Page 18 of Beautiful Trauma
Ezra cupped my face and traced his thumb along my jaw. “I don’t think you do.”
“Then enlighten me, Ezra. Isn’t that what professors are supposed to do? Tell me what’s so wrong with me.”
“Sweet Henry,” he said gently, “the fault lies with me. You’re too good for someone as jaded as I am.” I didn’t believe him and had planned to tell him so, but he placed his finger over my lips. “The answer is no.”
I saw the conviction in Ezra’s eyes and knew he’d made up his mind. Him pinning me up against the door and kissing me until I was drunk on his taste was a temporary slip of control that would never happen again. It was his sordid goodbye, perhaps.
“Goodbye, Ezra,” I said, stepping forward so I could open the door and escape his penetrating gaze. My words sounded formal and final, not the tone and temperament you’d expect from someone you planned to see the following night.
“I’ll see you tomorrow night, Henry.”
Leaving the cramped space was awkward and impossible to do without bumping into him, but I did so as quickly as I could with the least amount of touching. I plastered a smile on my face when I returned to the table of friends who’d gathered to help me celebrate. I felt Ezra’s presence when he reentered the dining room, but I didn’t look up or acknowledge him for the rest of the meal. I tuned in to the conversations around me and tried my best not to let anyone see how rattled I felt.
After dinner, Geoff drove me across town to the pizzeria. “You want to tell me what happened between you and the professor in the bathroom stall?”
“No,” I said. “I was hoping you were so distracted by your flirting with Des that you hadn’t noticed.”
“I wasn’t flirting with Des and stop trying to deflect the conversation,” Geoff said.
“There is nothing to deflect because nothing happened, Geoff.”
My best friend sighed. “Henry, I hope you know what you’re doing with this guy.”
“I’m not doing anything with him, so you have nothing to worry about.”
I must’ve sounded convincing because Geoff let it drop without further comment. We promised to have lunch later in the week when he dropped me off. I was pulsing with nervous energy and had no one to talk to with Jessie still on the road. Rather than go up to my apartment to overthink things for hours, I headed to Mamma Maria’s kitchen to put the energy to good use. The internal debate and decision to drop Biology of Human Sexuality could wait until I wasn’t feeling so raw.
THE ENCOUNTER WITHHENRY PLAYEDin my mind on an endless loop. His assertiveness had struck a chord, awakening something deep and primal inside me. While I liked the blunt way Henry spoke to me and boldly maneuvered me into the private stall, I loved the way he submitted to me when I regained control of the situation. I didn’t think Henry was even aware of the needy moans that had escaped him when we kissed. Fuck! He’d practically melted into my arms, and it was addictive.Hewas addictive.
After I’d rejoined my dinner party, I tried my best to avoid looking in his direction but couldn’t seem to stop myself from glancing over on occasion. Not once did I catch Henry sneaking glances at me, and if I hadn’t known better, I would’ve thought he completely put me out of his mind. I did know better because there was no way thisobsessionwas one-sided. I’d felt the way he reacted in my arms—the heat of his arousal radiating off his body and his erection pressing against me. Henry knew I was there, he felt the same pull as I did, but he resisted it.
Henry: 1
Ezra: 0
No amount of listening to music, watching television, or reading books could distract me from the war raging inside my mind, body, and soul. Henry dominated my every thought, and I didn’t like it. Only one man had ensnared me so, and it ended in a fucking disaster which had made me the cynical man who pushed lovers away before an attachment could develop. I hadn’t regretted strings-free encounters until Henry.
Henry: 2
Ezra: 0
The next morning, I woke up determined to put Henry out of my mind and knew staying busy would be the biggest key to accomplishing the goal. I normally took a solid six to eight weeks off each summer to travel and see the world, but teaching the summer class at the community college put a damper on that. While I had commitments at the college four days a week, they weren’t enough to occupy all of my time. Summer enrollment was much lower than the normal school year, so I only taught six classes each week—half of my usual students and classes. I had too much free time on my hands. I could only handle so much golf and tennis at the country club with my parents before I lost my mind. All my friends worked during the day, so I couldn’t rely on them to distract me from making a huge mistake. Well, one of them worked at home and set his own schedule and might be willing to take pity on me.
“Why are you calling me in the middle of sex?” Ryder said when he answered his phone.
Smiling at his annoyance, I said, “I’m not having sex. I don’t think you are either or you wouldn’t have answered the phone.”
Ryder snorted. “Of course not. Lucien is still out of town.”
“Then who exactly am I interrupting?”
“Jeremy and Rosco,” Ryder said with an exaggerated voice that had to have included an eye roll.
“Are you counseling them or something?” I asked, playing dumb. At least annoying my friend kept my mind busy while entertaining me.
“So you did tune me out when I droned on and on about my book characters over pizza the other night,” Ryder said wryly. “Don’t feel bad; it happens all the time.”
“I didn’t forget, nor did I tune you out, Ry. I’m just distracting my brain at your expense.”