Page 79 of Atone

He’d kill for me without blinking—and I’m sick enough to not hate him for it.

To feel at home with him because of it.

Alex waits for me to take the final step before he starts walking again. He leads me to the left, opposite to where I know Marco’s room is.

There’s no turning back as our fingers thread together.

From what I’ve been told, each room at Sigma House is purposely soundproof. It doesn’t escape me as to why that is.

We continue down a long hallway, not stopping until we reach the very end, and Alex pulls out his key. He unlocks it and waits for me to step inside first, where the fog of marijuana smoke is replaced with the scent of citrus.

Smells that take me back to when I used to visit him at Montgomery.

The door clicks behind him, and my spine straightens,but he doesn’t move. His back presses to the door while he watches me explore his room.

It’s a lot like the one he had at the psychiatric ward. Not much fills the space aside from the essentials, either out of habit or comfort. There’s an unmade bed on one wall and a dresser beside it. At the opposite end is a treadmill and a stack of weights. The door to the bathroom is open, and it reminds me of Violet and Teal saying Declan’s and Kole’s rooms also had private bathrooms.

Marco shared with a few others, so this must be an indication of Alex’s status with the House.

“You wanted to talk.” I twist my fingers together behind my back. “So talk.”

Alex smirks, lifting off the closed door and approaching. Every step makes my heart skip a beat, and when he stops in front of me, I can’t decide if it’s fear or excitement that has my heart hammering.

Ever so gently, he tucks my hair behind my ear. “Why are you here, Mila?”

“Seriously?” My shoulders deflate. “You asked me to be here.”

“Doesn’t mean you had to show up.”

“I guess.” I hate how simple that sounds when it isn’t at all. “Maybe I’m here for the same reason you decided that I would be the person you’d finally talk to after all these years. Or maybe I’m just a masochist. Who knows.”

His eyes meet mine, and I wet my lips to settle my nerves when he smirks.

“Why did you decide to talk to me?” I ask, trying not to breathe him in as he steps closer. “We barely spoke at the hospital. And I know what people say about me… the rumors Marco spreads. I can only guess what you assumed about me before we met.”

“You have no idea what I knew about you before we met at Montgomery.” His words are clipped.

“Did your sister mention me?”

He shakes his head. “Patience never so much as said your name to me until you showed up there. But I didn’t need her to understand you, Mila.”

“You always call me by my name.”

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s your name.”

“Most guys avoid names whenever possible. God forbid they accidentally say the wrong thing.”

“If a man could look into your eyes and call you anything other than who you are, then he isn’t worth the time you’re giving him.”

“Are you worth it?”

His fingers pause where he’s still absentmindedly playing with my hair. “No.”

Alex’s hand falls away, and I miss it.

Miss him.

My whole chest aches when he’s not touching me.