Page 29 of Atone

Loyalty. Honesty. Sigma House above all.

From sin we are born, and through sin we are revealed.

Unto death and into the after.

He repeated it on both sides of the page, and even if I’ve seen the oath displayed in the entryway of Sigma House, I understood it differently in Alex’s handwriting. He pressed the pencil harder with certain words. Highlighting them. Underlining them.

Unto death.

Except, he survived.

And where did that leave him?

On another day, he shared an entry that felt a bit more intimate. It was written for a girl I sense is still on his mind, and I hated the jealous twinge that stung my chest when I have no right to Alex.

When you ask me why I couldn’t stop this from happening, I’ll tell you it was your fault for caving in on yourself in the direct path of my attention.

It was your fault, and my mistake.

You were in flames, and I was shivering.

I held my hand over the heat for too long.

Held my heart over the destruction.

I got lost in you.

Yesterday, when he handed me the journal, the entry was short. Two sentences that still managed to break my heart.

Don’t mistake the silence for peace.

Existence consumes, and the night has teeth.

I memorized every word before handing his journal back to him. Each time, wishing I could turn another page, but never being greedy enough to try when all I can accept is what he offers me.

To everyone else in Bristal, Alex Lancaster has lost his mind. But the more time I spend around him, I wonder how lost he actually is.

If at all.

“He doesn’t seem to mind your visits.” Teal smiles, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Who knows…”

“Mila, I visit him multiple times a month, and he’s never so much as looked at me. And I’ve known him since we were kids. But with you… It’s different. I can’t explain it, but trust me, it is.”

I’ve been tryingnotto tell myself that very thing. I’m already in too deep with Alex.

“I talk a lot.” I shrug, brushing Teal off. “For all I know, he’s staring at me, wondering when I’m going to leave him alone.”

“Doubt it.”

“Don’t say anything to Patience, okay?” I squeeze Teal’s hand, not ready to face Patience’s wrath just yet. “She’s protective of him, and I don’t want her thinking anything.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

Teal offers me a comforting smile, and I know she won’t say anything.

She’s loyal and fiercely protective of those she cares about. Patience has been so busy hating Teal for spending time with Declan, she’s forgetting what a good friend she is to all of us. One who never asks for anything in return.