Page 23 of Beautiful Trauma
“Oh. Do you not want to know about your students?”
“At the risk of sounding like a complete asshole, no. Getting to know my students on a personal level clouds my judgement and blurs lines. I am only interested in their academic success, nothing more.” Both his body language and tone of voice were cold, stiff, and unyielding. I didn’t recognize this version of Ezra.
“There’s more to the story,” I said. “You’ve seen someone get hurt when those lines were blurred, and judging by your vibe, it ended very badly.”
“Henry, I can’t—” Emotion choked his voice, and Ezra shook his head.
“It’s okay, Ezra. You don’t have to tell me. I just want you to know I understand.” Too bad comprehension didn’t make the hurt and disappointment go away. “This is just a bump in the road for me, right?” I tried to sound convincing, but Ezra’s frown let me know I missed the mark.
“I want us to get past the mutual attraction we have for one another, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about your success. I want to help you.”
“Ezra, I don’t want to be a charity case or someone you help because you feel guilty.”
“Don’t mistake my kindness for remorse, because you couldn’t be further from the truth. I feel partly responsible for adding stress to your life, and the least I can do is buy you something to eat.”
I remembered the breakfast he made for me: fluffy scrambled eggs, bacon, fried potatoes with peppers and onions, and croissants. I’d sat on a bar stool and watched him make coffee in a French press and squeeze fresh oranges to make juice for me. I recalled the way he cared for me after sex. I’d never felt so pampered and spoiled in my life, and it made me feel special.Hemade me feel special just by looking at me. I wanted to think it was because I meant something significant to him, but I realized Ezra was hardwired to take care of people. If I’d learned anything from getting tossed onto the street by a mother who was supposed to love me unconditionally, it was that people were either nurturers or they weren’t.
The type of care and concern Ezra put into looking after my well-being wasn’t something he learned from watching others. I thought my mother was a nurturer, but I’d been wrong. Ezra was uncomfortable around me, but he put it aside to take care of me. He saw a need and he filled it. If I weren’t careful, my sexual desire for Ezra could morph into something much more powerful and deep, making it much harder to get over what happened between us. I couldn’t allow that to happen. He was adamant there was no future for us, and I had to accept it and move on.
“Fine,” I said after a brief pause. “I will accept your kind offer, and we’ll consider the slate clean.”
“A truce then.”
“Yes,” I agreed.
“Thank you, Henry.” Ezra sounded relieved, and I admit I felt better than I had since the ordeal had started. It wasn’t like my urge to jump him had gone away, but I finally realized his determination was deep-rooted. Student and professor was the only relationship we could have, even if we both wished it could be different. Ezra hadn’t said as much out loud, but the soft look in his eyes had spoken louder than words ever could. “I ordered you dinner from my favorite bistro. It will be here in thirty minutes. I included a generous tip for the delivery driver, so you don’t have to worry about that either. Make sure you get plenty of rest.” He’d checked on me, was satisfied I was more or less okay, ordered me dinner, and was prepared to dust off his hands and congratulate himself on a job well done.
“You don’t even know what I like to eat, and you didn’t ask me about food allergies,” I said, stalling him. While I acknowledged I’d never have him again, it didn’t mean I was ready to see him walk out the door.
Ezra nodded to acknowledge I was right. “Perhaps I was a bit too heavy-handed.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped for a few seconds. “It’s not too late for me to change your order. Do you have any allergies?” I shook my head. “Would you like to look at the menu and pick out your own dinner?”
I actually liked the idea of Ezra picking out something that was solely for me. “I was teasing you. I just thought it was odd you presumed to know what I liked.”
“I have a good track record when it comes to figuring out what you like.” Ezra’s eyes widened like he couldn’t believe he’d spoken the words out loud. That made two of us. There was no way to pretend he wasn’t referring to the time I was in his arms and he was inside my body.
“Touché,” I said, mimicking his response from earlier.
“I’m just going to get going,” Ezra said, gesturing to the door. “Are you going to email me in the morning and set up your appointment to meet with me?”
“Yes, Professor Higgins.”
Ezra smiled. “Goodnight, Henry.”
“Goodnight, Ezra.”
We stared at each other for a few seconds before Ezra turned and walked out of my apartment. I stood there shell-shocked for a few minutes until I heard the creaky hinges of Jess’s bedroom door opening. A few seconds later, my friend poked her head out of the hallway.
“Is the coast clear?”
I snorted. “Are we really going to pretend you weren’t eavesdropping this entire time?”
Jess shrugged casually, and her off-the-shoulder T-shirt slid lower, exposing more of her pale shoulder and the bold colors in her dragon tattoo. “I can’t help it if the walls are thin. What’s this I heard about food?”
“Ezra ordered a late dinner for me because he’s worried, and he made sure there was enough for you also.”
“He’s a keeper,” Jess said.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “This coming from a person who won’t allow anyone to do nice things for her.”