Page 118 of Atone

His hand skates up my ribs. His fingers brush the underside of my breast before following the path between them, not pausing until they wrap one side of my throat, while his thumb rests over the other. Not tightening his grip or stealing my air, just holding so he can sense every swallow. Feel every beat of my heart.

“Pain made more sense than pleasure.” He moves his hand around my neck to hold the back of it.

“Is that why you were always fighting people or doing those things Patience said?” My eyebrows pinch. “She told me you should have been locked up in Montgomery long before you ever were.”

He smirks like he’s proud of his sister’s deduction. “My sister’s not wrong. Patience loves me, but I’ve always scared her. She couldn’t understand who I am. And when my father tried to help me, she just resented both of us for it. She didn’t agree that my anger needed to be channeled.She took after my mother in that way, preaching abstinence. But don’t tell her I compared her to our mother, or she’ll never forgive me.”

“They have a complicated relationship?”

“You could say that.”

Not elaborating.Got it.

“So Patience thought you should abstain from sex?”

“Not sex.” He shakes his head. “Inflicting pain. But like I said, she and I didn’t agree on our methods.”

“While your father encouraged it?”

“My father is Sigma Sin. He understands not all disagreements can be sorted peacefully, so he gave me an outlet.”

“You make it sound like youneedto kill people.”

Alex’s gaze moves up to mine. “Not necessarily. I needed to fill this hole inside me, and that was the only way I knew how to do it at that time.”

I roll onto my side, and he slides his knee between my legs as he hitches one onto his hip. “Maybe you should have just tried sex. It can be very relaxing.”

I trail a finger from the hollow of his throat, down the center of his chest.

“Maybe.” He smirks. “But I’ll never regret waiting for you.”

For the first time in my life, I wish I could say the same. Growing up how I did, my body was a tool. A weapon. A bargaining chip. I used it unapologetically because I was never taught how to value it. It wasn’t until Alex saw more than curves and flesh that I understood intimacy. Or how sex could actually mean something.

My cheeks burn as he brushes his thumb over my jaw.

“How did your father help?” I steer the subject away from my insecurities before he notices.

Alex pauses, and even if he doesn’t call me out, I sense he noticed the shift in my expression. “He would assign me specific tasks to help the House.”

“Killing people?”

“Sometimes it was just about sending me a message.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. “He taught me how to embrace who I was.”

“Or he made you think that’s all you are.”

Alex’s fingers pause where he’s rubbing my back. I probably should have kept that to myself since he respects his father. We clearly don’t share the same feelings toward Gideon Lancaster.

“Perhaps.” Alex flattens his palm on my back. “If that’s the case, then it’s a good thing I found you. Who needs pain when you can ride my cock and take all other impulses away.”

His hand slides between my legs, and I lose my breath as he breaches my body. He sinks two fingers to his knuckles. My nails dig into his shoulders when he curls them.

“Good thing,” I whisper, losing my breath.

“That’s it, my angel.” He kisses the hollow of my neck as he hums against me. “Show me what I’ve been missing.”

My skin is vibrating. Static pulses.

Alex rolls me onto my back and settles between my legs. With a harsh thrust, he impales me. His mouth finds my jaw. My cheek. My lips. He tangles his fingers in my hair and fucks me slow and deep. Erasing anything but him. Making me the beginning of his universe.