Page 35 of Beautiful Trauma
I shook my head. “No, Ezra. It’s just my inner demons waging war. I want to be here with you, and nothing you said upset me.” I hadn’t arrived expecting a grand declaration of love. In fact, nothing Ezra said had shocked me. He wanted me but needed to protect his career at the same time. What was so hard to understand about that?
“I know a thing or two about inner demons, Henry. I think we all do. If there are certain assurances you need from me, I’d like to discuss them. I won’t make promises I can’t keep, and I’d prefer we learn now about lines neither of us is willing to cross before…” Ezra’s words trailed off, but I knew he was going to express concerns about me getting hurt. “Let’s just avoid any unpleasant surprises.”
“Ezra, I don’t need assurances, and I’d never want you to make false promises. I think I’m just having a hard time believing something I wanted so badly is coming true. I don’t want more than you can give, and I won’t try to give you more than I can handle either. Please don’t let my quietness ruin our night.”
Ezra set his fork down and rose to his feet, extending his hand toward me. I scooted my chair back, giving him room to pull me into his arms. Ezra’s body was rigid with sexual tension, and his erection pressed against mine. “Does it feel like you’ve ruined anything?”
“No,” I whispered.
“Are you finished eating?”
“You wanted to tell me I was done eating and command me to lean over the balcony, didn’t you?”
“Deny you food after the lecture I gave you two weeks ago?” Ezra asked with a smirk.
“It would reheat,” I countered. “I remember seeing a microwave in your fancy kitchen during my last visit.” I had a sudden vision of Ezra and me making out in the kitchen while popcorn popped in the microwave. It was such a random, silly thing, but the idea of sharing popcorn while cuddling on the couch seemed both ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. The familiar scene would be more special with Ezra because it was something I’d never allowed myself to dream.
Ezra leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. “I’m losing you again.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “A silly thought just popped into my mind.”
“Henry, I don’t think you’re capable of silly thoughts.”
I snorted. If Ezra wanted to know what I was thinking, then I would tell him. “I want to make microwavable popcorn and eat it while cuddling with you on the couch and watching a movie.”
A smile tugged at Ezra’s lips. “What kind of movie?” he asked seriously.
“Um, a comedy or action movie, maybe.” I sounded uncertain because his reaction had surprised me. I guess I expected him to dismiss me outright or say watching movies wasn’t part ofthis.
“I like those types of movies too. I think we’ve arrived at the most important question of the night, Henry. Are you ready to answer it?” I grinned at the over-the-top seriousness in Ezra’s voice. “Do you prefer your popcorn plain, with some butter, or the movie-theater-butter style?” God, I could see myself licking Ezra’s salty, buttery fingers.
“I like the movie-theater-butter kind. I prefer Orville Redenbacher, but you won’t ruinthisif you use a knockoff brand.”
Ezra gasped then nipped my bottom lip. “There is no other brand of popcorn, Henry.” He smiled fully then, laughter vibrating through him. “Did we survive our first serious obstacle?”
“It would seem so.”
“Do you feel better now?” Ezra asked, rubbing his warm hand in circles on my lower back. I knew he wasn’t talking about popcorn and a movie. He wanted to relieve my concerns and would patiently do so until I was comfortable. I had firsthand knowledge of how indulgent Ezra’s patience felt.
“I do,” I confirmed.
“Good.” Ezra kissed the tip of my nose then lowered his arms and took a step back. Holding out his hand for me, he said, “The balcony awaits.”
Even though I’d already had Ezra inside me a few hours before, I needed to feel him again. He didn’t lead me through the door off the dining room, he guided me through his master bedroom exit where he had a second seating area set up. The space was completely dark except for the light spilling out through the sliding glass door. The balcony had privacy walls at both ends which made it feel like Ezra and I were alone with the river, stars, and moon.
“I keep a lighter for those candles in the tin box. Why don’t you light the candles while I retrieve condoms and lube from the bedside table?”
“You don’t want me to shower first?” I asked.
Ezra pulled me in tight and ran his nose along my neck, breathing me in. “Hell no. I love smelling our sex on your body. We’ll take a relaxing bath after I make you utterly filthy.”
“Oh God,” I whimpered.
Ezra sucked my Adam’s apple between his lips then asked, “Are you praying for rescue?”
“Praying my heart doesn’t explode before either of those things happen.”
Ezra raised his hand and tenderly ran it through my hair. “I have faith in your heart.”I have faith in yours too, even if you don’t.He gave me one more quick kiss then released me to return inside for the supplies.