Page 113 of Atone

“I had to find the man who hurt Remi. I had to find Torin.”

“Torin was already dead, Mila.” Alex shakes his head.

“No, he wasn’t. He walked away that night. I saw him run.”

“Remember when I told you about my trial? About what went wrong?”

I think back to the story about how Alex got his scars. Someone wanted revenge, and they used his trial to get to him.

My eyes widen. “Torin is the one who snuck in during your trial? The one you fought? The one who almost killed you?”

“Except Ikilledhim.”

I slump against the wall behind me, grabbing Alex’s wrist on instinct to hold myself up. My mind is swimming. Alex and I are bound in every way. I’ve been lying to myself if I thought I could sever us with one simple cut of a string. There are too many.

“If you knew Torin was dead, then why not just tell me that from the beginning? Why let me chase my tail?”

A heartbreaking smile lifts in the corner of his mouth. “Because I was selfish and couldn’t stand the thought of you hating me. Not now that you finally saw me. Like I said, Mila, there’s only one thing in this miserable world that scares me, and that’s you. You’re the reason I kept going. The reason I became a legacy. You found your way back to me, and I had to find my way back to you.”

I shake my head, trying to process what he is saying. “We barely knew each other. You met me at my absolute worst moment.”

“In a person’s worst moment, they show you who they really are. I saw it that day at the carnival, Mila. Even if it didn’t mean anything back then because we were too young, and I was too fucked-up to understand. But I saw it… the fight in you. How hard you battle for those you love. We aren’t all that different in that regard, even if our methods make us opposites.”

My voice catches in my throat. I don’t know what to say. No one looks at me like he does. No one sees me like he does.

I hate him.

But Ilovehim.

And Patience is right because it hurts like hell.

But Alex was protecting me. Even when I was just some girl he couldn’t figure out. He saved me back then, and he fought for me now.Continuesto fight for me. He battled his demons to get out of Montgomeryfor me.

“What does it say about me that I want to forgive you right now?” A tear slips down my cheek.

Alex presses his forehead to mine. “It says you’re mine.”

With one hand still holding the knife, Alex drops to his knees in front of me. He trails his hands up my legs, lifting my skirt to reveal the holster strapped at my thigh. His face is so close that I feel the heat of his breath tickling me where I’m aching for him. But he ignores the desperation pooling between my legs, dragging the cool blade over my skin until he’s gently sheathing the knife.

His hands cup the back of my thighs, just under my ass, as he looks up at me from his knees. Even after every terrible thing he’s done—every horrible thing I’ve said—he puts himself at my mercy.

Dark-blond hair falls over one of his eyes, and the scars on the side of his neck stretch with how he cranes his head back to watch me.

“I’ve done more than enough to send my soul to a special place in hell when I’m finished here, Mila.” He grazes the backs of my thighs with his hands. “But I’d do it all over again for the heartbeat of peace you offer me.”

“You don’t believe in forgiveness?”

“Should I believe in it? You’re the only goddess I’mwilling to pray to. So tell me, will you forgive me for my sins?”

My fingers pause, tangled in his hair. His eyes plead, even if I know he has no intention of getting better. Like he warned me before, there is no healing his form of sickness. There is just existing, and surviving is the hardest part.

Leaning down, I rest my forehead on Alex’s. His fingers tighten their grip at the back of my thighs. We’re holding on like this merry-go-round won’t stop spinning, and he’s my center.

“I don’t want to forgive you,” I whisper. “But you are who you are. I love you regardless.”

“Love isn’t a big enough word for how I feel about you.” His hands trail deeper until his fingers brush between my legs. “Obsession.” He slowly starts to lift my dress. “Fixation.” He leans in to kiss my thigh, and I straighten against the wall, not letting go of his hair. “My fetish.” His kisses move inward and up. “I love you, and you are everything. Now let me worship you, my angel.”

At that, his lips land right where I ache between my legs.