henry,” Ezra said. No inflection in his voice to indicate he knew what my orgasm face looked like. I raised my hand. “Good to meet you, Henry,” he said, just as he’d done with every other student.
“Let’s get started; shall we?” Ezra pulled a pair of rectangular, black-rimmed glasses from his briefcase and put them on, somehow making him look even sexier. The girl in front of me started to squirm a bit in her chair.I feel it too, girl.“What is human sexuality?” he asked, oblivious to the heat he stirred inside me. “Oh, you thought I was asking a rhetorical question,” he said, smiling at his silent class. “I’m looking for a volunteer to tell me what human sexuality is?”
“Which part?” Drake, my ginger tablemate, asked. “The developmental, the physical, or the emotional?”
“Bingo,” Ezra said. “While most of you associate human sexuality with the act of sexual intercourse, the term has a much broader scope. Today, we begin discussing the psychological aspects. I’m going to ask you to get in tune with your feelings. I know how much some of you will hate that. Since most of you are probably seeking a sociology degree with plans to counsel others, you’ll need to excavate your own feelings before you can guide others to do the same thing.” He paused when a few students chuckled. “What are the ranges of emotions one associates with human sexuality, and I mean the broad term, not just sexual intercourse?”