Page 54 of Atone

Breathe.

Survive.

Sliding my legs off the bed, I glance back at the sweat staining the flat pillow. At Montgomery, orderlies would wash the sheets and blankets daily to erase what haunts me in the middle of the night. Now that I’m back at Sigma House, it’s my job.

I stand up and strip the bed clean. Bunching the sheets into a pile I’ll deal with later.

Once I’m awake, there’s no use closing my eyes and hoping for another hour. Even if I managed to slip back into my subconscious, it wouldn’t be peaceful. Dreams are for people who still have a shred of hope.

I flex my fingers and find my way back into my skin, fighting against the tightness in my joints. With a final stretch, I relax my hands and scan my empty room. Dark-gray walls make the space seem smaller, and even if I’ve piled clothes on the heater, I’m still burning up. I’ve grownaccustomed to the constant chill of Montgomery Psychiatric Ward. But I suppose the heat is only fitting when I’ve returned to hell.

Tilting my head back, I take a deep breath, still smelling Mila on me.

If I thought fucking her last night would settle me down, I was wrong. All she does is stir me up.

I did my best to temper my desire the first year she was in Bristal. I watched from afar and ignored her the few times she accompanied my sister to Montgomery. But then I slipped. One mistake had me meeting her gaze, and when fear didn’t bloom in her green eyes, everything changed.

She weaved her way in, no matter how harshly I fought the urge. And finally, when ignoring her didn’t work, I convinced myself I could fuck her out of my mind instead.

Exposure.

Usually, I’m really fucking good at it.

But every taste of that girl and I need another. Until I’m drowning in her scent and committing her to memory.

Even now, I can still feel her legs wrapped around my hips while her green eyes watched me. I can still see the moment she snuffed out the resistance. Her cunt streaked my cock, and I was done. Drowning in the perfect little gasps that fell from her lips.

She shuddered, and I tore apart.

I’ve imagined that moment a thousand times with my hand wrapped around my cock. Debating if she’d taste sweet like her smile or as poisonous as the secrets in her eyes. She eats away at my every nerve. And somehow, she was everything mixed into one. Decadent and sinful and addictive.

And mine.

I’ve imagined her in every position, fucking every hole. Nothing came close to her actual surrender.

Mila is my reckoning. The truth that will finally break my tainted soul.

Giving up on sleep, I get dressed. I toss on a sweatshirt and boots and step into the dark hallway of Sigma House. It’s a quiet walk to the stairs this early. When I reach the top, I eye the opposite wing, where Marco’s room sits. I consider storming over there and peeling off every inch of his skin for subjecting Mila to his bullshit last night.

No one would stop me.

No one could.

After all, Declan made me a promise when I agreed to join him on the new Sigma House Council:No more lies. No more leashes.

Declan knows it’s only a matter of time before I neutralize the problem. And while I intended for it to be my first priority when I moved back into this small slice of hell, I’ve been enjoying Marco squirming a little too much to do anything about it just yet.

Dad always said it was a weakness toplay with one’s food, as he put it. In reality, he didn’t have the stomach for torture like I did.

As I head downstairs, it’s mostly quiet. Music is still playing in one of the far living rooms, but the party has dulled to nothing more than a few people lingering around.

I don’t bother acknowledging them as I pass. Just because I’m out of the confines of Montgomery Psychiatric Ward doesn’t mean I don’t still feel the walls closing in around me. If anything, being here is more difficult. At least in there, they didn’t expect me to be cured.

The drive to the campus is quick, this late at night.

This early in the morning?

Time doesn’t mean anything anymore. Years have passed, and somehow, nothing has changed except who pulls the strings.