Page 7 of Atone

But there’s nothing there apart from the breeze shifting a panel as the crowd begins to cheer. People jump to their feet. Clapping and hollering. Even Patience, whose cheeks are pink, is standing, bouncing up and down with excitement.

“That was amazing.” She plops back down in her seat, smiling a real smile for the first time in months.

“It’s pretty cool, right?” I force a smile, still unsettled from whatever phantom just brushed my arm.

“It’s incredible. When you were with the carnival, did you ever do anything like that?”

“No. I prefer my feet on solid ground.”And my hand wrapped around the handle of a knife.

“Oh, right. I forgot you’re afraid of heights.” She looks around as the show ends and the front rows begin to empty.

“Come on.” I nudge her arm. “Let’s get out of here and find Violet and Teal. Maybe they’ve ditched the guys by now.”

“At least feed me a lie I’ll believe.” She rolls her eyes.

Lacing my hand through hers, I pull us both through the tent flaps. The natural breeze provides immediate relief as it cools the sweat on the back of my neck. I didn’t realizehow hot and cramped it was in the tent until I can finally breathe again.

“Hey.” Patience nudges my shoulder. “I forgot to ask if you mind us stopping by Montgomery tomorrow on our way back from shopping. I need to drop off a few things for Alex. But I can take you back to the dorm room first if you don’t want to go.”

“And make you go out of your way? No. I’ll be fine.” I force a smile to mask that her question makes my stomach flip.

I’ve only seen Alex a few times since starting at Briar Academy a little less than two years ago. And each time I do, it takes months to forget the weight of his presence. To forget how good it smells in his room, or how badly I wish he would just look up at me and acknowledge I exist.

There’s something about Alex Lancaster. He’s as terrifying as he is magnetic. He’s gone, but he’s present. And I’m like everyone else in this town—I want to figure him out.

2

SHADOWS

MILA

There arefew places as unsettling as Montgomery Psychiatric Ward.

Even the carnival, with all my bad memories, pales in comparison to the stale scent of bleach that floods my nose when I step through the doors of Montgomery. An unnerving hum rattles through the vents like spirits are trapped within the walls, trying to get out. I walk at Patience’s side to the far wing, where Alex’s room is, and try to ignore them.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea.

I doubt Alex wants his younger sister’s best friend tagging along to see him. The few times I’ve been here, he ignored my presence entirely. Which, I guess, shouldn’t surprise me when he barely acknowledged his sister either.

We pass a main sitting room, and a woman sitting in the corner won’t take her eyes off me. Her bleached brows furrow, and there’s a hint of a glare in her green eyes. Like she doesn’t want me here. Or she senses how fucked-up I am.

My stomach knots as the air conditioner kicks on in an already cold room. I rub the goose bumps on my arms and try to picture how Teal lived here for a few months as a teenager. Or how Alex lives here now. I can’t imagine finding peace in a hospital that doesn’t have so much as a splash of color on the walls.

The final corridor to Alex’s room is quiet. Most of the doors are open, but I avoid looking inside because it feels like an invasion of privacy. It’s not until we reach Alex’s doorway at the end that I lift my gaze from the gray floor tiles.

While every other room smells like bleach, his smells distinctly like him. Like essential oils and citrus. It’s a warm and inviting scent. How I’d imaginehometo smell if it were something more than carnival tents, pop-up trailers, and dorm rooms.

Since the first time I visited Alex, I’ve sometimes woken up to that scent lingering in my nose. Hanging in the air of my bedroom. My imagination taunts me with the comfort I’ve never known, and it’s enough that I actively avoided coming here after the first visit.

While most people are scared of Alex Lancaster and the rumors that surround him, I’m more drawn to him than anything. Curious what it’s like to be the product of other people’s mess and to have to live with it.

Patience freezes in the doorway to his room, and I almost run into her.

“Teal?” Her back stiffens, and Teal jumps up from where she’s sitting on the couch across from Alex’s bed.

It’s not unusual to find Teal here when her therapist operates out of this building, and she’s known Alex and Patience since they were kids. But with how quiet Teal has been lately, and the growing tension between her andPatience over Declan, I’m not surprised that her smile is more uneasy than friendly as she approaches us.

“Hey.” Teal tugs her purse over her shoulder. “I had an appointment. Hope you don’t mind.”