Page 51 of Atone

My knees tighten their grip on Alex’s hips in a sorry attempt to pull him closer when he’s so adamant about refusing my touch.

“Alex,” I groan when he slips his hand away. “Please. I need more.”

I’m begging.

A girl who never asks men for anything is pleading for this one to put me out of my misery.

I selfishly beg him for things even he might not be ready for after what he’s been through. Not caring as my body demands he sates this desire that courses through every vein.

I beg and hope he’ll prove this hasn’t been all in my head. That I’m enough for him.

“Please—”

His lips cut me off as they land on mine. His kiss is a claim and a promise. Hard but gentle. Tense like it hurts him to feel me like this. Desperate because he wants it regardless.

Alex kisses me, and I know in the pit of my soul nothing will compare to it.

My lips part, and his tongue slips in, staking claim. Connecting us. Binding this invisible tether as his body seals to mine.

Alex can barely seem to be around himself, so I doubt he’ll be able to handle me for long. But I sink into the kiss and pretend it will last forever. I savor the mint and vodka on his tongue, and I wish so badly I could dig my hands into his hair.

That I could explore him with touch.

But if this is all he can handle—all he can control—then so be it. I place myself on his altar.

Alex grabs my thighs, peeling them wider. He doesn’t break the kiss as he drags my skirt to my hips, and his fingers graze the knife holster.

“Long story,” I mumble against his mouth.

Luckily, he doesn’t ask me to elaborate as he digs his fingers into the mounds of my ass and tugs me to the edge of the desk, rocking me against his cock.

I’ve never needed someone’s body the way I need his in this moment. Like an answer to a prayer when I’ve lost all faith.

With my legs locked at his hips, I suck his tongue into my mouth and do my best to consume him like he’s consuming me. He might deny me touch, but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t give me everything else.

Alex drags his hands up over my thighs to peel my lace underwear aside. A low grumble rattles in his chest as he sinks a finger deep, and I need more of this brain-altering effect I seem to have on him.

Medicinal, almost.

Curing the pain, even if only temporarily.

He rolls a thumb over my clit, and I can’t help rocking to meet his movements. My kissing turns from needy to frantic as I chase the pleasure starting to pool.

Alex sinks his teeth into my lower lip and tugs, openinghis eyes to stare directly at me as he slowly drags his teeth off my lip, leaning in to lick that spot.

Holy hell, this man’s tongue. I want it between my legs.

Alex smirks like he reads my mind, and when he glances down, I follow his gaze to find him working the zipper on his jeans. One hand plays with me while the other shoves his briefs down in the front, and I lose all sense of space or time.

I lose who I am and where we are, or who could walk in.

Nothing matters as he strokes his cock and nudges it at my entrance.

I’ve pictured this in the middle of the night so many times over these past few weeks; I wonder if I’m dreaming now. It’s right and wrong. My best friend’s brother is stroking his cock against my pussy, and I don’t care that he’s spent the past couple of years losing his mind. I let myself believe I can put him back together.

“Alex.” I’m out of breath as I look up and see he’s watching my face as he sinks in.

His face tenses with every inch. All light leaves his eyes, and they’re glass. Mirrors. A wonderland of all the things he never says, but I swear he feels. His hips connect with mine, and I’m stretched beyond my limits.