Page 102 of Atone

“What you’re saying doesn’t make it any better.” A tear slips down her cheek, over her lip, into her mouth. “What do you expect me to do with that?”

“I don’t know.” The truth.

Her arms are slack at her sides. Defeat blows out any hope in her eyes. The smoke of what once burned leaks out of her, shrouding her gaze in something so deeply painful she becomes the center of a black hole.

The black hole I stepped in.

“You lied to me.” Her words crack, even on a whisper. “You might not have been the man who hurt her, but youdidn’t let me save her either. You knew all along, and you just kept quiet.”

I want to argue, but I can’t speak.

I want to touch her, but I can’t move.

I’m paralyzed.

Monster.

He holds me in place when Mila turns her back and walks away.

33

THE DEAL

MILA

A warm breezetickles my legs. It kicks the fabric of my summer dress around my thighs as I wrap my arms around my stomach and try to hold down the bile slowly rising. The dark forest is blurry through my tears, and I hate each and every one of them.

I’m not weak.

I’m not breakable.

No one is allowed close enough to hurt me. Not anymore.

Except that’s what Alex did. He weaved his way in through deceit and manipulation. Took a hammer to my chest and used my heart like it’s his personal wrecking room. He shattered everything.

Wiping away a tear, I still feel the heat of the flames. I smell flesh burning.

Secrets.

Moresecrets.

He knew who I was before he ever looked at me at Montgomery. He knew what I was looking for when hecaught me at Sigma House and at the library. But he said nothing.

I blink back the tears and swear I see the ghost of Remi wandering beside me. I can hear her screams as that man grabbed her by the throat and pinned her to the beam in the center of the tent. His hoodie covered his face, but his hand was in clear view as he reached between her legs and grabbed her.

I was rage and fury.

Gripping the knife just long enough to throw it. But unlike every other time, that night I missed my mark. I nicked him on the back of the shoulder. Not hard enough to do any real damage, just enough to get his attention.

That’s when he threw Remi to the side. Her head snapped against a solid table, knocking her out as a candle tipped onto the ground. Flames licked their way up the tent.

It burned too fast.

Too hot.

And Remi was in the center, unconscious. I was just about to step inside when someone stopped me. No matter how hard I begged or kicked or fought, they wouldn’t let me run into the flames to save her.

Alexwouldn’t let me save her.